obscuracamera
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2011
- Messages
- 2
OK, so here goes.
I'm finding it really hard to quit using due to the very unique nature of my situation.
I thought I'd post on here to see if indeed there were others who are/have been in a similar situation to myself and could perhaps offer some insight/support/
My story is:
My upbringing was a good one. No trauma, two older brothers who took care of me and two loving parents who were always good to me and helped me every step of the way throughout my life. In high school I ran into trouble as I'm sure alot of addicts do with bullying and alienation, but nothing too devastating.
I have always suffered from depression mainly, and later on was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. I was put on Zoloft and Ritalin when I was 17 and found that I could cope better (despite the comedowns from Ritalin I discovered later, especially after abusing them with alcohol).
For a long time, I have used drugs and alcohol recreationally, sometimes more regular than others but not until a few years ago did I even consider myself dependent on anything.
My one escape from the hardships of being different and suffering from alienation was drugs. Not necessarily using them, just reading about them on sites like this one and erowid and reading books and watching films like Trainspotting, Candy, Requiem for a Dream and Junky.
I completely romantacized addiction and drugs for years and years and I can understand that that view most likely contributed to my trying drugs but can't work out why I became addicted and why I still can't stop with everything good happening in my life.
I began using Oxycontin two years ago as it seemed like a safe alternative to heroin. Buying OC 80s and breaking them up for snorting. I loved the feeling so much I sought out a 200ml/10mg bottle of morphine from a drug dealer of a friend. Some friend. Anyway, after going through all my morphine and many more OC's in a matter of weeks, I had to face the music and realise I had a problem. After snorting heroin for the first time. So I told my doctor and then my parents and was thrown into rehab after attempting to taper off OC under the supervision of my doc (unsucessfully).
Whilst in rehab I was put on Suboxone and met a fellow addict who had ten years of IV heroin addiction under his belt. He introduced me to needles and I went on and off Suboxone for a few months.
I then graduated to Methadone despite my doctor's advice and now find myself in a VERY shitty situation. I managed to stay clean for a year and a half; the first year I smoked weed on a daily basis, at my worst a bong when I woke up and one before bed and ten plus in between. The last six I was completely sober, did very well at uni and found a girlfriend.
The reason for my relapse was finding an old OC in my drawer. I thought about throwing it out but here oxy goes for $1 a ml. I promised myself it would be a one off but after my first injection it escalated from there. I am still on methadone and have been using once or twice weekly for around 4 months now and am finding it exceedingly difficult to stop.
I'd really like to understand my situation better and how I can go about recovering completely and living a sober life without methadone or antidepressants.I
I'm finding it really hard to quit using due to the very unique nature of my situation.
I thought I'd post on here to see if indeed there were others who are/have been in a similar situation to myself and could perhaps offer some insight/support/
My story is:
My upbringing was a good one. No trauma, two older brothers who took care of me and two loving parents who were always good to me and helped me every step of the way throughout my life. In high school I ran into trouble as I'm sure alot of addicts do with bullying and alienation, but nothing too devastating.
I have always suffered from depression mainly, and later on was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. I was put on Zoloft and Ritalin when I was 17 and found that I could cope better (despite the comedowns from Ritalin I discovered later, especially after abusing them with alcohol).
For a long time, I have used drugs and alcohol recreationally, sometimes more regular than others but not until a few years ago did I even consider myself dependent on anything.
My one escape from the hardships of being different and suffering from alienation was drugs. Not necessarily using them, just reading about them on sites like this one and erowid and reading books and watching films like Trainspotting, Candy, Requiem for a Dream and Junky.
I completely romantacized addiction and drugs for years and years and I can understand that that view most likely contributed to my trying drugs but can't work out why I became addicted and why I still can't stop with everything good happening in my life.
I began using Oxycontin two years ago as it seemed like a safe alternative to heroin. Buying OC 80s and breaking them up for snorting. I loved the feeling so much I sought out a 200ml/10mg bottle of morphine from a drug dealer of a friend. Some friend. Anyway, after going through all my morphine and many more OC's in a matter of weeks, I had to face the music and realise I had a problem. After snorting heroin for the first time. So I told my doctor and then my parents and was thrown into rehab after attempting to taper off OC under the supervision of my doc (unsucessfully).
Whilst in rehab I was put on Suboxone and met a fellow addict who had ten years of IV heroin addiction under his belt. He introduced me to needles and I went on and off Suboxone for a few months.
I then graduated to Methadone despite my doctor's advice and now find myself in a VERY shitty situation. I managed to stay clean for a year and a half; the first year I smoked weed on a daily basis, at my worst a bong when I woke up and one before bed and ten plus in between. The last six I was completely sober, did very well at uni and found a girlfriend.
The reason for my relapse was finding an old OC in my drawer. I thought about throwing it out but here oxy goes for $1 a ml. I promised myself it would be a one off but after my first injection it escalated from there. I am still on methadone and have been using once or twice weekly for around 4 months now and am finding it exceedingly difficult to stop.
I'd really like to understand my situation better and how I can go about recovering completely and living a sober life without methadone or antidepressants.I
