Just call me STOOPID

F

flux

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 16, 1999
Messages
2,181
Location
ma
Alright then. We've all seen them - and I'm turning into one. I remember seeing people like this - a little slow, a little weird, a little neurotic, a little of everything else...."Oh, that's cuz he/she did waaay too many drugs" people would tell me - brain damage, slight craziness, the works.
I never really thought about it, never thought I would ever be affected by the crap I put into my body....but. Here I am. I'm becoming stupider. It's finally happening. This recently occured to me, it's still quite a shock. My favorite new word to say to people is "What?" I'm rarely all there, I act like a 5-year-old, I space off, I have a very strange thought process, I am easily confused....
I used to be a smart girl, I think....Perhaps I still am somewhere buried under the cloudiness, but my brain really isn't working like it used to....I imagine it looks something like swiss cheese. And though I have nothing against the appearance of cheese of any kind, I'd think I'd rather my brain were a bit....healthier.
 
Yup, but I guess that's the price you pay to enjoy all these drugs.
-Chris
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"We are pagens, we worship great walls of sound."
-Unknown Raver
 
dont worry girl, im in the same boat as you already know
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"whatever it is i think i
see, becomes a tootsie
roll to me"
 
serotonin has a relationship with the transfer of short term memories to long term memory. as well as aspects of language and verbal processing. processes as biochemically complex as thought and memory really wouldn't go unaffected by an agent that acts so dramatically on the central nervous system.
when it's all said and done a lot of things you don't even realize you're doing to yourself are going to fuck you up. environmental estrogens contributing to the pathogenesis of cancer, the correlation with the use of bovine growth hormone and steroids with the reports of red meat as being possibly carcinogenic...fuck you could die the next moment. but what exactly do you get accomplished with a life if all you ever think about is the absence of it...no one is getting out of this thing without more than a few scars so it's a joke to try and think you can do otherwise.
 
Deep, WORD!!!!
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Deep's right everybody, even the 'normal' air you breath could kill you in the long run. Just like someone (I forget who tho, short term mem never transfered to long term mem
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) once said, "NO ONE GETS OUT OF HERE ALIVE!" So live life how you see fit. Just try to reach truly HAPPY.
 
flux, i have trouble with the bimbo effect too... only thing is this started before i did e. i remember being smart. something happened. now i have a serious problem articulating my thoughts, remembering words (there's good days and bad days). i have trouble grasping concepts. my thinking isn't clear, i zone, it's bad at work too. my boss will tell me to do something and i truly am listening and it'll go in one ear and out the other.
i dunno, hate the thought of getting used to my stupidness. it makes me very sad.
i try not to think about it because it depresses me too much.
i'm sorry, i was just going to tell you not to worry about it, everyone gets that way at times. maybe a break might help?
angel
 
I feel like, sorry to always talk about doing coke, but when i was using a lot of shit a day, i was on top of the world and was extremely articulate, but as many of my fellow bluelighters have read my vocab has gone to HELL!!! It all started the last time i went to rehab, and I struggle everyday to think of the easiest words like .. well i cant even think of them now.. drugs have done my body good obviously.
 
ive noticed stuff like that as well.... the main thing i notice and miss, is like x2k... my vocab
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like ill be halfway thu a sentance and i wont b able to think of the word i was about to use.... its just *gone*
and i space out all the time too..... but well... i guess u get that.
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neva mind
[This message has been edited by SassY (edited 23 January 2000).]
 
Man this is depressing. Think about how rollin' has touched our lives. Sure, I'll admit that my vocabulary has taken a spill, and I may not remember what juxtapose means, but I can sure as hell remember the bond I made with my freind when we were rollllin'.
Its the way the music hits your soul
and it seems like your inhibitions were never there
Putting your complete energy onto the dance floor to become part of a whole... or,
giving your love to the whole without hesitation, only to receive just as much...
.........long pause.....
I guess what I'm trying to say is methinks you have to sacrifice certain things in order to attain certain things. I know it sounds like cheese but I'm happy about the choices I've made and gladly accept the consequences they entail(I don't know if that's a word, I heard it somewhere...)
It's Jim Morrison Stepper69 !)
Much love everybody
[This message has been edited by geminix88 (edited 23 January 2000).]
 
I disagree entirely. Though I haven't really planned any upcoming breaks (willpower, goddamn it), I would never, NEVER sacrifice something that I consider as important as I consider intelligence....for rolling? For a couple of hours of good feelings? What you've just said to me is "Yeah, I AM losing my mind, I'm becoming stupider by the minute - oh there goes another brain cell right there! But whatever, who cares? I'm really fucked up and having some fun...."
I dunno, maybe I'm overreacting, but I think that having your wits (intelligence, integrity, the other "i"s) is millions of times more important and sacred than ANYTHING you could buy, including any drug. I love my drugs, and I'm probably not going to stop using them anytime soon. But I'll never justify the brain warp with "Oh, rolling's so spiritual and fun." I just accept the fact that I lack the willpower to stop anything like this right now.....And continue to regret what it's doing to my head.
[This message has been edited by flux (edited 23 January 2000).]
 
drugs making you slow and forgetfull? noooo
i never mince my words...why just the other day i was pontificating on my past e-experiences with a friend and we were both saying how we're as erudite as ever.
i never forget what ummm....ahhh....*scratches head* what thingie i want to use
and i would never be one of those COMPLETE e-tards who mixes up th order of his words like a moron complete. e doesn't make you stupid...
so like i said...my shoe size is 10 1/2 and my eyes are um....shit *looks in mirror*
blue
pRUL
rapture
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I was *wondering* when someone would do that! God, the title was just asking for it! You people are getting a little slow too....
 
I feel like I took the blue pill in the matrix. And while crossing over into the "truth" as morphous described, a piece of my intellect was taken. A sacrifice for "higher learning". Would I trade back the realizations I have had for the "edge" I have dulled? The knowledge I have now for the thing that would fade into black only in time anyway? Was it worth it? I can only answer for myself while saying “yes”. Maybe after all I have seen while “there”, just makes everything else insignificant, and unworthy of remembering. Maybe not.
We are all here my friend
All dogged all spaced but all so beautiful
We burn that mountain down
And always pump for peace when possible
We bite ourselves and bite our dogs
And stretch the flesh unmovable
We are all here my friends
Alive and spaced but all so beautiful
We are the only ones
Monster Magnet
Black as holes within a memory
Tool.
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Forever is in the visuals.
[This message has been edited by e_rep (edited 23 January 2000).]
 
Hey Sweetie,
I am in the same boat with you I think, but this is what is funny. I think my motivation to think is gone. I always plan stuff but I never seem to accomplish anything. I seem like my mind is floationg i an a watery mess most of the time. I remeber being the smartest black guy in my town. Now I am just average...I feel like it at least. Then again ...it could just be that is what College is all about. No longer a big fish in a little pond. -D-
 
flux> sorry I was so late... okay, it wasn't the brightest of jokes too. My IQ surely is correlated with the day of the week. (Sunday = extra extra extra low.) I will try a better one tomorrow.
Keep your head up.... the good thing of bad times is, it will get better someday. If you want I could mail you a pack of marlboros
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PLUR
skydancer
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[email protected]
http://www.mp3.com/skydancer/
WE MUST MOVE ON...
 
By the way, I agree on the 'stupidity' thing. I feel that in me the druggy lifestyle has lead to an increase of thought but to a decrease in effectivity in everyday life... (God, sometimes I hate my english.)
Like I wonder about life and the universe more (which makes me think I'm pretty smart sometimes), but I can't keep discussions on track, lose the point, or forget stupid things.
My opinion varies with the day and the state I'm in - but my brain seems to act better when I've been off everything for some weeks. Even a little bit of pot seems to dull me out for two, three days (nice quiet mood but blurry), and after E it usually takes me one or two weeks to become fully readjusted again...
I guess there's always a tradeoff... but I don't think it's ever too late. There are a lot of techniques and things to improve concentration/memory...
Also remember that it isn't JUST the chemicals... Bad sleeping patterns, stress @ home/school/work, cycle-thinking, caffeine, smoking (tremors!)... There are LOTS of other factors that fuck up the brain small steps at a time...
The brain does weird things. I think drugs do not really increase the craziness but make us pay more attention to it. But anyhow, I think it's never too late.
Damn. I'm tired. I'm glad it's monday again.
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[email protected]
http://www.mp3.com/skydancer/
WE MUST MOVE ON...
 
I agree, Flux. Call it a false god, but I value my mind second only to my family and friends. I'm no genius, but having a firm grasp on ideas, making rare leaps of intuituion, and thinking through solutions is priceless, I think. Having seen older acquaintances slowly succumb to Alzheimer's, it really makes you realize that your mind is the only thing separating your present state as a thinking, reasoning being from a living corpse.
Like e_rep says, it's a tradeoff. I also think it's regrettable, seeing as to that little or no research has been done on non-neurotoxic (or at least, less neurotoxic) MDMA analogs, seeing as to that lawmakers will gladly criminalize a drug simply because it resembles MDMA, sans research.
[This message has been edited by Belisarius (edited 24 January 2000).]
 
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