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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Just a little depressed.. Having a blabber to hopefully feel better :)

fivelinefury

fivelinefury

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 25, 2006
Messages
1,171
Location
Melbourne, AUSTRALIA
Hi guys and Gals, some of you may remember me since I used to live on here haha :) But if not, or recently joined, welcome! :)

Hey mods, if things have changed since I was here last or I write something I shouldn't, just move it ;)

All I'm basically posting this for is to feel a bit better by telling someone I guess. I am not really that depressed at all right now compared to the oth episodes of depression I experience.

I will try not to go into all my history and current meds, moods, etc, etc right now, because I'll be typing all night haha.

I'm just getting off my chest that I have gone backwards again with my lifestyle lately and only kinda come to trems with realising it myself last night. Sometimes I just wonder why to keep going. I don't want to kill myself, but I have thought to myself that if I just didn't wake up "the morning after", then well I wouldn't know and it would be easy.

So right now, due to shit in my life, for eg. owing my dad about $300 (even though he doesn't stress me out about it, but I just hate it). I did have a break for a couple of months, but I gamble every day (Today I've played pokies, bet on the racing), (a couple of days ago I gambled on pokies, racing, sport, lotto, sctratchies, etc. anything I can) I have been to a pokermaching / TAB venue to gamble on pokies and racing probably the past 10 days in a row.

So now I sit here, with a tollerance, drinking, on pseudoehedrine from a bit earlier and took 50mg diazepam at once about 15mins ago (I've had probably 80-100mg vals all together this arvo/tonight, but I do have a pretty massive tollerance being an addict). After quitting smoking ciggies (I don't smoke weed) for about 12 months, I'm not back to a pack a day smoker, I do 300-350mg codeine every night, along with my 25-50mg seroquel prescribed.

Sorry If I've bored you guys. But it feels good to post back on here and just have youz to talk to. I could go on for hours, but I won't haha, cheers <3
 
That's a lot of medication. And you shouldn't be mixing it with alcohol regardless of your tolerance.

I'm sorry you feel this way, but perhaps lowering your medication dosages might help you think more clearly.

Obviously ask your doctor first if you should do this.
 
^^ You'r dead right mate, cheers for the reply. I have to go back to the doctor soon and probably my drug/alc counsellor I saw for about 18 months, but stopped a few months ago thinking "I was fine" 8)
 
^fivelinefury! Nice to see your avatar around again!<3 I'm sorry to hear that things are sliding backwards for you though it is good that you were inspired to write about/think about it . It sounds like you know what doesn't feel right and you just need to act on it. (Yeah, I know, easier said than done.) Going back to your counselor sounds like a good idea.
 
fiveline g'day, i'm in northern nsw, you gotta stay away from those bloody pokies.

you quit ciggys, thats impressive, you have more willpower than me, kudos to ya for that, I know you said you are back on em again but that's ok, you quit once so you can do it again no probs.

so it sounds to me from what you said that you have a handle on what your problems are and are not in denial, that's massive believe me. you just need to dig your heels in and beat these things, and you know you can eh ?

The codeine I can totally relate to, I've been on a roller coaster with the damn stuff for 4 years now, in my experience the withdrawls are pretty light and if you can lay off it for a few days any cravings will fade pretty fast without any hassles physically or mentally.

Valium too is also one of the less dramatic benzos, you are dosing pretty high with that though which is not good, please see if you can taper that back, it's a shitty drug anyways.

I have no experience with the other shit you are taking so hopefully others here can advise you on those issues, i'm sure they will.

Hang in there mate, like i said your post tells me you have a good attitude and a strong will and i'm sure you can get through this down phase, good luck with it all and feel free to shoot me a PM if you need to.
 
Cheers webby. Your first 4 paragraphs basically sum it up perfectly. Any withdrawals I've had with codeine are pretty light for me just as you described.

I wish I had never tried benzos about 8 years ago now :/ I've Spent 3 times off the Valium completely for 2-3 months probably in the last 2 years, but I just lose all my energy and my GAD anxiety goes through the roof. I reckon benzos are fantastic IF used correctly, but other than that they are bastards. Some of my withdrawals in the past have been just absolute hell.

But anyways, thanks for your understanding and support!
 
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