it's been a while

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Good topic. Seems like you genuinely want help, which is a very important step! Very philosophical thread. Shaping up to be a good one. When I get in my head too much, I try to get out there into larger society, it helps me not think about myself. Can be painful when at it, but then I feel peace and pride for myself after doing it.

Care to share what meds you're on?

wow. thank you everyone who answered or read.

i know what you mean @lecroute when you say it sounds like overload. it really is. it's like the choice between fight or flight. but not it's fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, i think. i'm freezing. actually being more inefficient than freezing because i am moving around doing things. i am doing them on autopilot and with a ton of frustration. and it just compounds building layers. my brain in half out of the game so i will overlook things while trying to do something. i will then fumble and get pissed and then complain -either in my head or outloud- that life always does this to me and it's not fair.
meanwhile i'm hating myself in my head also for complaining. and i'm aware of how ironic this sounds.

Sounds painful to me, I'd say most of all. I can relate. Was in something of a big rut myself for some time. Had to rely on my family a lot. I still do, but not as much.