Is it normal (or wrong) to feel as loved/as much love for a pet as a close relative?

[Tryptamine*Dreamer]

I found out a long time ago, probably by the time I was 8-10 years old, that I felt emotions just as strong for animals as I did for humans. There was a period after that where my ability to feel emotion for any living thing was decreased, but much more so for people. At that time, I only loved animals and my mom.

I'm not going into details, but from as early as I can remember, there was serious psychological abuse from my dad including death threats. I witnessed my mom physically abuse my brother and my dad her. Everyone abused animals. When I was maybe nine years old I was made to start abusing animals. All the other shit still going on. This went on until I was 15 and went berzerk, becoming maybe the scariest person you could imagine (in part to get revenge on parents and make them afraid of what I would do if they abused animals, but largely because I developed psychotic depression or a severe mixed episode with psychotic features that lasted a couple of years).

I also always found it very hard to get to know a person but that was never a problem with animals. I still find it very hard to get to know other people or even put myself in situations where I will have to be around anyone I do not know.

I am now 30 years old and the love I feel for my pets (Baby the Macaw and Lucky the Raccoon) is just as strong as the love for the people I love most (mom, nephews, one brother, one sister) and I feel the love of/from my pets much more frequently.

It may be because I believe that higher animals possess very similar emotional capacities and abilities to those of humans and also because it is clear that they have a pretty high degree of emotion, but I feel like my pets love me just as much or at a similar level to the people in my life.

How unusual is it to feel like this, especially as an adult? It seems to me that the normal thing to feel and believe is that people who love you have stronger feelings for you than animals and that people feel more loved by you than animals. That is not how I feel though and I can't force myself to feel what I believe to be normal and I am not going to try.

I think I could be just as upset by the death of a pet as of a relative (I don't know) and that just seems fucked up.

Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Does it make me a freak? Does anyone think that this means I am unable to feel emotion at a full capacity since I feel just as loved by my pets as the people I love? I have already stated my opinion on animal emotion, but I want to be judged based on the commonly assumed belief that animals to a great extent lack the emotional capacities of humans.

I have no intention of trying to change how I feel even if most of you think I am a weirdo nut (I already know I am weird and I should have some kind of certification for being a nut by now).

I'd just like to know if others think this is wrong or abnormal or if they may feel the same way about animals compared to people.

I also know that the abuse I experienced, witnessed, and committed (though I did not want to) greatly affected my outlook and how I feel about these things. If you want to say how you think that affected it, fine, but that is not what I am really looking for. What I want to know is if there are people who did not go through that BS who feel the same way and if others feel that it would be normal for someone who did not have those traumas to feel as much love for and from their pets as their family and friends.

(Also have to say since I am majoring in Wildlife biology and Broadfield science that I am aware that humans are a species of animal. I feel like I have to say that since my primary major is in the Biological Sciences and a lot of nuts don't know that people are animals or that evolution is real)

 

[Maya]

I do not see anything wrong with this. This is actually quite normal.

We used to have dogs before and whenever one of them dies, it would put me to tears. I have always treated my pets as a family member. Someone I have loved over the years.

The most memorable pet I have had was "bridgette". Whenever I would go home after school, she would always come to me and greet me. It made me really happy after a long day in school. Before she passed away, I wasn't able to say goodbye as it was sudden and it really hurt me. I believed that she loved me as much as I loved her.

 

[Foreigner]

I think the arising of genuine compassion means you will feel a connection with most of the other living beings on this planet, regardless if they are human or animal. There is something to be said though for those who feel more of a connection to animals than humans, and I believe it has something to do with where one feels safest. Often people who suffer trauma or torment from humans, or simply find the human world painful, will place animals at a higher level of esteem because there is less drama there. On the other hand, it's easier to project our higher values onto animals because they can't counter us with any verbal semantics.

I grew up surrounded by animals and in them I have found a purity of wisdom yet a constant innocence. Plus imagining the world through their eyes is really cool.

 

[Spoo]

I cant imagine the heart-ache involved when you were around 15. My heart really goes out to you. You're a trauma survivor so your actual biology and brain development was effected by these horrific circumstances. In your case many women actually resort to subjecting their body to forms of deviant pornography for a living and often have inter-personal issues and how they relate to people and have serious self-control issues. In fact, people in therapy in your situation are often advised to stick with caring for simple things like plants and small pets. Besides being disconnected towards relationships with people in general, does it other-wise cause problems in your daily life? Do you use drugs or alcohol?



Get the idea of "Normal" out of your head and replace it with "Healthy." You are unclear with your own feelings, I think, in part because you were subjected to such trauma that overrode your sense of responsibility of where your emotional capacity lies. Doing horrible things is bound to screw up the equilibrium of what you feel is "you" and your choice to what is being humane person. I have some philosophical meanderings but I cant help but look at it psychologically. I wont chime in with anything philosophically other than "Wrong" is an illegitimate term for describing our own sense of morality and should be replaced with "healthy." "Wrong" shouldve been left behind after the French Revolution.


Take care.

 

[Tryptamine*Dreamer]

I cant imagine the heart-ache involved when you were around 15. My heart really goes out to you. You're a trauma survivor so your actual biology and brain development was effected by these horrific circumstances. In your case many women actually resort to subjecting their body to forms of deviant pornography for a living and often have inter-personal issues and how they relate to people and have serious self-control issues.

I have had a number of people on here assume I am a woman for whatever reason, but I am a man. I am not gay either. I am asexual - I have no interest in sex. I would like to fall in love but not have sex, though I would have sex anyway to satisfy my partner if necessary. As far as attraction, I guess I am bisexual.

In fact, people in therapy in your situation are often advised to stick with caring for simple things like plants and small pets. Besides being disconnected towards relationships with people in general, does it other-wise cause problems in your daily life? Do you use drugs or alcohol?

I use lots of drugs. I ended up trying to commit suicide maybe 7 weeks ago after getting high on amitriptyline (a tricyclic antidepressant with deleriant effects similar to datura) and coming to believe delusions that my mother was braindead and it was my fault. My favorite drugs are psychedelics and dissociatives, which I normally use 1-10 times per month (1-4 if I only have serotonergics, and 4-10 if I have dissociatives) but I use opiates and benzos daily most of the time. I have cut back my frequency of use since getting out of the mental institution. (I have tried to kill myself a number of other times while my mind was perfectly clear and rational, twice when I was 14 (eating a bunch of what I thought were Amanita virosa a.k.a destroying angel mushrooms with 30 or 40 tylenol pills - the mushrooms destroy the liver. I got really sick for about a month but I think it was some other poison mushroom since I did not die and my liver functions normally. The second time a massive drug overdose, not sure why it wasn't more effective - I am sure well over 100 and maybe 200 amitriptyline pills (several bottles combined in one, filled to the brim) and another of doxepin filled just the same - both tricyclic antidepressants which are very dangerous in overdose along with lots of trazodone and many other pills, once when I was 15 (just eating the centers from 6 roach baits and part of a tube of roach killing gel), once 3 years ago by cutting veins open, and less than two years ago by overdose - I woke up in the intensive care unit and my oxygen level had been quite low even with oxygen (I decided to go to the hospital, otherwise I would have died). So I have had trouble with trying to kill myself since I was a teenager and if you count taking maybe 30 tylenol pills just to see if I would die, then the first attempt was age 11 or 12.

I love animals and I would not want to care any less about them than I do now. I don't even wan't to care about them less than I care about people and it seems from the few replies that nobody thinks I am wrong or a bad person for feeling this way. On the other hand, nobody outside of Bluelight (well, just family) feels that it is not either immoral or abnormal except possibly my mom and I think with her it is more just like accepting the way I am because after I told her how I felt, I asked if she thought I would feel more severe grief and sadness when a human family member died than when a pet died and she didn't have to think at all before saying yes. I am not sure if that is possible because there has to be a limit to how bad it can get and when it pushes you to attempt suicide and spend every waking moment thinking about suicide and the loss. how can it get much worse?

Get the idea of "Normal" out of your head and replace it with "Healthy." You are unclear with your own feelings, I think, in part because you were subjected to such trauma that overrode your sense of responsibility of where your emotional capacity lies. Doing horrible things is bound to screw up the equilibrium of what you feel is "you" and your choice to what is being humane person. I have some philosophical meanderings but I cant help but look at it psychologically. I wont chime in with anything philosophically other than "Wrong" is an illegitimate term for describing our own sense of morality and should be replaced with "healthy." "Wrong" shouldve been left behind after the French Revolution.


Take care.

When I did anything to hurt an animal, I knew very well it was wrong and felt horrible about it. I would often find ways to punish myself. When told to beat a dog to make it stop barking I would use non-violent means such as giving it the attention it really wanted if I did not think I was being watched and if I was being watched I would try to minimize the pain. I knew what I did was wrong and cruel and I did it anyway. I saw the abuse and lack of love my brother got for voicing his opinions so I decided to be the perfect clone. Most of the time I still tried to make the lives of the animals as much better as I could most of the time (exceptions noted below were an attempt to survive/tolerate the situation and losses). I don't know how what I did back then would not be wrong. It was not humane and I knew it. I would definitely define being made to do those things by adults who should have known better as wrong.

I don't personally feel there is anything unhealthy about my feelings for animals. Those feelings combined with the type of career path and a charitable nature or personality may allow me to do something significant to improve the lives of animals, and that would be a good thing. If not, I still get to enjoy their companionship and I am fortunate to share my life with two species of animals that most people never even get to touch (A raccoon and macaw). I am really good with animals and will likely have other unusual pets in the future, possibly as part of a research project into the behavior, emotion, and/or intelligence of the species in question. I have low self esteem and I don't think I brag about myself a lot, but I am actually proud of my ability to care for and understand or figure out the needs of animals and I think I do an extremely good job caring for my pets.

I am now able to make human friends, though I am sure I would choose the company of my non-human friends over the humans if forced to make a permanent decision over which friends to keep. I do still feel closer to my pets because I know they will not betray me or go away and leave me when I am having a hard time. They seem to know when I am feeling bad and want to stay with me more and also behave very well in those times. Perhaps that is my imagination, but I have taken too many pills a number of times. My bird has spent the whole day standing on and beside me while I could not be aroused a number of times according to my mom and I ended up falling asleep twice on my raccoon's bed after taking to many drugs and he spent nearly the whole time lying on and beside me while I was out cold all day. This is according to my mom. The raccoon is usually pretty active and will pull at your face with his claws or bite if you just lay there ignoring him while awake (hurts, but most of the time he has to do it quite a few times before breaking the skin or making you bleed). He did not do that at all while I was passed out in there.

The only reason I was not wanting to discuss psychological issues related to this is because that thread already exists. I titled it "Confessions of an Evil Mind". You can find it here: Confessions of an Evil Mind: A Glimpse Into the Heart of Darkness if you want to read it. If you want to add anything about the psychological aspects of my situation, you can do it there or here. I had created this thread just to find out if others thought my feelings were acceptable. Probably not a very good title I chose for that old thread, though at times during the period where I was forced to beat the dogs and they were always being disposed of like trash, I tried to make myself not care by hurting them for no reason and trying to make myself feel like I enjoyed it. It did not work, it fucked me up worse, and I can never take back what I did. I'd also try to make myself hate the dogs I knew were going to be disposed of soon.

I do believe that my parents would still be getting dogs, keeping them a few months to a year, then getting tired of them and dumping them out in remote areas if not for my protesting the behavior and the negative way in which I handled it in my mid-late teens (threats to harm my parents, suicide threats, self injury) and doing the same thing to any sick animals (now they usually get to go to the vet). Doesn't undo anything I did, but at least I helped stop the animal abuse and neglect from continuing, even though I went about it the wrong way. They were going to resume their old ways when I started behaving normally and I had to explain to my mom how depressed it made me feel and that I really could kill myself. It seemed like she just did not understand me at all. She knew I really liked animals but somehow couldn't see it as love or just did not care. My mom seems to now actually care about animals as she spends time with them and seems to enjoy their affection. I am not sure what brought about that change. I wish it wouls have happened before I was forced to do anything cruel. I have cared a lot about animals since as young as I can remember.


As for my emotional capacity: I have no idea how it compares to normal. Is it average, shallower, deeper? I know it is more negative in that I feel depressed a lot and when the depression is bad enough all positive emotions are severely blunted - it can make it hard to feel anything strong for my pets though I still spend just as much time with them unless I get into a state where I am sleeping like 18-20+ hours/day. I can also get hypomanic or manic, just not that often, and it seems like I feel everything more intensely. Can also be dangerous because once I stayed up all night waiting to prove to my family that I was immortal. I was going to do something that would kill a mere mortal and walk away like nothing happened. I came to my senses in time. I just don't know how to tell if I am able to feel emotions as strongly as other people or not. I had said maybe the way I felt about animals was an indication that my ability to feel emotion was less than normal, but I really don't see any reasn why that would be the case. I am not sure how anyone can tell whether they or someone else has normal emotional capacity. Some people feel them just fine bbut don't express them. People with antisocial personality disorder can be good at faking it. Who knows? I guess I should not worry about the strength of my emotions. They are strong enough to keep me from wanting to do bad things and make me want to do good so they are probably within the normal range.

I do still just have the opinions of three people though. Would be nice to get at least a couple more, not that it is going to change me. Just want to see how more people feel about this.

 

[junegreenjeans]

Our four legged furry friends know us very well. In my opinion your level of emotional connection towards your furry pals is wonderful! Just because they don't speak our particular language doesn't mean they don't understand. I did not experience the BS you endured in your youth (and I am sorry to hear to had to) yet I have always been more connected to beings of the non human type, always. I believe they know who is harmless and who is not. I have encountered bears in the wild and they have simply walked on by. I attribute this to the natural connection I feel with all living creatures of the non human variety. Your not alone here. They know us better than most family members and ought be treated with as much adoration, care and love as they give us, more....

 

[junegreenjeans]

Just read more of your story. So very sorry to read more of what you went through. I do hope you'll be alright. Please, watch out on the drug experimenting. I too experiment occasionally (although the last time was a terrible experience) and I ingest MMJ almost daily; but reading all the stuff your putting into your body and the frequency in which your doing so raises some alarm bells.
Stop beating yourself up.
Please, stop beating yourself up. Your here now, not back there in the past. Your bigger than that and your doing the right thing. Remember, the World now more than ever NEEDS people who have your abilities; and the idea that your schooling yourself is brilliant.
Please stop abusing yourself

 

[vegan]

we don't choose our relatives, we get them randomly
there is no reason to a priori like them more than a neighbour, just because he happens to live close to you.

many people are not nice
these people have relatives too. why should the relatives like them if they are not nice?

what happens is that often, because our culture teaches us that members of a family should stick together, people may develop preferential relations with relatives
that's an a posteriori reason, not a priori
if your mom is mean to you, there's no reason to force yourself to love her because she is your mom

so no, i don't see any reason to feel bad about caring more for an animal than a human

on the other hand, people often have despicable behaviours whereas animals, as their behaviours are more simple and less fucked-up, give us less reasons to dislike them