in tons of pain...

bcfly7x7

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 14, 2014
Messages
209
Location
PA, USA
Okay, so 25 days clean. My chronic pain is killing me today. I have been using Aleve and Motrin. Not helping at all. My back is throbbing, my legs are numb, and my knees feel awful.

I refuse to take the klonipin I have left over. Ive tried using my electric stimulation, nothing. Tried a bath, nope. I did goto the gym today, second time in 3 days. I thought day one I would hurt, but nothing. Then today after the gym it just hit me. Cant sleep.

Im wondering if this is just another stage of PAWS or my body searching for the oxy and morphine. Any ideas?

Bob
 
I wish I had some advice for you. I'm about 45 days clean and I feel like shit too- thought it is a better form of shit than it was 2 weeks ago. I can't sleep either.

This may sound stupid but the thing that helps me when I can't sleep (which is every damn night, OH for a good night's sleep again, will it ever happen?!) I read. I've found that reading books that other people have written about recovery really helps. It is like having a friend who knows our pain, who is going through what we are and has come out on the other side. It gives me hope. It helps to read about other people's messed up lives. It takes my mind off my aching legs, aching body and restless mind that wishes for opiates. Some nights I read for an hour, some nights for 2-3, but eventually I fall back asleep. (I recommend a Nook or Kindle, on the night setting- don't turn the light on, it will wake you up too much). I also found taking a multi-vitamin, and extra magnesium helps me. 100mg. of doxylamine sleep aid. It knocks me out for a couple/few hours at least.

Sorry there is not much concrete I can say to help. Misery loves company. Keep coming here. :)
 
im in no way a sober person today...but...in the past, ive had 2 years plus.....and i can say the sleep issue will fade over time, unless you have underlying issues as i did, such as depression, anxiety, and ptsd...that shit doesnt just go away....yes, i was treated and it helped but i gave it all up for another run....that was 5 years ago....still grinding...nearly died...yet im still drunkenly swaying in the wind tonight.

you will sleep again and it will be sweet....just hang on...peace.
 
Well the pain has finally passed, mostly. That was just a really tough night. Thx for the support.

Bob
 
Oh Cavebear... I ache for you. I know what it's like, I get the "another run, grinding away".... when you're ready to slay the dragon, you'll have emotional support here.

Bob, I actually slept completely through the night last night, and I tried something new. Usually melatonin doesn't work for me, it actually seemed to jack me up in a way that was (certainly not fun lol) but not restful. But last night I was desperate for answers, so I figured stupid is doing the same thing but expecting a different result, so I switched my OTC cocktail of sleep aids up. I took 10 mg melatonin and 2 of the diphenhydramine sleeping tabs (the walmart brand actually). I also took a multi vitamin and my magnesium and potassium supplements after dinner... for the first time, I didn't have any pain and I didn't wake up! I'm not sure if it's a fluke or not but you might give it a try. Oh yeah, and I also took 2 tylenol with the melatonin and sleeping aid. Nothing else. Good luck. I wonder how tonight is going for you?
 
Bob, why are you coming off the medication? Are you doing a medication holiday or coming off the medication for good?

You may have explained this in a previous post so sorry to ask again if so.

If you don't mind me asking is it due to your age? I am 58 and have been a chronic pain patient for a couple of years. I will be on meds for the rest of my life and so far I am good with it. Guess I'm wondering if something has happened, bad with respect to the meds, that has caused this or you are fairly young and want to come off of the meds.
 
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Hey edge,

Sure im happy to explain. Im completely coming off all medication, sans aleve. So I was 27 when my l5 s1 vertebra popped, herniated, and lost all fluid. For two year I went to every place you could imagine, from acupuncture, epidurals, PT, spine surgeons (they wanted to do spinal fusion) I would have lost 60% twisting movement and they said I might only be 10% better. So at that time I had a 2 year old daughter, I love golfing, and skiing, oh and the wife, I think you can guess where that's going.
So finally I went everywhere my primary dr sent me too, and thousands later, I told him nothing worked and argued with him for a long time. I needed to work, was living a 6 figure lifestyle and told him I wanted a pain mgmt specialist. Finally he gave in and sent me to one. At that point im 29. Fast forward 7 years, I went from about 155lbs to 235. I was becoming very lazy, missing work and most importantly I was missing my own daughters life. (Forgot this part but at 32 I had disk replacement surgery, paid 50k out of pocket because insurance didn't cover it) Recovery from that surgery took awhile a long while. Since I was addicted to the meds, more physically then mentally at that point, I just kept going to the pain dr. I do have nearly complete movement back and at 32 I didnt want to not be able to show my daughter how to ski or golf.

Okay, back to the present, missing everything I mentioned was a big part. However, when I was constantly counting my meds to make sure I had enough, and if I didn't, what could I do to get some. I thought about seeing if I could steal some from my 95 year old nana. This was on 8/28/14, I thank god for the moment of clarity and I thought what the fuck are you doing and thinking?!? I realized my mind was now fucked too, not just my physical addiction. That day I called rehab/detox and checked in on the 29th. I called my dad told him what I was doing, I was supposed to go on vacation for labor day weekend, he came up and supported me.

So I detoxed for 7 days then left, im either 27 or 28 days clean now. I have no urge for the meds, but the lingering PAWS, im going to have to endure will be lengthy, I probably wont be back to even for another year.

Also the meds were a big part of getting off too. Its so hard to get them even with a valid prescription. Every other month my normal pharmacy wouldn't have it(walgreens). So then you have to go all over gods green earth to find them because you cant function without them. Pharmacies wont tell you if they have oxy or morphine for fear of being robbed. Not to mention the FDA is putting more restrictions on these meds because of the massive abuse in the US. So I also got tired of the rat race, tired of it all.

Im going to get back into shape and use electric stimulation and hydro therapy to help. Don't get it twisted though, im still in pain and I have numbness in both legs. Weirdly though I was in more pain while taking the meds, I feel better now and my mind is coming back.

Hope this answers any questions you may have had, feel free to msg me if you have any other questions.

I wish you the best, just know what you're getting into,

Bob
 
it will take time for your natural pain killers to stabilize, your doing great man good for you
 
Oh Cavebear... I ache for you. I know what it's like, I get the "another run, grinding away".... when you're ready to slay the dragon, you'll have emotional support here.

thank you kiitah.
 
Good for you refusing to take the benzos. That shows a lot of strength and unless your physically addicted to benzos or have epilepsy you definitely dont have to take that shit!
 
Thx vitaman,

Yea that was tough, but I figured it's not a pain killer so why bother. Plus I just refuse to give in.

Thx

Bob
 
Thanks Bob, I appreciate your candor. I feel the way I do because I'm retired, my son is grown and doing well in his chosen profession, I'm divorced, and I will never walk naturally again. Well the last thing is according to my doctors. They also told me I would never walk again, and I went from the wheelchair to a walker, started driving, and for the past 6 weeks I am walking with a cane, so doctors are not always correct in their diagnosis.

But anyway, I may just be trying to justify it to myself. Although I really cannot think about walking without taking the medications I am prescribed. Even then I am still in a good bit of pain. I live in a small town and get my prescriptions filled at a mom&pop pharmacy. I'm taking morphine and oxycodone also but have no problem filling them each month. I'm guessing you live in a larger city?

But again I appreciate you telling me your story. And if what you are doing is the correct thing for you then I think you are doing great and I will keep you in my thoughts.
 
No problem edge,

Im happy to. In your situation, I would take the meds if it means you are able to walk again. Even if that is slowly or with a lip. For you, now it's a question of quality of life. If I were in the same place, I would want to be able to walk for as long as I could. Also one recommendation if I may, don't be afraid to ask your dr about trying new meds combined with other and that will help you in finding out what works best for you. Sometimes people are to afraid to question or ask a dr about other treatment options. You need to find out which combined medication works best for you before you commit to one road.

Im so happy to hear you can walk, when you can walk we don't appreciate it, when we lose the ability to do something that is natural, it can be devastating. Remember dr are not infallible, what works for you might not work for the guy sitting next to you with the exact same thing. Remember that.

God bless,

Bob
 
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