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In love, and trapped by fear

JasperTheReckless

JasperTheReckless

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 1, 2011
Messages
339
I'm falling for someone, my best friend, and even though I've told them to some degree, I'm pretty sure they don't understand quite how strongly I feel for them. It's getting to the point where I'm thinking about them almost constantly, and I am getting to be over protective. I feel like there's a hole in me when I'm not around him, I feel empty and hollow, lonely. Seeing them with someone else, is like torture; They are happy at the moment, but I'm positive I feel more for them than anyone else. It's shredding me up inside, and each day I get more and more depressed, not caring about simple things like eating, drinking, socializing, it just hurts so much to not be with him. I tried to drink and drug it away, numb the feelings, but it only gets stronger. I feel like life isn't worth living without him, I just don't value anything else it seems. I got pretty messed up tonight, Drinking, xanax, Doxylamine, and all that jazz, hoping it's distract me, but it only make me miss him more. I feel like I;m falling, losing the one I love the most.; I talk to him, and it lifts my spirits, but when he tells me about him doing so and so with his bf, I feel hollow inside, it feels like I'm being torn apart, beaten up on the inside. I don't know how to cope anymore, I'm out of options. I can't numb it with drugs, and I can't handle the pain inside anymore. Love is an amazing feeling, but losing love is the most painful thing i've ever had to experience.

I'm a tad bit drunk typing this, but I have to get it out, it's eating me up inside. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it hurts so bad to love someone who doesn't know. Fuck, I'd take a bullet for him, he means more than anything in this world to me. I'll bring this to a close, I feel like i'm just crying through a post now.

I just don't know what to do.
 
You win some you lose some.
It sounds like this one you lose.
Some other time you'll get lucky and win.
Really, I mean it.
Everybody normal goes this pain a few times during their lives.
You will survive and you will experience it again.
Do not despair.
If you can, it would help you if you went to a different place where there's nothing to remind you of him.
XXXX
Love will come again
 
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