In need of hope

[hangingbirches]

Hello, im new

Writing this i feel distressed. Im worried ive done permanent damage to my mind that ill never recover from and just being 20 years old thats a terrifying reality to swallow. To find relief from a toxic living environment, depression/trauma and curiosity ive experimented for about a year with various drugs.
on and off for: heroin (smoked off foil), etizolam, alcohol, 2fdck ( 2-fluorodeschloroketamine ), odsmt (a tramadol metabolite)

Consistently: dck ( deschloroketamine ) weed and kratom

For weed this was 3 joints per day unimterrupted for almost a full year until it got me anxious and i had to stop.

For dck this was about every two weeks, sometimes every 3 days for almost a year at unmeasured doses but im quite sure i was dosing between 30 and 60mg nasally (i quit 3 months ago)

And kratom i used 10g a day for a year. (I quit 2 months ago including all other substances)

Im now conistently anhedonic, i sleep lightly, i feel almost near to no emotions neither negative or positive, my imagination is much less spontane and rich, i have a light case of tinnitus that i woke up with after one of my last dck doses, my thoughts are more chaotic and i feel a strange slight pressure arround the top of my head. Please im thinking of suicide if this goes on i need some guarantee that ill recover i dont care if it takes 6 months or 18. Im so worried im stuck with permanent brain damage even worse that ill be an emotionless robot for the rest of my life.

Someone, please, give me a reason to believe that ill improve and that ill be able to be myself again, be it 75% or even 60%

This means my life to me.

 

[Nas47]

Hello, im new

Writing this i feel distressed. Im worried ive done permanent damage to my mind that ill never recover from and just being 20 years old thats a terrifying reality to swallow. To find relief from a toxic living environment, depression/trauma and curiosity ive experimented for about a year with various drugs.
on and off for: heroin (smoked off foil), etizolam, alcohol, 2fdck ( 2-fluorodeschloroketamine ), odsmt (a tramadol metabolite)

Consistently: dck ( deschloroketamine ) weed and kratom

For weed this was 3 joints per day unimterrupted for almost a full year until it got me anxious and i had to stop.

For dck this was about every two weeks, sometimes every 3 days for almost a year at unmeasured doses but im quite sure i was dosing between 30 and 60mg nasally (i quit 3 months ago)

And kratom i used 10g a day for a year. (I quit 2 months ago including all other substances)

Im now conistently anhedonic, i sleep lightly, i feel almost near to no emotions neither negative or positive, my imagination is much less spontane and rich, i have a light case of tinnitus that i woke up with after one of my last dck doses. Please im thinking of suicide if this goes on i need some guarantee that ill recover i dont care if it takes 6 months or 18. Im so worried im stuck with permanent brain damage even worse that ill be an emotionless robot for the rest of my life.

Someone, please, give me a reason to believe that ill improve and that ill be able to be myself again, be it 75% or even 60%

This means my life to me.

You are young and you will be improve for sure,but must take precautions quickly

 

[hangingbirches]

You are young and you will be improve for sure,but must take precautions quickly

What could I do, precautions to prevent relapse or further degeneration of my brain?

 

[Nas47]

Must go into remission.Quit any substance use and go checking your health status.If you need go to neurologist if you have some trouble with nervous system.And be calm

 

[PtahTek]

(I quit 2 months ago including all other substances)

So there is no use of any substance(s) for two months?
I have no doubt there will be a "leveling out" but this depends on what is being consumed. Those benzodiazepine analogues may be the issue. Not sure what doses and how often these were used but they do leave a bad taste in the mouth for a while after cessation.
Welcome to BL.
Stay strong and remain determined is all I can offer here. If ya stay "clean" look for the 100% recovery it may seem like it will never happen but it will.
At 55 this month I have experienced this plight many times and I still level out eventually when I need to... time to recovery will depend on the substance(s) used and how often, diet, physical exertion (exercise) and fluid(s) intake to throw a few top (IMO/E) factors in recovering.
Best wishes this mental dimness will pass.

 

[hangingbirches]

So there is no use of any substance(s) for two months?
I have no doubt there will be a "leveling out" but this depends on what is being consumed. Those benzodiazepine analogues may be the issue. Not sure what doses and how often these were used but they do leave a bad taste in the mouth for a while after cessation.
Welcome to BL.
Stay strong and remain determined is all I can offer here. If ya stay "clean" look for the 100% recovery it may seem like it will never happen but it will.
At 55 this month I have experienced this plight many times and I still level out eventually when I need to... time to recovery will depend on the substance(s) used and how often, diet, physical exertion (exercise) and fluid(s) intake to throw a few top (IMO/E) factors in recovering.
Best wishes this mental dimness will pass.

Thank you for your kindness, this emptiness is so worrying especially because ive come across a handful of people that feel like they lost themselves after dissociative use and they didnt get better even after years and thats incredibly distressing. How long did it take for you to feel like yourself again?

 

[SoCalShordie]

Hey welcome to Bluelight
Firstly, please hang on and have some faith, you’re young! You have so much time to turn things around. I’m 28 & was addicted to using IV heroin & Xanax. I’ve been on so many different drugs though & I was in an extremely dark place as I struggle with pretty severe depression/anxiety and I also thought I’d never fully recover, but it does happen no matter how unattainable it may seem. I’ve been through some major shit & I feel like if I can get clean anyone can. Definitely strive for that 100% recovery though, like the poster above me mentioned. It may take some time but things will fall into place & you will feel 100% again & it will all be so worth it.

 

[Damnn]

Dude it's not a drugs you used , it's was what you tried mask on drugs or other substances , you just need get thru that hell of you life heal ,grow up and move on . Is what I facing at moment being 28 years old. Because I been masked on alcohol , drugs and other bullshit by people . Of course you have treat your self to heal your mind , body and brains . Best wishes to get thru that , good luck and yeah you still young , you have many opportunities to heal and find your goals . And again was not the drugs here. Sorry if I been mean .

Incase if you gone be driven to mental hospital . Try avoid ETC or TMS as much as possible.

 

[Nas47]

You dont understand nothing.Been in mental hospitals not one time.And every shrink gives me only one diagnose-Opioid abuse.So am not insane.Its not the drugs,its not mental problem.Its a something much more frightening that if you have not experience,dont know nothing.Also I am 50 not young at all

 

[Damnn]

You dont understand nothing.Been in mental hospitals not one time.And every shrink gives me only one diagnose-Opioid abuse.So am not insane.Its not the drugs,its not mental problem.Its a something much more frightening that if you have not experience,dont know nothing.Also I am 50 not young at all

Yesterday saw the tv show about opioid use and withdrawl damn.. is insane. Sorry about you , feel you. Never used before don't wanna get a taste about that.

 

[Nas47]

Yesterday saw the tv show about opioid use and withdrawl damn.. is insane. Sorry about you , feel you. Never used before don't wanna get a taste about that.

Man even know this post was about me.Very sorry.Cannot think properly.God bless you man

 

[Damnn]

I'm sure it's not about you , it's about guy who has withdrawals

 

[December Flower]

Are there any symptoms you are associating with brain damage, or are you just afraid that there is some?

I'm sure several of your receptors have been rearranged, but I doubt you did some actual permanent damage in a year.

 

[hangingbirches]

Are there any symptoms you are associating with brain damage, or are you just afraid that there is some?

I'm sure several of your receptors have been rearranged, but I doubt you did some actual permanent damage in a year.

Mainly i associate my decreased intelligence, emotional numbness, increased forgetfullness, chaotic thoughts, minor tinnitus, and decrease in the spontaneity of my imagination with the drug abuse I did. I just realy hope ill recover, lately ive been more reassured the damage isnt there or will pass within a couple months but the insecurity is realy getting at me. Mainly because ive read stories of DXM abusers who feel similarly to me, please i need reassurance that ill be my old self again

 

[Ganjcat]

Hello, im new

Writing this i feel distressed. Im worried ive done permanent damage to my mind that ill never recover from and just being 20 years old thats a terrifying reality to swallow. To find relief from a toxic living environment, depression/trauma and curiosity ive experimented for about a year with various drugs.
on and off for: heroin (smoked off foil), etizolam, alcohol, 2fdck ( 2-fluorodeschloroketamine ), odsmt (a tramadol metabolite)

Consistently: dck ( deschloroketamine ) weed and kratom

For weed this was 3 joints per day unimterrupted for almost a full year until it got me anxious and i had to stop.

For dck this was about every two weeks, sometimes every 3 days for almost a year at unmeasured doses but im quite sure i was dosing between 30 and 60mg nasally (i quit 3 months ago)

And kratom i used 10g a day for a year. (I quit 2 months ago including all other substances)

Im now conistently anhedonic, i sleep lightly, i feel almost near to no emotions neither negative or positive, my imagination is much less spontane and rich, i have a light case of tinnitus that i woke up with after one of my last dck doses, my thoughts are more chaotic and i feel a strange slight pressure arround the top of my head. Please im thinking of suicide if this goes on i need some guarantee that ill recover i dont care if it takes 6 months or 18. Im so worried im stuck with permanent brain damage even worse that ill be an emotionless robot for the rest of my life.

Someone, please, give me a reason to believe that ill improve and that ill be able to be myself again, be it 75% or even 60%

This means my life to me.

Have you ever tried methadone

 

[December Flower]

Mainly i associate my decreased intelligence, emotional numbness, increased forgetfullness, chaotic thoughts, minor tinnitus, and decrease in the spontaneity of my imagination with the drug abuse I did. I just realy hope ill recover, lately ive been more reassured the damage isnt there or will pass within a couple months but the insecurity is realy getting at me. Mainly because ive read stories of DXM abusers who feel similarly to me, please i need reassurance that ill be my old self again

Don't worry. Just keep away from the stuff and your brain will regenerate.
You're 20, your body has amazing powers.
Eat some healthy stuff, drink lemon juice /w water, do some sports,
your body will be back to normal very fast

 

[Orange Orange Is Orange]

Thank you for your kindness, this emptiness is so worrying especially because ive come across a handful of people that feel like they lost themselves after dissociative use and they didnt get better even after years and thats incredibly distressing. How long did it take for you to feel like yourself again?

I think you will make a full recovery. It can take a while to get back to normal, especially from opiates and things that effect gaba in my experience. It took me about a year of crap sleep, anxiety, absolutely no motivation.
Also sounds a lot like theres some anxiety going on too, common when stopping alot of the things youve been taking. Anxiety isnt necessarily feeling anxious, i always misunderstood what anxiety was and didnt think it was that. Try taking L-theanine, should help with that. Id recommend not getting treated for anxiety though unless you ABSOLUTELY cannot manage without. Especially if you havent always had anxiety. Because then it is probably just a symptom of the abstinence. the treatment options for anxiety are usually pretty heavy handed and means resigning to a new dependance on an ssri or benzo or similar. Try to wait for a year and see how your feeing in that department.
But yea, Just dont get discouraged if it takes a year to get back to normal. Thats a year of abstinence though, cant understate that enough. Try to eat healthy, get some excersise, they also definitely help but can be hard to do at first.
Your drug use hasnt been extreme imo, and your young. Hang in there and you will be fine. Remind yourself of that every time your struggling

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I think you will make a full recovery. It can take a while to get back to normal, especially from opiates and things that effect gaba in my experience. It took me about a year of crap sleep, anxiety, absolutely no motivation.
Also sounds a lot like theres some anxiety going on too, common when stopping alot of the things youve been taking. Anxiety isnt necessarily feeling anxious, i always misunderstood what anxiety was and didnt think it was that. Try taking L-theanine, should help with that. Id recommend not getting treated for anxiety though unless you ABSOLUTELY cannot manage without. Especially if you havent always had anxiety. Because then it is probably just a symptom of the abstinence. the treatment options for anxiety are usually pretty heavy handed and means resigning to a new dependance on an ssri or benzo or similar. Try to wait for a year and see how your feeing in that department.
But yea, Just dont get discouraged if it takes a year to get back to normal. Thats a year of abstinence though, cant understate that enough. Try to eat healthy, get some excersise, they also definitely help but can be hard to do at first.
Your drug use hasnt been extreme imo, and your young. Hang in there and you will be fine. Remind yourself of that every time your struggling

Hey there triple Orange. Welcome to Bluelight.

 

[Robi]

welcome welcome!Im new to and folks have been helpful, even if there are hard truths, Ive felt at the end of my rope in my many many years, but babe youre gonna pull thru, and be wiser and maybe help someone, i know now this means shit right now, im going thru quitting opiods, , 5 or so months and gosh , i think of them all the time, just got xanax and from what im learning i best not use them, oranges words helped me so much, hang in there, things will get better and BLighters are here for you hanging birches

 

[0.o_LaCuNa_o.0]

What could I do, precautions to prevent relapse or further degeneration of my brain?

IMO, do some exercise. And ask yourself what are your reasons to live? Do you have loved ones or family? Do you have a significant other? Do you have a job?

Where are you exactly in life right now?