So this is day 42.
I tried meth yesterday for the first time. San Bernardino is riddled with meth and tweakers like the ocean is riddled with sea water. I tried a little bump from a friend and was very fidgety and tweaky. Slight euphoria. I liked methylphenidate far more. There is a better rush, intense euphoria, and beautiful taste and smoothness up the nose.
I was given a full line for today. I am currently in my business and finance trade while waiting to get into culinary arts which is why I came here. So I am doing endless, tedious projects on Microsoft Word and doing easy but plentiful business math all day. I figured tweak would be the perfect cure.
Well, I did one bump in the bathroom before class and I have to say I am speeding. My fingers are moving remarkably fast but feel fatigued at the same time? It's kind of confusing. I am not as fidgety. That is one thing I disliked when I tried it yesterday. I couldn't even really focus. Everything was so fast that I couldn't sit still and focus like I can on pharma stims like Adderall, Vyvanse, and Ritalin.
Anyways, all is good so far. A bunch of new inputs came in yesterday. I befriended two of them and comforted one and told him he can sit with me anytime he wants if he's alone. He seems like a quiet, nice, and awkward kid. I just know how it feels to be that new guy and scared. It's not fun and I'll be forever grateful to the ones who helped me when I first came in.
I've gone out the past three weekends and smoked and drank. I'm also smoking wayyyy too many cigarettes. Cigarettes are stupid. But as my therapist told me, I can't handle boredom or idle time. And that's where cigs grab ahold of you. I am not addicted, but I am not saying no like I tell my self to. I never feel the need for one, but if someone has one and invites me and I'm not doing much, I cave. Fuck tobacco.
I called my mom yesterday. I haven't spoken to her in a month after I went home and was falsely accused of stealing coins (lol). They still haven't found the coins... Anyways, we got good and I am much happier now.
My therapist told me that I have a self-fulfilling prophecy. He said that since my parents call me a drug addict and a liar and shit, that I am unconsciously doing those things to spite them and therefore making the statements true. I didn't deny it because if it is unconscious then how am I to know. I just know that's not how I feel on the surface level. But then again I was told I was rebelling because I don't know my real dad by a therapist once too. I always said I wasn't angry but after he told me that, I did get angry about it.
He could have at least paid child support...
Anyways, I typed this post in like 5 minutes without stopping lol. I'm going to sign off now. Thanks for reading, I love this community and I love you all. Peace
.
I tried meth yesterday for the first time. San Bernardino is riddled with meth and tweakers like the ocean is riddled with sea water. I tried a little bump from a friend and was very fidgety and tweaky. Slight euphoria. I liked methylphenidate far more. There is a better rush, intense euphoria, and beautiful taste and smoothness up the nose.
I was given a full line for today. I am currently in my business and finance trade while waiting to get into culinary arts which is why I came here. So I am doing endless, tedious projects on Microsoft Word and doing easy but plentiful business math all day. I figured tweak would be the perfect cure.
Well, I did one bump in the bathroom before class and I have to say I am speeding. My fingers are moving remarkably fast but feel fatigued at the same time? It's kind of confusing. I am not as fidgety. That is one thing I disliked when I tried it yesterday. I couldn't even really focus. Everything was so fast that I couldn't sit still and focus like I can on pharma stims like Adderall, Vyvanse, and Ritalin.
Anyways, all is good so far. A bunch of new inputs came in yesterday. I befriended two of them and comforted one and told him he can sit with me anytime he wants if he's alone. He seems like a quiet, nice, and awkward kid. I just know how it feels to be that new guy and scared. It's not fun and I'll be forever grateful to the ones who helped me when I first came in.
I've gone out the past three weekends and smoked and drank. I'm also smoking wayyyy too many cigarettes. Cigarettes are stupid. But as my therapist told me, I can't handle boredom or idle time. And that's where cigs grab ahold of you. I am not addicted, but I am not saying no like I tell my self to. I never feel the need for one, but if someone has one and invites me and I'm not doing much, I cave. Fuck tobacco.
I called my mom yesterday. I haven't spoken to her in a month after I went home and was falsely accused of stealing coins (lol). They still haven't found the coins... Anyways, we got good and I am much happier now.
My therapist told me that I have a self-fulfilling prophecy. He said that since my parents call me a drug addict and a liar and shit, that I am unconsciously doing those things to spite them and therefore making the statements true. I didn't deny it because if it is unconscious then how am I to know. I just know that's not how I feel on the surface level. But then again I was told I was rebelling because I don't know my real dad by a therapist once too. I always said I wasn't angry but after he told me that, I did get angry about it.
He could have at least paid child support...
Anyways, I typed this post in like 5 minutes without stopping lol. I'm going to sign off now. Thanks for reading, I love this community and I love you all. Peace
.