Lizardfina
Greenlighter
Hello! Apologies for the incoming long post ^^;
I've been a long-time lurker (at least seven years), and finally made an account in hopes of having a few questions answered about some substances I took a few years ago (4mec, 3mmc, 4fa, and 5apb).
I have a great love of psychedelics. Shrooms were the first thing I ever used, and after that point I went on a mission to find more. I have recently been diagnosed as high functioning autistic, and I'm pretty sure that was my way of self treating, since they made me understand things I hadn't yet been able to, and I felt more connected to the world in general. I have a lot of empathy, but tend to feel like an outsider looking in.
Unfortunately, I didn't find more psychedelics. In 2008, I ended up on effexor for anxiety, and it completely changed my personality and caused a lot of self loathing and depression. I went on a self destructive spiral after failing a midterm, ended up hunting for meth but found crack instead. That lasted for about eight months, but it was a major problem. I wasn't able to stop using crack until after I weaned myself off of effexor (because every doctor I saw wanted to raise the dose instead of help me stop taking it). I've also been given Seroquel that I probably didn't need -- that one killed my creativity and ability to compose music in my head. I've been off of it since ~2012ish, and that ability is only *just* starting to return, but minimally. I'm pretty sure this change is permanent.
I ended up replacing crack addiction with codeine (Tylenol 1s are OTC where I live), and recently stopped an ongoing daily habit.
Sometime around 2013, I realized RCs were a thing and finally got to use psychedelics again. I had a collection including 4-aco-dmt, bk2cb, 2ci, 2ce, 2cp, 2cd, 2cc, 25i-nBOME, escaline, proscaline, 5-meo-dmt, 5-meo-mipt, 4-ho-det, and LSA. I also used MDMA and MDA (still do, but maybe once a year at most now), methylone and mephedrone. I use cannabis daily, after work. It's the best thing so far to manage all of my symptoms, and keeps me functional.
I had tried mephedrone when I was at a low point in my life, and liked it too much. The first time I tried it was also the last, as it came under scrutiny and although not yet illegal, my vendor could not get more stock. When I realized I would never be able to enjoy it again, I obsessively read up about comparable substances and started using methylone more often than I should have. I finally stopped after a sinister 4-aco trip that occurred immediately after coming down from methylone (sinister like, for example, I had the giggles and such, but it felt like something dark forcing me to laugh uncontrollably. I blacked out for less than a minute while smoking weed, and came to laughing and unable to stop for a while. It was very unnerving.)
I was very reckless around this time, and had an experience that I think had potential to be deadly. I'm not sure, but I hope to gain some insight on what happened when I post about it later. At the time, I was sure it was serotonin syndrome, but it's possible I just had a strong reaction to what I took and wasn't in danger.
I then went through a really heavy period of psychedelic use (multiple times per week), which I attribute to helping me deal with the causes of my anxiety and depression. I'm pretty sure without psychedelics, I would have kept sabotaging myself and would possibly be dead.
I stopped using them for several years after getting a full time job (priorities), but have started to use them again on weekends every few months, starting with a beautiful first time with LSD on NYE. I havent touched a stimulant since 2014 (not including MDMA), because I know they are too much of a weakness for me. I can't even watch Breaking Bad without having using dreams or cravings. I value myself and my job too much at this point in my life to risk either one. But I do intend to keep exploring psychedelics, because used properly, they have proven to be beneficial for my mental health.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read all of this rambling nonsense! I hope to participate often. These forums have given me a lot of good information over the years.
I've been a long-time lurker (at least seven years), and finally made an account in hopes of having a few questions answered about some substances I took a few years ago (4mec, 3mmc, 4fa, and 5apb).
I have a great love of psychedelics. Shrooms were the first thing I ever used, and after that point I went on a mission to find more. I have recently been diagnosed as high functioning autistic, and I'm pretty sure that was my way of self treating, since they made me understand things I hadn't yet been able to, and I felt more connected to the world in general. I have a lot of empathy, but tend to feel like an outsider looking in.
Unfortunately, I didn't find more psychedelics. In 2008, I ended up on effexor for anxiety, and it completely changed my personality and caused a lot of self loathing and depression. I went on a self destructive spiral after failing a midterm, ended up hunting for meth but found crack instead. That lasted for about eight months, but it was a major problem. I wasn't able to stop using crack until after I weaned myself off of effexor (because every doctor I saw wanted to raise the dose instead of help me stop taking it). I've also been given Seroquel that I probably didn't need -- that one killed my creativity and ability to compose music in my head. I've been off of it since ~2012ish, and that ability is only *just* starting to return, but minimally. I'm pretty sure this change is permanent.
I ended up replacing crack addiction with codeine (Tylenol 1s are OTC where I live), and recently stopped an ongoing daily habit.
Sometime around 2013, I realized RCs were a thing and finally got to use psychedelics again. I had a collection including 4-aco-dmt, bk2cb, 2ci, 2ce, 2cp, 2cd, 2cc, 25i-nBOME, escaline, proscaline, 5-meo-dmt, 5-meo-mipt, 4-ho-det, and LSA. I also used MDMA and MDA (still do, but maybe once a year at most now), methylone and mephedrone. I use cannabis daily, after work. It's the best thing so far to manage all of my symptoms, and keeps me functional.
I had tried mephedrone when I was at a low point in my life, and liked it too much. The first time I tried it was also the last, as it came under scrutiny and although not yet illegal, my vendor could not get more stock. When I realized I would never be able to enjoy it again, I obsessively read up about comparable substances and started using methylone more often than I should have. I finally stopped after a sinister 4-aco trip that occurred immediately after coming down from methylone (sinister like, for example, I had the giggles and such, but it felt like something dark forcing me to laugh uncontrollably. I blacked out for less than a minute while smoking weed, and came to laughing and unable to stop for a while. It was very unnerving.)
I was very reckless around this time, and had an experience that I think had potential to be deadly. I'm not sure, but I hope to gain some insight on what happened when I post about it later. At the time, I was sure it was serotonin syndrome, but it's possible I just had a strong reaction to what I took and wasn't in danger.
I then went through a really heavy period of psychedelic use (multiple times per week), which I attribute to helping me deal with the causes of my anxiety and depression. I'm pretty sure without psychedelics, I would have kept sabotaging myself and would possibly be dead.
I stopped using them for several years after getting a full time job (priorities), but have started to use them again on weekends every few months, starting with a beautiful first time with LSD on NYE. I havent touched a stimulant since 2014 (not including MDMA), because I know they are too much of a weakness for me. I can't even watch Breaking Bad without having using dreams or cravings. I value myself and my job too much at this point in my life to risk either one. But I do intend to keep exploring psychedelics, because used properly, they have proven to be beneficial for my mental health.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read all of this rambling nonsense! I hope to participate often. These forums have given me a lot of good information over the years.
