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⭐️ Social ⭐️ Is it possible to truly be the best partner to your SO without beating drug addiction

LucidSDreamr

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Let’s say you’re a drug addict; you’re married or whatever.

You feel that you owe your partner the best version of yourself because you love them so much. You’re also a drug addict. You suspect it’s impossible to give them the best version of yourself being one.

What do you do or how do you come to terms with it?
 
That's definitely a massive question. Personally, I think it depends. It depends how we look at addiction. Although addiction is typically only categorized as having negative outcomes and consequences in ones life, I think if someone, being a drug addict nonetheless, is able to control their use and limit these problematic life issues, I think they're capable of being a good partner and living your best life.

But for many people, this simply isn't possible, they are unable to control their usage at any level, and they have to be completely abstinent from drugs to be a fully present individual for their significant other.

Maybe that's a cop out, idk, but for me I think the answer is: Yes, maybe? 🤷
 
If operating in realism, yes. Nobody is perfect and drug addiction is one of many imperfections that may or may not be part of a sufficiently balanced and well struggled life. This general dilemma will thus unfortunately not serve as an indicator of personal truth. It's just one more imaginary crutch.
 
Maybe that's a cop out, idk, but for me I think the answer is: Yes, maybe? 🤷
Most people don't know this, but the original magic 8 ball was originally 500 feet in diameter, and the answers were actually longer. "IT IS DECIDEDLY SO..then again who knows...I suppose the answer is a bit more complicated than that. Are we talking about in comparison to yesterday or..."
 
In my personal opinion, a “drug addict” is someone who puts drugs before anyone else/everything else - regardless of how apparent it is.

I also believe it’s impossible to be the best version of yourself in any situation (relationships/work/parenting/etc..), when the main focus is always revolved around getting drugs, doing them, being worried about not getting them, having to get them, getting them... and so on. It’s a continuous loop and it’s exhausting.

Although.. some addicts, can keep the facade going for much longer than others. Inevitably, the cracks will begin to show, and down goes the facade.

I doubt everyone feels this way, and I’m not saying I’m right and others are wrong.

***What I’ve said is based on my own personal experience from when I was in active addiction, as well as what I’ve noticed in other situations along the way.***
 
As is always the question. What drug? Different drugs will have different levels of issues. Different partners will accept different issues for that matter.
My ex wife used to snipe about be getting high and being lazy on the weekends. After our divorce (not over that) she told me that it wasn't bad after all. "At least she knew right where I was."
 
I also believe it’s impossible to be the best version of yourself in any situation (relationships/work/parenting/etc..), when the main focus is always revolved around getting drugs, doing them, being worried about not getting them, having to get them, getting them... and so on. It’s a continuous loop and it’s exhausting.
I disagree with this to the extent that as long as the drugs are readily available some can be performance enhancing with work be it manual labor or intellectual labor. They are bad for personal relationships though I think.
 
I disagree with this to the extent that as long as the drugs are readily available some can be performance enhancing with work be it manual labor or intellectual labor. They are bad for personal relationships though I think.


Maybe I misunderstood what you meant in the first place?
I thought the topic was about addicts and relationships.. I only listed work as an example of how addiction affects everything life.
What readily available drugs that can be used to enhance performance, are you referring to?
 
Maybe I misunderstood what you meant in the first place?
I thought the topic was about addicts and relationships.. I only listed work as an example of how addiction affects everything life.
What readily available drugs that can be used to enhance performance, are you referring to?
I meant relationship a with SOs only (significant others) or romantic relationships.

As far as performance enhancing drugs for work go; I realize that everything works till it doesn’t and a brick wall will get hit eventually where the person needs the drug to be just as efficient as a sober counterpart of themselves because the tolerance and dependence has caught up with them.

But even over the span of many many years or even decades I think there are specific cases where if the drugs isn’t abused and the persons sober limitations are just so; drugs will result in a better more productive worker for many years (despite damaging the person in other ways) but just in terms of their productivity at work there will be a positive there. The two drugs I would put into this class are long acting opioids and amphetamine.

I don’t have too much experience with amp other than using it to work for 3 or 4 days straight without sleep during tigut deadline which would have been impossible otherwise.

With opioids, especially of the job involved manual labor and chronic pain or injury (let’s say a permanently messed up back) - the benefit there is obvious. Opioids also have an adderall like effect for non manual labor jobs. As I said I never used adderall much but with opioids I would get a similar benefit- able to work 14 hours straight without stopping and remaining on full concentration sort of thing.

Again using drugs for work can result in diminished returns and needs for breaks and time off are required to retain utility. But if you structure your life to not take the drugs while not and work and feel like shit and detox or taper down while not working: then dose while working- it works quite well. But you have sacrificed every thing else in your life to get a benefit just for work so it’s not that great of a trade off.

But with someothings ; especially chronic pain for example. I can tell you I would be homeless with no real career or education due to chronic pain whereas because of opioids I am very successful in my career and there is simply no way I wouldn’t have curled up in a ball and gotten fired due to chronic pain rather than excel at my job if it was not for opioids. But I already had a preexisting problem. And opioids have a big price to pay for sure even though just strictly work working I got a return on it; they have compromised other parts of my life (like the SO relationship for example).


I’m not suggesting some perfectly healthy person go out and take drugs to excel at work. That’s something different.

Imagine similar situations exist with adderall where the person would indeed be useless without it
 
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Let’s say you’re a drug addict; you’re married or whatever.

You feel that you owe your partner the best version of yourself because you love them so much. You’re also a drug addict. You suspect it’s impossible to give them the best version of yourself being one.

What do you do or how do you come to terms with it?
Well, I suppose it is up to your partner to decide what they want out of their partner. If they are satisfied enough with how their addicted partner is fulfilling their role as partner, then maybe it doesn't matter. Nobody is perfect, and nobody should look to their partner to be everything to them. People have to have some independence and ability to meet their own needs on their own.
That said, the beauty of a relationship is joining forces and sharing and supporting each other (even though being likewise independent). Being an addict in a relationship can be detrimental to that. Maybe ask your partner how they are doing with it.
 
This kinda hits home. I'm married, and I love my wife to death. However, my wife is against my drug use "flushed my drugs down the toilet when she caught them", she doesn't know that I currently use, or maybe she is just looking the other way, I really dunno, but what I know is that she's a smart girl.

If she gave me the ultimatum between her and drugs, it would probably be the most difficult choice for me, but I would like to believe that I would choose her. Hopefully I don't ever have to find out!
 
This kinda hits home. I'm married, and I love my wife to death. However, my wife is against my drug use "flushed my drugs down the toilet when she caught them", she doesn't know that I currently use, or maybe she is just looking the other way, I really dunno, but what I know is that she's a smart girl.

If she gave me the ultimatum between her and drugs, it would probably be the most difficult choice for me, but I would like to believe that I would choose her. Hopefully I don't ever have to find out!
That’s a whole other element; relationships where the partner doesn’t even know you’re using and can’t help your through it. Must be even more lonely.
 
I definitely should’ve been more clear than I was. I hope this makes at least a tiny bit more sense.

I was trying to explain my personal thoughts on addicts, and how chaotic and dysfunctional they can be to themselves, and their loved ones (This includes significant others). I used “work” as another example of important things affected by addiction.

Maybe you see drug addiction in a totally different way than I do! Not everyone agrees, and that’s totally cool.

I spoke more to the thread title, than to the question of “what to do, or how to accept it”. . Do you lean more to the “person that uses drugs” side, or more to the “drugs are blowing up my life but I can’t stop” side?
I feel like you’re the only person that can make that call because it really is such a personal thing.
 
In my own personal experience, I can't be my best *anything* when I'm actively in addiction.

I was very functional for a number of years, but that was it... I functioned. I didn't thrive in my relationships, career or any other aspect of my life.

I always blamed my ex-fiancee for ending our relationship. But looking back, my being a raging alcoholic may have had a little something to do with it!!!
 
Depends on what drug you're addicted to & what it causes you to do or how it makes you behave.

Also depends on the limits & boundaries of the person you're with, which will vary for everyone.

I've been in a relationship for a long time & I'm still an "addict". But I don't use destructive drugs like meth or alcohol anymore. If I did it might be a different story. But I still smoke weed, need cigarettes, opioids & anxiety meds. My partner use to judge me for it but doesn't anymore.

I think if some one loves you enough they're willing to accept it.

I mean, is it possible to be your "best self" if you're mentally ill? Not always. Does this mean mentally ill people are a strain & shouldn't have relationships? What is your "best self" anyway? Everyone in life is just winging it & doing what they can to get through living which is an existential nightmare on it's own.

A lot of people who use are also mentally ill & need their self-medicating to function/be normal. We don't treat people on SSRIs and anti-psychotics as if they're bad people for using medicines, but we've all been conditioned to treat users of other drugs as bad people.

If you're say, a meth head & you can't stop smoking meth & hooking up with people, well some one might not like this & might not want to put up with it (I've actually known several couples who went through this exact scenario & some how even they made it work in the end). But if your partner is addicted to say alcohol or benzos but they don't do anything else to really intentionally hurt you (like cheating) then that's something that they would have to work through & it's the partners choice to stay with them if they choose to.

I've known countless druggy couples through out my lifetime & many of them are still together 20 years later. You might not always be your "best self" on certain drugs, but you can surely make a relationship work if you're both dedicated to each other enough.
 
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Of course it's not possible to be your "best" while being addicted to any drug. Having a hobby you do a whole lot will take time and focus from your partner. This, unless your partner shares that hobby and that hobby could include a drug(s).

That said, different drugs and hobbies will affect your focus on your partner to different degrees. I'll add that what you bring to to table initially is gonna vary. I had an ex who bitched about my daily pot use quite a bit. After we broke up, she told me that the losers she had after were worse than me without the Marijuana. I guess I was a cool enough guy without pot to where the sum total was tolerable.
 
We don't treat people on SSRIs and anti-psychotics as if they're bad people for using medicines, but we've all been conditioned to treat users of other drugs as bad people.
this might sound like singling out certain drugs so anyone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I think this is a great point you make. If opioids were as freely available as SSRis….i think people on opioids would operate pretty functionally into society unnoticed just like people on SSRIs.

If you got a bunch of ppl physically dependent on SSRIs (which they are) then suddenly made them highly restricted like opioids are; I guarantee you would have ppl stealing for them and trafficking them and doing all the crazy shit opioid addicts do to avoid withdrawal.

If we go to the current fentanyl tranq drug at street level; this is very different than heroin or oxycodone or something, I think it would make people less efficient and useless and just sleep like zombies all day. I find oxy and heroin to be almost stimulating like a light dose of adderall; it’s very different to be on these despite them being opioids.

Then alcohol is a definite No answer. If you’re an addict of that you’re a mess.

Meth? It could go either way depending on how resilient the individuals mind is to the drug. Some ppl lose their minds and others are normal.

Crack. No. You will be a mess on.

So yes some has to do with the legality societies view on the drug and some of it is intrinsic to the specific drug and some of it depends on the individual. So think these are the variables that matter to answer the original question
 
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