well the benzos are turning out to be the worst. I cant sleep on them anymore for anymore than a few hours. I cant even crawl out of bed on them. Nearly impossible to have sex on them. The withdrawls, im fearing im approaching are scaring the shit out of me. They turn me into a fucking zombee, instead of a loving opiate fuckface. God, benzos are the worse thing ever. You guys should read this PM. im gonna post it. It was a private one to a loved one, but what the hell. THis is what i have been up to.
"Dont know if you read any of my VERY FEW recent posts, but i went back to injecting, and doing multiple pills and drugs, alcohol. I ended up doing 160mg oxycontin in a number of hours. In total i injected 80mg oxy into my arm. Same day took 30mg diazapam, 8mgclonazapam, and 30mg hydrocodone. How am i alive? Must be a reason eh? The day before i even tried injected a benzo! a fucking benzo i was so desperate. It ended up just bruising my arm. Due to the oxy injections, even though i filtered them pretty fucking good, ive been coughing up blood here and there evey day since, but its declining, so i think i will just ride it out and be ok. I miss you too. I took DOI, was supposed to take 3.5mg ended up taking 10.5, the next day got some REALLY good acid, was supposed to take 3tabs, took all 8, then next day, took 3pills of PURE X, confirmed pure....and throughout the last 2 weeks i've been eating benzos, valium and klonopin like candy. Im almost out, and when i stop, i might actually die. A little worried to say the least. Benzos have turned into the devil. They make me just want to sleep and do nothing, but even that feels like shit...i have another large shipment comming through, and hopefully i will be able to taper.. If not, im going to a clinic to force me to detox. I litterallly cant do anything. I dont even want to get out of bed. Its a fucking chanllenge to get out of bed. I cant believe i even got on the comp. Im so sick of all this shit. But you're there, so i cant just leave. Sad to say, if i run into more oxycontin, im gonna be slamming it in my arm. Hopefully i can convince myself just to snort it or eat it. God, i got SO FUCKING wreckless like within a week. I even got a bottle of wine one night, the night of the 160mg oxy, drinking while shooting up and popping benzos. I even made 2 1/2lbs of poppy seed tea, for an even fatter dose of morphine. I'm not even exagerating any of this at all. I have some major fucking problems. I'm even getting 2grams pure Ketamine any day now! Im going off to space AGAIN for awhile.
Yesterday an old girlfriend toook me out and we did X at a dorm party and ended up doing the old "in out". I really needed it. I dont love her or anything, but it at least gave me SOME sanity back. Im gonna get on AIM now and see if you are there. Thank you. Love you. Tim.
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