Irrational fears after benzo withdrawal

[HCandKROD]

I have had severe panic attacks since 1986. I was 22 y/o when I had my first attack out of the blue and I thought I was gonna die. I went to emergency probably.....conservatively 30x before a doctor told me I needed psych help. I went to a psychiatrist and was put on Xanax 0.5mg tid. Stayed on for 1 year then moved and quit benzo therapy. I might add Xanax stopped panic attacks immediately.I might also add I was and am a heavy alcohol user.I also grew up in a state group home in the 60's and 70's due to having no parents. Fast forward to 1996,bad panic attacks again back to doctor rx'ed Valium 40mg qid. Stopped in 2002 due to moving again.Stayed normal till 2007 then had panic.Went to psychiatrist and started on 1mg Xanax tid then progressed to 2mg qid by 2009. By 2011 I was having tolerance withdrawal and withdrew by using Valium in controlled withdrawal. It took 9 months but I eventually was Xanax free. Now to the problem.....I still suffer from irrational fears of dying i.e. cancer, heart attack and all crazy ideas of dying.I have tried SSRI"s,Propanolol,hydroxyzine all beta-blockers etc.I don't leave my house and am in fear for my life constantly.Please,what else can I try!! If I could talk to a psychiatrist for 20 minutes and explain all this but in the United States the insurance companies have turned most psychiatrist's into only prescription writers only. I am serious,I really need help!! Please!!

 

[kayladelmo]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Panic attacks are awful. I don't think the fear of dying is irrational. Have you ever tried talk therapy or counseling? Do you have a healthy spiritual life? Do you exercise regularly and get enough sleep? Those things might help alleviate your anxiety, if you haven't tried them already.

 

[HCandKROD]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Panic attacks are awful. I don't think the fear of dying is irrational. Have you ever tried talk therapy or counseling? Do you have a healthy spiritual life? Do you exercise regularly and get enough sleep? Those things might help alleviate your anxiety, if you haven't tried them already.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I have tried talk therapy and it has helped to an extent. I am a very private person and the things that were done to me in my early life are very secret to me.I was adopted at age 11 (1975) and for some reason I cannot be completely honest with a therapist. I am in a living hell as my wife accepts my current life style but I am living in turmoil.Medication seems like the only way but I'm afraid of the consequences of the only meds that seem to help. I try to pray but I feel like such a hypocrite that my prayers seem to hit the ceiling.Exercise is restrained to walking the puppy as I am afraid to leave the house.

 

[Pagey]

Benzo withdrawal might be greatly contributing to your irrational fears now since it's taking whatever anxiety you had before (and it sounds like you had a lot) and increasing it exponentially. Problem with benzos is that they are not and should not be used as a long-term solution. Have you tried seeing a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist? Since they can't prescribe meds that might enable the two of you to try and find another, more 'natural' way to deal with your fears which would be much more of a long-term plan I think.

 

[Delphinia]

you might try CBT therapy if you havn't already. If focuses more on breaking cycles of anxiety, being mindful of how your thoughts affect your behaviors and vice versa. Its much more effective than talk therapy for me, though your doctor will challenge you. Best of luck to you!

 

[inw]

Go on benzobuddies.org and take a look, you have the EXACT symptoms of withdrawal and the fucking shit part is that it can last 6-18 months AFTER your last dose. I hit tolerance w/d in Jan '12 and finally finished the taper 4.5 months ago but still really bad agoraphobia, anxiety/panic, dizziness, extreme crushing fatigue,etc.... I get windows of a few hours per month where "REAL LIFE" comes back but then it goes back to shit.

The bottom line is that even if you taper slowly over a few years and successfully get off a benzo, the GABA sites and receptors are not even close to returning to homeostasis for some people so you get withdrawal for a long time after. These ignorant ass hole dr''s are not supposed to prescribe a benzo for more than a few weeks.

Regarding trying to eliminate the anxiety and panic, I found that in withdrawal or tolerance withdrawal it is "automatic" I was only able to get rid of it a few times but I was feeling "decent' those days, if you feel like shit and try to go anywhere or do anything , the panic and anxiety will be tenfold. That's my long term experience. I didn't get anything out of the CBT therapy because one day I can go to the store or go somewhere and then for weeks I can''t do anything, that's proof of the brain chemistry being messed up.

 

[RobotRipping]

^i'm a year off my valium taper and trust me it will get better in the next few months. I feel like i was a different person when i was in benzo withdrawal. I function now, struggle like hell but dont get discouraged, every single week you will see improvements.

irrational fears are an expression of anxiety. you will have to treat the underlying issues to get some relief. That stuff that is secret to you and private needs to be processed. Find a therapist you are comfortable with and let it all out, they won't judge you for it, they are there to help you deal with it. You need to process this stuff to get better, there's no way around it.

 

[T. Calderone]

I'm going through something similiar HC. I never had a problem with going to see a pysch doctor because I worked a state job for more than 23 years. I lost my job in 2009 and havn't had insurance since. I worked underneath the table at the homeless shelter and quit four months ago. Half the time I cannot leave my room never mind leave the house. I started hearing noises that weren't there. I walked around the house thinking my son left his ipod playing or my dad had his little transistor radio on. I thought I was losing my mind and I know I'm not schizophrenic, just sleep deprived. I can attribute this to the xanax overuse combined with drinking. The withdrawal really did a number on my head. It's been more than 2 months and I'm starting to think maybe there is really something wrong with me. I can't function normally and wonder if I'll ever be "normal" again. Enough with my shit.

If you're able to, I would see a doctor. Maybe he can give you meds to level you out for the time being. I would like to get the chance but cannot afford $400 an hour for scripts. Theresa