could you see a therapist/psychologist/counsellor? someone to talk to about what is going on in your life, perhaps to get a deeper insight as to why you are back on this path.
it seems there must be an underlying internal conflict/trauma/anxiety/depression, for you to have such a strong desire to distract yourself. if you have been around here this long, you would know all too well what the possible outcomes of opiate addiction are, and personal experience of alcohol abuse, so there is on some level a blocking out of your rational mind.
i think the most important thing is to get to the root of the self destructiveness as soon as possible, 'why do you hate yourself?', is there another way to be?
of course more skilful coping mechanisms would be useful as well i think, things that demonstrate that you do care about your self. exercise (running, swimming, team sports etc), cbt, go to a meditation or mindfulness class.
normal is a concept and passe imo, just be yourself and people will see that, and like you for you. you don't have to fulfil what society or your parents/friends expect of you, just find what turns you on.
from a fellow weirdo
