is addiction worth fighting

[captainballs]

recently i spent a week in detox for opiates and benzos, a daily 'habit' i've carried for 100 percent of my adult life. i know i'll be addicted to opiates forever, but my credit is permanently shot and it's making it hard for me to get a job in finance so i'm having a hard time paying for a massive habit. detoxing brought my tolerance down a lot and it was too rapid. i almost had a real heart attack while taking a shit in the hospital.

needless to say, i've relapsed a few times within the two weeks i've been out. believe it or not, i have a positive attitude about doing stints in rehab and 'putting more tools in my toolbox' by attending aa and trying to work the steps. i noticed that it made me mature a lot in just a short period of time. i like the new me, who has gained a slightly stronger grip on the drugs and is also more patient and easy going.

however, i don't think i honestly want to quit doing opiates. i really enjoy them. the new me is better because i don't crave them more than i crave money, so my paychecks don't all go toward them. i think my main issue was letting my health go because i wasn't eating and the pain from wasting away made me just need more.

i kind of want to manage my addiction permanently with methadone because it's cheap and legal and it feels totally awesome. i live my life by the books so i'll probably never get busted for stealing toothbrushes from wal mart to buy drugs or something, therefore i'm not worried about going to jail and withdrawing. i can't afford subs though, which is what i would prefer. i think it's possible to have a great life while being addicted to opiates if you find a manageable way to do it. has anyone stopped fighting and started thinking about legal and cost effective ways to enjoy opiates regularly, and if so what are some pieces of advice?

 

[WSB15]

i kind of want to manage my addiction permanently with methadone because it's cheap and legal and it feels totally awesome.

If you go on Methadone, you're not going to feel "totally awesome" for very long at all. You'll adjust to your dose and feel more or less normal. Then you're just stuck with being addicted to one of the hardest opiates to withdraw from...at which point many people start increasing their dose.

I'm not saying methadone (or suboxone) is a bad choice, it really helps some people. But if you want to go on it to get high, its probably not going to work well for you or live up to your expectations. If you get on it because you need some opiate to feel normal and avoid relapsing on illicit opiates...then its something to consider.

 

[yoboy]

don't worry about not being able to afford suboxone..... I like methadone alot better and everyone I know feels the same way. Suboxone ain't shit. If the methadone is working for you, just roll with it.

As far as a cost effective way to do opiates... I don't know. I've tried to tell myself to spend 20 dollars a day on dope and it never works. Methadone is the way to go, IMO

 

[burn out]

how are you ok now a week after coming off benzos?

to answer your question, the downsides to being addicted to drugs, even opiates, tend to continuously increase with time while the upsides continuously decrease.

 

[bagochina]

is addiction worth fighting

Absolutely... I cant even begin to explain how much I enjoy not being strung out. Its definitely different and I cant say I love being off drugs [hard] but things are better. If I keep going like I have been going the next 6 months will be great. It has taken forever to start to be content being lazy and not going to parties or partying by myself. Stay strong captain, it is too easy to use dope/drugs.

peace.
seedless

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Yes. Not having to wake up and think, I need to pee but I'm gonna do some heroin first cause I can't make it to the bathroom if I don't use... or having to fit in going to my dope dealer every single day.. not having to have drugs to get the fuck out of BED, that is awesome.

You can't think about sobriety as just being "not using drugs." It's so much more than that. It's making a new life for yourself, its changing who you are. It's GETTING A LIFE. Cause as long as you're a slave to opiates you really don't have one. And you can justify addiction any way you want (it was just my health that fucked me up, I'll just be cool on methadone) but if you end up in a detox unit you're a fucking addict and there's nothing else to say on that matter really.

I don't have very much time right now and I've done the relapse thing so many times I don't have enough fingers and toes to count, but I'm in AA mode right now so that's my opinion.

 

[captainballs]

yeah i agree that it's not a life when the drugs are illicit. i don't like having to bend over backwards just to not shit in my pants every day. i do think a legal maintenance drug would be preferable. th only difference would be my mindset. they let me out of detox with a sober medal even though my new scripts cost 300 per month, and when i don't take my antipsychotic and anti seizure meds i have migraines, fast heart rate and arm fallin asleep low blood pressure i guess it's better than taking something that actually puts me in a decent mood.

i can't complain, after all it was my choice to dump the 'addictive' drugs and instead take these new drugs which totally suck but are allegedly not addictive.

burnout, i'm not okay from benzos but i'm so used to feeling like i'm in a nightmare that this is par for the course. also, a little known fact is that the 'danger zone' for benzo abstinence is about 3 days - after that you probably won't die from the withdrawals unless you shoot yourself.

 

[captainballs]

christ i'm getting grumpy. like an old man.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

yeah i agree that it's not a life when the drugs are illicit. i don't like having to bend over backwards just to not shit in my pants every day. i do think a legal maintenance drug would be preferable. th only difference would be my mindset. they let me out of detox with a sober medal even though my new scripts cost 300 per month, and when i don't take my antipsychotic and anti seizure meds i have migraines, fast heart rate and arm fallin asleep low blood pressure i guess it's better than taking something that actually puts me in a decent mood.

i can't complain, after all it was my choice to dump the 'addictive' drugs and instead take these new drugs which totally suck but are allegedly not addictive.

burnout, i'm not okay from benzos but i'm so used to feeling like i'm in a nightmare that this is par for the course. also, a little known fact is that the 'danger zone' for benzo abstinence is about 3 days - after that you probably won't die from the withdrawals unless you shoot yourself.

Addiction is about needing an outside source to survive. Going on permanent methadone maintenance is just switching addictions. You're not going to reak the riches of sobriety if you're still addicted to a "legal maintenance drug." You're going to have to go a clinic everyday and take it, you're going to suffer BAD withdrawls if you miss a dose, and methadone doesn't get you high unless you're abusing it, it just masks the signs of withdrawl when you're coming off of opiates. If you just want to get high, don't fool yourself, just use your drugs.

That's my advice anyway. Good luck with your journey.

 

[Unregistered001]

is addiction worth fighting?

pls send this to DS http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=507423

Can you explain your benzo detox a little more please and explain the three day zone better and whatever sources have you got for that one.

Really appreciate your answers and opinion.

My opinion on the methadone idea is that you will gravely disappointed and it is a tough job when you change your mind.

Advice: cont. reg drugs until you're ready to really jump or get good doc and arrange a long term script for a good opiate.

Good luck.