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Introducing your good friends to your kids as "aunt" or "uncle"

MyDoorsAreOpen

MyDoorsAreOpen

Bluelight Crew
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Aug 20, 2003
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Is this the custom now, in the circles you run in? I'm more interested in hearing from people who come from ethnic backgrounds where this is not an old established custom.

I'm seeing it done a lot by the people around me in my generation these days. It strikes me as odd, unless the people involved are Indian. My parents always introduced me to their close friends by their first names with no title, and that's what I called them. The only people I ever called "aunt" or "uncle" were my parents' siblings and their spouses, and that seemed to be true for everyone else I knew too. I even called one of my mom's brothers and his wife by their first names without any title, because that's what they wanted.

I remember being in China around 2000, and hearing kids (none of whom had any siblings) calling their first cousins "brother" and "sister". Maybe this is something similar in the US, in response to much smaller families in my generation.

I don't think this is a decision to take too lightly. To me, having a special title like "aunt" or "uncle" implies that the person is a committed part of our lives, and that of our children's too, and like a first degree relative, will be around for the foreseeable future. These titles don't mean anything if any fickle Tom Dick or Harry I spend an evening chilling with becomes "Uncle so-and-so". I feel kind of the same way about describing people to their faces as "good family" or "best friends" -- if you use those terms lightly "in the moment" and they become common, how do you describe people who've really earned a coveted spot on your A+ list?

Any thoughts on this are welcome.
 
My friends just had a kid and they always refer to me as "aunt" and my bf as "uncle" to the kid. My boyfriend is like BEST FRIENDS with her and I am pretty good friends with her as well. My bf and her grew up together, they've been friends with each other for years. I obviously met her through my boyfriend but we're still pretty close. My boyfriend and I are also good friends with her boyfriend. They are probably one of our best "couple" friends you know? Anyway, he doesn't have ANY family around. Her family is like a four hour drive away and she isn't very close to them (she's a bit of a rebel) so I suppose we are pretty close to being "family" to them.

I do not like being called "aunt" because a) I'm not really an aunt and b) I don't like kids. I don't intend to spend a lot of time with the kid. It has many other good role models in it's life. I don't need to be one of them. I dislike kids.

(Oh and I'm from Canada if that matters, and I'm 22)
 
I was never introduced to my mothers friends as anything. I knew them by name.

I have friends who do both though and have known dealers who introduce their kids to their regulars as aunt or uncle.
 
Yep this is pretty common in Filipino culture I'm always referred to as "tita" which means aunt. :)
 
For our daughter we have introduced one or two of my really good friends and aunt or uncle and that's because I feel like these people are indeed like family to me. Only one title has really stuck throughout the five years of her life anyway so far and he's really proud to have been given that title as he's never going to have kids. He's quite protective over her as well. We've explained the difference between her real uncle (she knows one uncle is her papa's brother and one uncle is one of our best friends) but those are the only two she's got. Nowadays family isn't always defined by blood (I don't have any ties with my family..they are scattered around and no one talks to anyone, really) so for me to feel like I have family I had to create one myself. I feel this is important for children, as it takes a village ;) Just my two cents though
 
I have only seen it done in a sort of jest. Like my good friend is like my brother, so to my child he might be uncle. Usually the kids have been old enough, that I seem to remember, to know that they are not their true aunts or uncles, and they get it. It adds a closeness, or it implies that this friend is close to family. Like my friend is a brother, or sister.

If you are close to someone to include them with your family gathering, they are like family. To separate them, is to separate them, and perhaps that doesn't feel right, and although calling them aunt or uncle might not feel completely right (hence a touch of jest, in my experience), it might feel more right than introducing them like they'd introduce them to another child of their own age on the playground.
 
Pretty much all my boyfriends family are "Aunty" or "Uncle". They're a tight knitted family so we kiss on the cheek first each introduction.
 
All of my mum and dad's close friends are known as 'aunty' or 'uncle'. I'm in Australia and it's quite common here. I'm already an Aunty to a few of my friends children and I just love it!
 
I think its nice, after all it takes a village to raise a child. Very lose old friends are often better family than those 'family' in the true sense of the word. It indicates that you're more htan just a fickle Tom Dick or harry friend.

As long as the kids know their family tree and who's who so they don't grow up confused.
 
I'm not a fan of this practice because friends can come and go. That's not to day that friends can't be closer than family, but we've had friendships end or change in nature. I found it disturbing to have our daughter think of family as permanent and yet "Aunt Sallie" is no longer in our lives or talked about. For this reason, we stopped using Aunt and Uncle except for family. It was not even something we discussed. We both just realized the potential for confusion.
 
I just got back from India, and like MDAO mentioned, is a part of the culture there. I might mention it's a part of the culture that I really liked and have adopted as much as makes sense for our family and friends. How it works is you would call anyone older "auntie" or "uncle"-- even the travel agent, maid, and rickshaw driver. It created a nice family feeling and gave a sense of community everywhere I went. Simply.

Before this, my daughter was calling everyone on her (actual) Auntie's side of the family "Aunt" or "Uncle". They are extended family with no official designation so it was just a convenient term to refer to them affectionately.
 
badandwicked said:
I think its nice, after all it takes a village to raise a child. Very lose old friends are often better family than those 'family' in the true sense of the word. It indicates that you're more htan just a fickle Tom Dick or harry friend.

As long as the kids know their family tree and who's who so they don't grow up confused.
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Agreed. My parents never did that but I see my real aunts and uncles maybe once a year so can't say they've had a more integral part in my life than my parents' friends or other people I'm not related to. Obviously it should be made clear to the child who's actually in their family and who isn't, but there are certainly other people I consider more like family members than my aunts and uncles, and therefore I'd never have minded having them introduced to me as such.
 
One of my mom's closest friends went from Ms. ______, to Aunt ___, in less than a year, back when I was just a li'l guy. And, I consider her two daughters my cousins.
 
I think that maybe the tradition from the ethnic societies is rubbing off on the cultures that do not have this tradition. I think it generally only gets applied to family friends that are very close and in many cases are essentially family. I don't see it very often that someone's children refers to a loose acquaintance as aunt or uncle. Are you sure you're not underestimating the strength of the friendships in question?
 
I don't think it's a new custom, I think it's a global human practice and probably has been for god knows how long. I don't see how it can be seen as a problem :|
 
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