Introspection 01

[psychedelicious]

This is me. This is my anti-manifesto.

I am only now fully realizing the consequences of the sum of my meditations and drug usage - the effects it has had on my persona goes far beyond the introspective nightmares and cool patterns - I see the effect of my experiences manifesting themselves in my unconscious self. I've been rewired, revamped, rewound and restrung so many different times that I feel I've lived hundreds of lives in the past three years...

My body is young but my mind is old and ready to rest, but there is no time. Learn, work, eat, sleep, love, wash, rinse, and repeat...


I'm so tired...


Where did all the good go? Was I just ignorant? I guess I've just come across of one those mid-life crises that only passes with time and meditation. I've been trying to do just that as much as possible - reflect on my situation and place in the world - and it has helped... but there is so much time between now and the next moment, and the final moment, that I am for once afraid. I fear that infinitude I know so well.

In the past, I embraced it... but now, I've seen what it has to offer, what it means, and why it is, and I do not wish to know it any more. I wish I wasn't so aware. Maybe I'm just not aware enough... How much more of this is there?


Every day is thrice as long as the previous day. Every day is amazing, good, joyous, but it lingers so, so much...

They say time seems to speed up as you grow older... it hasn't for me. It keeps slowing down, each moment undertaking the last. Is this thing we call life just the process of dying? Is this just my life flashing before my eyes, through my brain? Is this just the feeling of worlds colliding?

There is nothing new under this sun or any other. It was all here ages before and will always be, ages after...

---

I can feel my blood pumping through my arteries and veins and capillaries. I can follow the pulse throughout my whole body.

I can feel my heartbeat, slow it up and speed it down.

---

People would kill me for the objects I own. I would kill those same people for their sanity. We kill each other and everything is fair.

Life goes on...

one of my posts in SLR is the first half of this, essentially, and I felt the need to continue with what I was saying. thanks for reading.

 

[(Wordy)]

To me these read like the thoughts of a mind blessed with acute perception and awareness.

In my opinon, there comes a point when repeated use of drugs can no longer provide the "life insights" you're seeking, although the same drugs may have opened up pathways and spurred you on to insights in the past. Then it's time to look to other methods for gaining insight (spirituality, creativity, meditation, philosophy, etc).

 

[drEaMtiMe*@#]

"They say time seems to speed up as you grow older... it hasn't for me. It keeps slowing down, each moment undertaking the last. Is this thing we call life just the process of dying? Is this just my life flashing before my eyes, through my brain? Is this just the feeling of worlds colliding?"

i really liked this part above and in general the way your perceptions connect and flow on from one and other.

 

[psychedelicious]

I just remembered this thread.

Thanks for your comments, Wordy and Dreamtime.

 

[E-girl]

"Is this thing we call life just the process of dying? Is this just my life flashing before my eyes"


Yeah.... it is. I don't think it's a pessimistic way to look at life at all. Life, from the moment you are born, you are forced to accept that your days are numbered. We are given the gift of not knowing when we will go, but every day there is that reminder that the end could be around any corner. It's what forces you to appreciate every moment. Only then, can you overcome the fear of death. You are dying since the day you are born... living is what happens in the moments in-between.

Your life flashing before your eyes is memories... and in my opinion, memories are flashbacks of the soul... without them, everything you've been and done, is pointless. Because who cares what everyone thought of you... all that matters is what you thought of yourself, looking back. When your life flashes before your eyes, are you happy with what you see? For your life to have meaning, there has to be more than shadows when you glance back.

 

[PyroFromTheCenter]

A cheerful piece...

It's like... now that I've seen all this and sorted it out, which side of the fence will I seat myself upon? Will I be dark and jaded, or will I be light and generous?

Wordy says it best when he speaks about coming to an end of what drugs can do for you. Soon enough, every generation sees that they aren't the end. Psycadellics and other chems and plants are not where we stop. Rather, they are just the beginning to our epic. This is our story. We are writing it!

Pyro -- Tim
P.S. The Original Pyro

 

[psychedelicious]

E-girl, this wasn't a negative piece... it doesn't represent negative emotions. Just thoughts. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your post.

Thanks for your comments, E-girl and Tim.