I will give a bit of background here, I also want to really stress how much good suboxone has done for me. I'm 30 years old from Canada, married for 4 years, used from 23 straight into H, I had taken my dads codeine when I was 15 and occasionally a friend and I would take his parents morphine when we were teens as well, I had the taste stuck with me from that point. I had a good job where I could travel and dabble with H and oxy, dilaudid, morphine, etc. By about 27 I had tried --> for the first time and was toast from that point.
After one years use I did manage to stop for a couple months and went and got married in Costa Rica. I also got my wife into it which is one of my biggest regrets. By part way through age 28 I was doing $1-200 a day, my wife always did a little more than half of what I did.
Near the end of my last year using, I had maxed out and defaulted on 10K of credit cards, owed 10K to family that I had swindled out of them, hadn't worked in a year but somehow always came up with the couple hundred bucks everyday without getting arrested.
My wife also did manage to keep working during this whole time and had $3000 a month coming in and we had dirt cheap rent. I stopped paying my car insurance as well and had been driving with plates but the insurance company was hunting me down, also did a few empty envelope deposits at my bank and had ads for weed on craigslist and stole $2-3000 from people who e-transferred me money for orders. We eventually got evicted from my wifes family rental we had for $400 a month and were at the end of the line, either go homeless and go further or try get our lives together.
I do have one successful sub taper when I was 25 and only doing about $80 or 150-200mg oxy a day where I tapered from 12mg to 1mg in 3 months and managed to stay clean for 6 weeks, the longest I had managed in the last several years. So, I moved about 2 hours away with my mom while my wife stayed with her mom for a couple months, started on 12mg. The first day I went into precipitated WD I think, I fainted at the pharmacy and at the hospital they injected me with some anti histamine that sent me into full hallucination/delusional for 2 days. My mom babysat me and I was talking to old imaginary friends, eating fake plants, made a nest of blankets on her driveway (in February), eventually when she wasn't watching me I got into my car and drove it to where I was teetering off a 15 foot cliff and crashed into their neighbours hummer. The police decided to not arrest me and I didn't get a DUI luckily.
After that point it was pretty smooth sailing, I got a job right away and my wife came up to stay at my moms with me and she also got on 8mg. After 3 months we rented our own place, I paid back most of my credit card debt to settle and paid off a good chunk of my family debt. After 9 months we decided to start our own business since we both have lots of experience, landscaping. Now at the end of our first year we did 150k in sales, finished paying off my debt, built up enough trust and put 15k on a brand new truck while my dad co signed, then bought another truck for 12k just recently. We have also built up enough trust where my mom is going to co sign for a new house for us in a couple months. I also think I mostly redeemed myself in the eyes of the wifes family where I was extremely hated even though I think Im a really nice guy generally, but you know, get a girl addicted to drugs...
Fast forward to one month ago, I have always had bad social anxiety and panic attacks, but usually squeak by in life and never took meds for it. I had got down to 2mg last fall and for some reason started getting horrible anxiety and panic attacks all the time, seeing family even and clients I had to see everyday. I had originally wanted to get to .5 or .25mg but anytime I tried to go below 2mg I just couldn't stabilize and with my job it was just too difficult. We decided to take 30 days off from Jan 14 to Feb 13 and get off it together (I know, co dependant). I stocked up on a small amount of Lope, dxm, 5htp, magnesium, and asked my doc for a script of gabapentin, seroquel as well.
Keep in mind I've always metabolized things very quick and would actually start to feel minor WD symptoms after about 12 hours everyday even on 2mg, I don't know, maybe it was in my head but.... By 24 hours I was starting to feel a bit rough, took about 1800mg gabapentin but didn't sleep at all.
Day 2 was mostly restlessness and eyes watering, yawning but with my meds cocktail it was bearable, still no sleep. As soon as it got dark and I tried to laid down my legs would go crazy. Day 3-5 was about the same, anxiety and no energy but I could eat thanks to the gabapentin. I would get in little 45 minute naps once or twice a day after a hot bath, which I would take 3 times a day.
Day 6 and still feeling the same, caved in and went and got 7 grams kratom which allowed me to sleep that night. Day 7 and still the same, time going by incredibly slow and very restless but no energy. I smoke half a pack a day but only went out to smoke 2-3 every day. Day 8-9-10 still the same, bearable and no stomach troubles but extremely restless and anxious, yawning and sneezing. Day 10 I went and did 6 grams kratom again which allowed me to sleep 6 hours and woke up feeling no worse for wear.
The days dragged on and on and still no sleeping really, just 2 hours of fitful sleep during the night really. Did a small amount of kratom on day 12 and slept about 12 hours that night. I felt a little residual WD from the kratom on day 13 but day 14 I felt I had seen the worst of it. Day 15 still not much sleep but had to go see accountant, go look at 3 house viewings, then lunch with my dad. Honestly felt just a little icky but not bad. Yesterday, day 16 I felt some hope and it was getting better, sleeping 4-5 hours of fitful sleep and was the first time I had any energy. I went for a 20 minute walk, then went over to my moms and ran on her treadmill for 3 miles which killed me. I can normally run 7 or so.
I am typing this to let people see another report on jumping off high doses. I would not advise to do this, but given having my 30 days off I felt it was the best thing for me. I didn't want to stay on it another year and we are so busy during the year that I would have a very hard time trying to taper during our work season. I didn't start this report earlier because I didn't think I would make it, but I will keep updated from here on. I don't plan to take kratom anymore and realized it wasn't a good idea but I just wasn't strong enough. Surprisingly I have not considered any H, I am clearheaded enough to realize I don't want to throw away everything I've worked at this year.
If anyone has any questions go ahead and ask, I will update every day from now on. Oh, I didn't need to take loperamide much, have only taken 20mg in this 17 days. Next week we hope to start doing a few estimates for our business even though we had planned to do a full month.
Realize that you can get in fairly deep and still crawl out of it and try to do something with life. I 100% believe that I would be homeless if I didn't have my mom to take me in and have faith in me. Its pretty amazing that I could go from begging both of my parents for money every day to having them trust me with their credit only 2 years later. I hope anyone that has broken ties with their family or alienated people knows that you can prove everyone wrong and try to be happy.
After one years use I did manage to stop for a couple months and went and got married in Costa Rica. I also got my wife into it which is one of my biggest regrets. By part way through age 28 I was doing $1-200 a day, my wife always did a little more than half of what I did.
Near the end of my last year using, I had maxed out and defaulted on 10K of credit cards, owed 10K to family that I had swindled out of them, hadn't worked in a year but somehow always came up with the couple hundred bucks everyday without getting arrested.
My wife also did manage to keep working during this whole time and had $3000 a month coming in and we had dirt cheap rent. I stopped paying my car insurance as well and had been driving with plates but the insurance company was hunting me down, also did a few empty envelope deposits at my bank and had ads for weed on craigslist and stole $2-3000 from people who e-transferred me money for orders. We eventually got evicted from my wifes family rental we had for $400 a month and were at the end of the line, either go homeless and go further or try get our lives together.
I do have one successful sub taper when I was 25 and only doing about $80 or 150-200mg oxy a day where I tapered from 12mg to 1mg in 3 months and managed to stay clean for 6 weeks, the longest I had managed in the last several years. So, I moved about 2 hours away with my mom while my wife stayed with her mom for a couple months, started on 12mg. The first day I went into precipitated WD I think, I fainted at the pharmacy and at the hospital they injected me with some anti histamine that sent me into full hallucination/delusional for 2 days. My mom babysat me and I was talking to old imaginary friends, eating fake plants, made a nest of blankets on her driveway (in February), eventually when she wasn't watching me I got into my car and drove it to where I was teetering off a 15 foot cliff and crashed into their neighbours hummer. The police decided to not arrest me and I didn't get a DUI luckily.
After that point it was pretty smooth sailing, I got a job right away and my wife came up to stay at my moms with me and she also got on 8mg. After 3 months we rented our own place, I paid back most of my credit card debt to settle and paid off a good chunk of my family debt. After 9 months we decided to start our own business since we both have lots of experience, landscaping. Now at the end of our first year we did 150k in sales, finished paying off my debt, built up enough trust and put 15k on a brand new truck while my dad co signed, then bought another truck for 12k just recently. We have also built up enough trust where my mom is going to co sign for a new house for us in a couple months. I also think I mostly redeemed myself in the eyes of the wifes family where I was extremely hated even though I think Im a really nice guy generally, but you know, get a girl addicted to drugs...
Fast forward to one month ago, I have always had bad social anxiety and panic attacks, but usually squeak by in life and never took meds for it. I had got down to 2mg last fall and for some reason started getting horrible anxiety and panic attacks all the time, seeing family even and clients I had to see everyday. I had originally wanted to get to .5 or .25mg but anytime I tried to go below 2mg I just couldn't stabilize and with my job it was just too difficult. We decided to take 30 days off from Jan 14 to Feb 13 and get off it together (I know, co dependant). I stocked up on a small amount of Lope, dxm, 5htp, magnesium, and asked my doc for a script of gabapentin, seroquel as well.
Keep in mind I've always metabolized things very quick and would actually start to feel minor WD symptoms after about 12 hours everyday even on 2mg, I don't know, maybe it was in my head but.... By 24 hours I was starting to feel a bit rough, took about 1800mg gabapentin but didn't sleep at all.
Day 2 was mostly restlessness and eyes watering, yawning but with my meds cocktail it was bearable, still no sleep. As soon as it got dark and I tried to laid down my legs would go crazy. Day 3-5 was about the same, anxiety and no energy but I could eat thanks to the gabapentin. I would get in little 45 minute naps once or twice a day after a hot bath, which I would take 3 times a day.
Day 6 and still feeling the same, caved in and went and got 7 grams kratom which allowed me to sleep that night. Day 7 and still the same, time going by incredibly slow and very restless but no energy. I smoke half a pack a day but only went out to smoke 2-3 every day. Day 8-9-10 still the same, bearable and no stomach troubles but extremely restless and anxious, yawning and sneezing. Day 10 I went and did 6 grams kratom again which allowed me to sleep 6 hours and woke up feeling no worse for wear.
The days dragged on and on and still no sleeping really, just 2 hours of fitful sleep during the night really. Did a small amount of kratom on day 12 and slept about 12 hours that night. I felt a little residual WD from the kratom on day 13 but day 14 I felt I had seen the worst of it. Day 15 still not much sleep but had to go see accountant, go look at 3 house viewings, then lunch with my dad. Honestly felt just a little icky but not bad. Yesterday, day 16 I felt some hope and it was getting better, sleeping 4-5 hours of fitful sleep and was the first time I had any energy. I went for a 20 minute walk, then went over to my moms and ran on her treadmill for 3 miles which killed me. I can normally run 7 or so.
I am typing this to let people see another report on jumping off high doses. I would not advise to do this, but given having my 30 days off I felt it was the best thing for me. I didn't want to stay on it another year and we are so busy during the year that I would have a very hard time trying to taper during our work season. I didn't start this report earlier because I didn't think I would make it, but I will keep updated from here on. I don't plan to take kratom anymore and realized it wasn't a good idea but I just wasn't strong enough. Surprisingly I have not considered any H, I am clearheaded enough to realize I don't want to throw away everything I've worked at this year.
If anyone has any questions go ahead and ask, I will update every day from now on. Oh, I didn't need to take loperamide much, have only taken 20mg in this 17 days. Next week we hope to start doing a few estimates for our business even though we had planned to do a full month.
Realize that you can get in fairly deep and still crawl out of it and try to do something with life. I 100% believe that I would be homeless if I didn't have my mom to take me in and have faith in me. Its pretty amazing that I could go from begging both of my parents for money every day to having them trust me with their credit only 2 years later. I hope anyone that has broken ties with their family or alienated people knows that you can prove everyone wrong and try to be happy.