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In the interest of honesty

Herbavore, you actually made me tear up. I was actually thinking about what you were saying to me last night so I decided to flip through your posts and I came across this. Your sadness lies in your strength. I couldn't imagine how anybody could live through something like this until I met you. Your will to stay who you are amazes me, and how you could turn something like this into both a positive and negative motive in your life, but you are somewhat satisfied with both. Of course forgive me if I'm mistaken by that, but from what I've seen from you that's what it seems like to me. As much as your post breaks my heart, it kind of is relieving to me in a way, knowing you've found a life past these things, yet you still manage to hold them dear to your heart. Do you now understand why I look up to you, and why I'd probably die without you? You're on that list for a reason :)
 
Welcome to TDS. You will find that Herbavore posts many intelligent and moving posts (not to say she's the only one, but I really love her posts). I'm glad that you're inspired to not take your son for granted.
 
Hello Herbavore,

I was really touched by your post. I can't imagine what it must have been like finding your son. He sounds like he was a truly amazing person. Much loved by alot of people. I feel terrible for your loss :( . I think that it is awesome to have someone like you joining our community. I would like to thank you for the messages you sent me. You have definately picked me up when I felt down.

Alot of us have come here fir different reasons. When I first came here I was in my mid twenties. I was a recreational drug user. I loved the rave scene and I came here to learn about drugs for my own safety. Not long after I came here I started to suffer depression. My father died and within a year after his death I was disowned by my mother, horribly bashed by my brother and I lost complete contact with my sisters ( they are both horrible people, I don't wish to see them again). My drug use became alot less about the recreational side and more about coping with my loss, pain, hurt and sadness. I went on to alot harder drugs because I just didn't care if I lived or died. I started IV'ing crystal meth. Once a fortnight, then once a week, then twice a week etc etc. Before I knew it I was on 5-7 day benders. My alcohol drinking turned into binge drinking and sadly I am an alcoholic now. Why I am telling you this is because I want you to know that your sons choice to use drugs does not make him a bad person. Everyone has some sort of addiction. Drugs just have that way of making you feel great and in control, then before you know it your trapped into addiction ( not everybody that uses drugs, but it does happen to alot).

My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you stay an avid poster in this community, I know your son would have wanted you to and I'm sure there are alot of people here (especially in TDS) that need your kind words and advice.
 
Wow herbavore I didn't know you have such big pain inside of you, I also am so touched by this post.
If this helps you in any way, its kind of embarrassing for me, but tears formed under my eye while reading this.
And that really means something coming from me, cause I am very feeling less at times.
I am so so so sorry for you. I think you should ask the news if you could publish a little article about your son.
they would be fatuous if they said no.

I can like literally feel your pain just from reading that. You don't know how sad it makes me to hear that a
mother lost her son. Your so strong to live on. I think its great how you mange the problem even though
you have to let go someday. I think this break me if I were in your situation.

If theirs ever a problem with you ,the way you feel, the people around you, someone treating you wrong, well hell even if you need someone to talk to when your sad I'd be happy to receive a pm from you <3 .

I really hate my self for not being able to do more then this. If their is anything I can do send a pm over here !



And your a great person to this community like my innerself already said. You defiantly helped me on my way of being clean. Your such a great person. I think I have read a post of your son before but I cant remember where and when :(

I keep going though this to correct any errors or to add stuff cause I just don't feel this is enough. I've went though my post like 10 times now even let it run though a spell checker. Ahhhh <3

I hope this is enough now


Okay last edit!
I belief everyone has a place in this world. If it is a computer genius or a social worker or a even a garbage man everyone has a place. Sadly seldomly the perfect one is found for everyone. But I do belief you belong here. All the love you gives warms allot of people. I know from all the posts I read I went though all of them on this thread. Your a great person full of power and your doing a great job on this forum.

Ahh fuck this is the very last edit I promise!
Even though I never spoke directly with him in a pm or in a post I know that he must have been a great person. I belive that half of a personality comes from the DNA and the other half coems from the surounding. I can jsut tell that he must have been a stong man. I hate to hear that he was not always ecsepted around.

Okay I really had to write this down 2 days later now :D ... sorry ^^ I am layoing bed and I jsut had to open up the laptop to tell you this...
If your looking for a good memory then sounds,songs or even speical smells you smelt with him or on him might give you back some good feelings and memorys. I remeber one day when I had my special alarm on I always woke up with this feeling I didnt reconise it or think special of it when I had it but now 2 years later I think back of the time I woke up with is. Or the smell of weed makes me think of ym dad working out. Because he would always smoke weed after or before working out and I thought it was just the smell of him being swaety. The song from ed sheeran "the a team" always makes me think of the times when I got high because I would listen to it when I was high and it brings up bad memories and the adiction comes back, now I dont like it anymore. Even the felling of something can bring back memorys of your son. So if you want memorys you might wnat to buy the perfume he used or the deoderant.
Lars <3 <3 <3
 
Ive seen ekttamine's cartoons modified into memes all over facebook lately... theyve spread all over the place... pretty awesome, every time i see one i think of him :)
 
Miss you,Caleb! <3 <3 <3...you are alive and helping so many people through your story and your mom!!!

I love you,herbie!!! <3 <3 <3
So glad that you are with us!!! :D


Much peace and love.........................................skillz =D
 
Wow, I came over here to say hi to some new folks and plug TDS and I was very surprised to see this thread on page one!

Hi Skillz!<3<3
 
herbavore....I love your guts!
Caleb will NEVER be forgotten!

Drop by NMI and say high! We would love a guest appearance!

All my LOVE..........................skillz =D
 
Herby, I found this thread by following a post you made in SLR; I'd never read this. My heart is filled right now...filled with sorrow, love and an overwhelming urge to hug you so hard.

Much love to you; you are a true testament to a mother's love and the strength that we have inside of us <3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I am glad you have signed up for an account.

Did you ever learn about an official cause of death?

I am very sorry about how there were needle stashes in his room. I believe if most localities had needle exchange services, then people could take advantage of these and not leave used needles in stashes in ones room. Needle exchanges also reduce the spread of infectious disease, as well as reduce crime in an area.

Your son really was a great person, and I know we all miss him here.
Click to expand...

Hi I am very new to BL and your post Herbavore was one of much grief and disrepair, i am very sorry for your loss, i can not imagine how devastating it is to lose a child. A parent should never have to bury their child.

In reference to the quote above by Captain.Heroin about the needle exchange services i would just like to add to this. In Sydney they have an Injecting room clinic set up in a particular suburb. Many people are totally opposed to this stating that it only "advocates injection drug use". Human existence is suffering, everyone finds some way of feeling better, escaping their minds and stress of everyday life. And if it helps people WILL use drugs no matter how much it is forbidden by society. From what i have heard of the Injecting room is that many lives have been saved. They supply clean needles to reduce the spread of blood borne viruses, they provide a level of supervision that if in the case of an overdose immediate medical attention can be at hand. If reversal agents are administered quickly an overdose victim can be rescued.
There should be a much larger support for these rooms.
Most overdose deaths are NOT intentional.
And given what i have read here in this forum your son was very much loved and a great person. And as in Physics energy cannot be destroy only transformed into other forms.
 
I consider myself very lucky to have the fortune to have read you're post Herbavore, it's been awhile for you now, but I still can't help but FEEL you're loss for a child! I'm fortunate to have same/age children. I only could wish that I could write such a composed and deeper tribute to understanding for an untimely loss, and I pray I never have to! You must BE a wonderful Mom!
 
Some day maybe we can have a world that recognizes that prohibition does not work and never has. Someday we might grow beyond the hypocrisy that separates alcohol from other substances. Someday we may recognize true diversity in people, their choices and their lifestyles as well as what riches these differences bring to the table. Maybe someday as a species we will be more interested in the human soul, in each person's struggle with loneliness and disconnection, than we are in how we look, how much we own and how much we can get away with grabbing while we are here. Maybe we will pour money and research into science that strives to foster understanding rather than science that creates new ways to harm and destroy. Maybe too, we will try to understand addiction as the complexity it is, rather than punishing addicts as immoral. That is the world my son wanted and it is the one I want. Whether it is needle exchanges or ballot measures to decriminalize drugs, from speaking out to break down stereotypes to creating more choices for recovery, from taking the time to read about and understand mental illness, there is a lot to fight for out there.

Thank you both for your messages to me. It is people like you that make Bluelight the caring community that it is. Welcome!:)<3
 
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