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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I've learned my lesson, I'm done with drugs.

xHippiexchildx

xHippiexchildx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 11, 2012
Messages
670
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US
So about 2 weeks ago.. I decided to take a whole suboxone, after I had been off of it for about 2 months. Big BIG mistake. I had about 3 left from what I hadn't taken.. I was just wanting the PAWS to stop. I'd had enough.

I took it.. not really knowing or caring about what was about to happen. I had forgotten my tolerance had probably went down remarkably, so I took a whole 8mg suboxone.

15 minutes later I feel the PAWS go away. 10 minutes later I start to feel a really good opiate high coming on. I thought to myself, "Hell fucking yes! I'm going to be feeling this way all day long. God bless." Wrong! Another 5 minutes go by and I start to feel.. like i'm on a dissociative? And it just get stronger and stronger until I can't even move nor feel my body anymore. Then the urge to puke comes on.. and it gets stronger and stronger until I can no longer hold it back. I quickly make my way to the porch and puke my brains out.. I sit in a chair on the porch next to the railing, because I know i'm in for one hell of a ride. I have no idea how many times I puked, but it got to the point where I would just dry heave. I tried to keep fluids in my body, but it would come right back up.

The next 2 days were horrible. After the suboxone completely wore off, my depersonalization and anxiety seemed to kick in at full force, and NONE of my medications I was taking for these problems seemed to do any good. As a matter of fact, they seemed to make it much much worse. And what's worse is that my history with drug addiction, I can't get any BENZOS! ZOMG!!!!! :!

Long story short, i'm forced to hunt down on the streets some sort of benzos that will snap me out of this state before I literally lose my mind and do something horrific. I get lucky. I didn't get much, but what i got snapped me out of the state I was going into. I have no more benzos as of now, so i can feel the withdrawals returning. Oh why OH WHY did I have to put myself in this situation? I can't even take an opiate anymore without it fucking with my head! So much for wanting to trip. Guess that'll never happen. Oh well, I'd rather be sane and clean then using and crazy as a fucking looney toon.

Your thoughts? I've officially made TDS my home. I'll be here a while it seems.. 8)
 
Last edited:
I'd rather be sane and clean then using and crazy as a fucking looney toon.
Click to expand...

This. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through such a horrible experience to get to this point, but sometimes such a trauma is necessary to show us the way.

Best of luck to you, and chin up-- we're a friendly lot here, really! :)
 
wow u didnt nod? i had a friend go into rehab then jail for a total of 3 months clean he did 2mg and he said he thought he was gonna od ...couldnt walk ,nodding out bad ..and he was out in the yard at the firewood pile ,said it took hime a couple hours to get to the fucking house crawling
 
How are you doing now? How are the PAWS treating you?

What you did is something me and my friends have always wondered about. I had my suspicions it would be nasty, but not exactly how much.
Im glad to hear you came out of it with your sanity intact. Try and keep it that way mate.
 
Yes! I was nodding so bad that I thought I was going to die! I fought to stay awake as best as I could.. I know for a fact that nobody has died from taking suboxone.. so that kept me from going to the hospital.

To be honest, the PAWS seem minimum now for some reason? I have no clue why.. it's like they become less intense after all that. It must get worse though.. I guarantee it. I haven't given my body enough time to really say if it helped or not..
 
get ur damn vitamins fishoils ,tryptophan ...give your body what it needs to function PROPERLY u have no clue how much this helps .....

eat the living hell out of omega fatty acid pills ...take some tryptophan ,it made life more manageable ...ur brain was used to being normal on the drug ,it needs to get back to it original state

people have been brought OUT of alcoholic pshycosis from just supplying the brain with what it needed to function properly again ....same gos for opiod dependency ...
 
xHippiexchildx said:
So about 2 weeks ago.. I decided to take a whole suboxone, after I had been off of it for about 2 months. Big BIG mistake. I had about 3 left from what I hadn't taken.. I was just wanting the PAWS to stop. I'd had enough.

I took it.. not really knowing or caring about what was about to happen. I had forgotten my tolerance had probably went down remarkably, so I took a whole 8mg suboxone.

15 minutes later I feel the PAWS go away. 10 minutes later I start to feel a really good opiate high coming on. I thought to myself, "Hell fucking yes! I'm going to be feeling this way all day long. God bless." Wrong! Another 5 minutes go by and I start to feel.. like i'm on a dissociative? And it just get stronger and stronger until I can't even move nor feel my body anymore. Then the urge to puke comes on.. and it gets stronger and stronger until I can no longer hold it back. I quickly make my way to the porch and puke my brains out.. I sit in a chair on the porch next to the railing, because I know i'm in for one hell of a ride. I have no idea how many times I puked, but it got to the point where I would just dry heave. I tried to keep fluids in my body, but it would come right back up.

The next 2 days were horrible. After the suboxone completely wore off, my depersonalization and anxiety seemed to kick in at full force, and NONE of my medications I was taking for these problems seemed to do any good. As a matter of fact, they seemed to make it much much worse. And what's worse is that my history with drug addiction, I can't get any BENZOS! ZOMG!!!!! :!

Long story short, i'm forced to hunt down on the streets some sort of benzos that will snap me out of this state before I literally lose my mind and do something horrific. I get lucky. I didn't get much, but what i got snapped me out of the state I was going into. I have no more benzos as of now, so i can feel the withdrawals returning. Oh why OH WHY did I have to put myself in this situation? I can't even take an opiate anymore without it fucking with my head! So much for wanting to trip. Guess that'll never happen. Oh well, I'd rather be sane and clean then using and crazy as a fucking looney toon.

Your thoughts? I've officially made TDS my home. I'll be here a while it seems.. 8)
Click to expand...

Then I say welcome to your new home. Don't worry as you are not alone in this situation, as many people who relapse do experience what you did. Many people get so used to being able to down their opiates in high doses with no problem but tolerance can be a painful thing in low doses if too much is taken. It's great that you're deciding to get off of drugs though, as it took me a while to realize how daily cannabis use effects my moods. Especially when I go off of it like I did today (first full 2 days I've gone in a while without weed) and I've noticed I'm irritable, I have no appetite and I'm just down. Obviously this is in no way comparative to what you are experiencing but the main point I'm trying to make is I have to pull myself away from something I love for the better. I'm still going to use but there's something about being able to smoke weed after a long day of school that just really appeals to me, and it sucked when I came home and knowing I had weed, just had to do everything in my power to not smoke because I know that it will be for the better if I start to monitor my use, and even be able to pull myself away from it in extended periods of time, which I have achieved a few times before but I feel that coming up, maybe May I should probably take a break, just for the sake of my sanity. When I smoke a lot my mood does start to change and I don't really like it, I can't out on all of my emotions in a way that I don't like.

As pertaining to your situation, it's very good that you are making the decision to keep clean for the sake of your mental health (something many addicts struggle with coming to terms with and doing). So just letting you know that all of us TDS'ers are on your side and we're here to support you through staying clean :D Stay strong <3
 
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