Ubi
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2013
- Messages
- 295
Dear O.P
In my twenties, I use to fool myself thinking I had everything completely under control. (you know, doing similar things as your doing) Then one day, after coming back from Seattle, having crossed the border with about 10 empty flaps and one full one. *stupid move* But I made it through only to find myself pulling over oh so frequently to prepare a line so I could make it some more. and then another one, and another. I found myself talking to myself and eventually realized I was parked in a shopping mall, on the floor of my van absolutely messed up. Sleep deprived, looking rough and feeling even worse. The heart was having a tough time and the van looked like a scene from a Hunter S Thompson story.
I knew then after my year or so of so called controlled partying that I was in trouble. Then it got worse for awhile and I became a shadow of what I once was.
Finally, due to triggers (people, places, availability) I had to move. Sold everything and jumped on a bus, rented a back woods cabin and slowly began my recovery. Hopefully, you won't have to do the same.
*I think your in trouble here. If you don't get a grip now, you'll risk a spiral of events that could lead down a very tragic road my cyber space amigo. From all you have said, your in it now. It is difficult to walk away from that feeling that a good line offers BUT it does come at a cost. Coming off of coke is one of the worst feelings.
I really hope you find the strength to figure this one out before it figures you.
Meanwhile, if your still on your bed doing lines or bumps in the lu at school, at the very least, get your vitamins and minerals up. Hydrate and I'll also suggest talking to someone about this issue. Someone outside your circle; someone who will keep your details to themselves but can offer you options as well. A therapist of sorts. This is your only life. This time is a blessing. Please take care of it.
In my twenties, I use to fool myself thinking I had everything completely under control. (you know, doing similar things as your doing) Then one day, after coming back from Seattle, having crossed the border with about 10 empty flaps and one full one. *stupid move* But I made it through only to find myself pulling over oh so frequently to prepare a line so I could make it some more. and then another one, and another. I found myself talking to myself and eventually realized I was parked in a shopping mall, on the floor of my van absolutely messed up. Sleep deprived, looking rough and feeling even worse. The heart was having a tough time and the van looked like a scene from a Hunter S Thompson story.
I knew then after my year or so of so called controlled partying that I was in trouble. Then it got worse for awhile and I became a shadow of what I once was.
Finally, due to triggers (people, places, availability) I had to move. Sold everything and jumped on a bus, rented a back woods cabin and slowly began my recovery. Hopefully, you won't have to do the same.
*I think your in trouble here. If you don't get a grip now, you'll risk a spiral of events that could lead down a very tragic road my cyber space amigo. From all you have said, your in it now. It is difficult to walk away from that feeling that a good line offers BUT it does come at a cost. Coming off of coke is one of the worst feelings.
I really hope you find the strength to figure this one out before it figures you.
Meanwhile, if your still on your bed doing lines or bumps in the lu at school, at the very least, get your vitamins and minerals up. Hydrate and I'll also suggest talking to someone about this issue. Someone outside your circle; someone who will keep your details to themselves but can offer you options as well. A therapist of sorts. This is your only life. This time is a blessing. Please take care of it.