GirlInterrupted
Bluelighter
It was so promising in the beginning.
We were both just two lost souls.
I was a lost puppy that has been kicked too many times, just begging for someone to love me.
He was a junkie, that was looked down upon by others. He just wanted someone to accept him.
We would get high under the night sky and look up at the stars, forgetting all life's problems.
We would try to plan out our perfect future.
I would be his perfect house wife and he would create art for a living.
We even named our future kids, and planned to move to a nice small house in Northern California.
We were so hopeful and blind.
One day under the stars, I looked over at him and asked him if our plans would still work if we were to keep using. He didn't want to be a junkie forever, and neither did I.
That day we agreed to both start tapering down our use and find better things to do.
[[[I'm going to skip through my whole with drawl and getting clean process]]]
The point now is that I am finally clean from dope for almost 2 weeks.
But he is still using routinely, not making any improvements.
My counselors tell me to stop things with him because he will only lead me down the bad path again.
They explained to me that he only cared for me when dope was in the picture.
I always knew deep down that he would choose dope over me any day.
I always forgive him for all the promises that he has broken and all the mean things that he says when he's hurting. I understand that his addiction is stronger than he is.
I know that being with him will cause me to use again, but I can't just give up on him like that. If something were to happen to him I would feel incredibly guilty. I care for him a lot. I really don't know what to do in this situation.
I don't want to leave him behind to die, but i can't afford to wind up how I was again. There is no guarantee that I will make it out alive like I did this time.
Advice? Thanks
We were both just two lost souls.
I was a lost puppy that has been kicked too many times, just begging for someone to love me.
He was a junkie, that was looked down upon by others. He just wanted someone to accept him.
We would get high under the night sky and look up at the stars, forgetting all life's problems.
We would try to plan out our perfect future.
I would be his perfect house wife and he would create art for a living.
We even named our future kids, and planned to move to a nice small house in Northern California.
We were so hopeful and blind.
One day under the stars, I looked over at him and asked him if our plans would still work if we were to keep using. He didn't want to be a junkie forever, and neither did I.
That day we agreed to both start tapering down our use and find better things to do.
[[[I'm going to skip through my whole with drawl and getting clean process]]]
The point now is that I am finally clean from dope for almost 2 weeks.
But he is still using routinely, not making any improvements.
My counselors tell me to stop things with him because he will only lead me down the bad path again.
They explained to me that he only cared for me when dope was in the picture.
I always knew deep down that he would choose dope over me any day.
I always forgive him for all the promises that he has broken and all the mean things that he says when he's hurting. I understand that his addiction is stronger than he is.
I know that being with him will cause me to use again, but I can't just give up on him like that. If something were to happen to him I would feel incredibly guilty. I care for him a lot. I really don't know what to do in this situation.
I don't want to leave him behind to die, but i can't afford to wind up how I was again. There is no guarantee that I will make it out alive like I did this time.
Advice? Thanks
