I hate to play devils advocate I just know from personal experience when you are in an intense state of depression, the last thing you want is to talk to a paid stranger about your problems.
Can it help? Sure. But I wish there was a better way we could help you jagged I really do. Sometimes we honestly don't know what will help you and sometimes people have to go through some really traumatic experiences in life before they realize whats helpful for them.
And once you get to impatient, the question would still be, "what could they possibly tell me"?
The problem here is noone here really knows you. There are about a million and 1 significant facts we should know first before we even try to help you, although we all still hate to see another human being suffering, so we just try our best at the moment.
Aside from the facts you mentioned, one thing in particular that grabbed my attention was when you said "I have no substance to my happiness".
This is like people saying "I wish I could be rich". When a lot of people often forget if you are alive, you are already rich, you've just been brainwashed by most of the world to believe otherwise. "I need this car, I need this job, I need this man/woman". If you are alive and breathing, you are rich. And similarly, that is ALL it takes to be happy. THe prerequisite to happiness is being alive. But we are alive by default, and often get blinded into thinking we need other things in life to be happy.
Aside from all that psychobabble that likely doesn't engage you right now. I sometimes find a lot of people instinctively know whats wrong with their lives, but just like to avoid being in conscious awareness of it.
Are drugs fucking up your life?
Are you going through an identity crisis? (this is a lot more normal than people think and can sometimes last years)
I'd really like for you to do this exercise but sometimes it helps me a lot when I'm depressed or ready to off myself. You don't even have to do it here but it would really help us help you. Either way its worth trying.
Using just your imagination, write from the second your eyes open in the morning, all the way up untill they close at night, what your perfect day would be like.
You can be as specific or vague as you'd like, although detail often helps obviously.
But give it a shot. "I wake up snug and refreshed, and hop right out of bed w/out rolling around for hours trying to find a reason to get up, I go brush my teeth, and I am thin and healthy looking. My skins is bright and glows in the mirror, I'm excited to go to my job where I X..."
Its definitely corny, but its also pretty cool when you try it and use your imagination.
It can also help us see a much more accurate side of you too believe it or not. And I find it almost always cheers me up. I don't always do it that way though sometimes I just imagine what I'd look like, how I'd talk, the people I'd be around, what my clothes would look like etc. The imagination is a very powerful thing, put it to use in a good way. =]
