oldschool@it_again
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2024
- Messages
- 30
Ok.. I'm in hell. I can't figure out WTF is wrong or why I can't just rest, but it's likely 100% mental. The title is what I'm really curious about but I need to purge a bit. So bare with me. I've been an opioid users for about 30 years. Off and on.
I've had periods of sobriety that were short lived, and have used both methadone and suboxone with good results in the past. All this changed once fentanyl was introduced into the mix.
This shit is evil. It actually cuts through methodone like a knife and will not allow you to successfully induce. But heroin, will not!! Or that's where I am now. I was up to 95mg until this passed Thursday, when I stopped. I wanted to man .
I really did. I've got a great job as a software engineer I've had for years but the fucking dope got me.. again. It always gets me. I was doing so well.
Now I have a $500 a week fentanyl habit and 95mg of methadone that I just can't kick. I'm rambling, I know I am. I havent slept more than a few hours all week and this is despite copious amounts of fentanyl, heroin, and alcohol.
Nothing seems to put me out except the alcohol, but it only lasts about half an hour, and then the anxiety pummels me awake. Can't breath . Gotta get up and pace. So fucking tired. Let's bang out another shot of heroin. Been doing that for days since I stopped the methadone. It's good dope.
I've had the same 3 times now and before I went on methadone it brought back memories of the good 90s dope. No fentanyl. Clean. Vinegar.. #4. Dissolves easily. Like curling up with a warm fuzzy blanket. But now.. nothing for almost 3 days. I don't recall methadone blocking heroin this bad?. I mean I know it does, but it's Saturday afternoon. And I can bang out a shot that would kill a normal person.. nothing. I'm not sick. Not at all. But can't get any fucking rest!!!!!!! Fuck!!!
Ok.. so I tried to induce methadone for months now. But they only start you on fucking 25mg, and up 5mgs every 2 days.
Lmao.. who can do this when you've been using fentanyl for a while, and your tolerance is . Well its high as fuck. It's a street analog. Pressed 30mg roxies. You know what I mean. At first 1/6 in a rig would knock me out. Then by the time I went to the clinic I needed 3 to 5 a day to maintain. No use in eating them anymore but the oral high was a good up buzz. They really don't have a buzz in a needle. They knock you out, and you're not sick for 15 hours. That's it. But up until I realized how fucked I was I could rest, but then I think it went all mental.
This is the 2nd time I've been on these things. The 1st time I went to detox and tried to induce buprenorphine after 112 hours and was thrown into the most god awful pwd I have ever experienced.
It was 22 hours of hell. The attending physician had me on a cocktail of non opioids for the first 110 hours that kept me 100% out of pain. It was a miracle. I couldn't believe that I wasn't on dope and I could sleep in withdrawal, but I had to induce because it was time. It was not time. It's never time. I've learned this. Not after fentanyl.
You need weeks. Ok.. so I got through it. And then they started me on suboxone. It didn't work. It made me sick all over again but they kept giving it to me and every day it got a bit less. So I left detox, feeling like shit. On suboxone with a new gained hope that I'm doing the right thing and I was told give it time.
I gave it 3 weeks. I eventually stopped because I couldn't rest, went to my DN vendor and purchased some high quality H. My intent was to get off the. Bupe, and go to methadone. The H was some of... No it was the best I've ever had in my life. Holy shit. So maybe I waited too long. On the 3rd order, the vendor went all fucking looney toons on me and made me wait for a month before shipping the product.
So I went to fent In the mean time. After a few weeks is when I started to hate myself and tried the methadone. And that's the same treatment I have just quit. I finally got the H 2 days ago. And I cant feel it!! I know the methadone does block it but for how long? 3 days? 4?
I always thought 3. Last dose was Thursday at 6am. It's now Saturday 1:50pm. I'm just wasting this dope man.
But I NEED sleep omfg.... Alcohol. First it was yellowtail Chardonnay. 2 bottles a night. Now it's tequila. I get a buzz twilight sleep for about 15 minutes.
Wake. Smoke... Repeat. And a shot of dope every 3 hours. I've wasted so much, and this has me just freaked the fuck out. I know I'm heading back to detox, but I just want the dope to work so I can rest first. No sense going to detox when you have grams left laying around.
Ok, I'm sorry guys. I'm all over the place. I'm usually a lot more in control of my faculties, but I'm losing it. I haven't had more than an hours continuous sleep in over a week, I have access to all the opiates one could want, but I can't go out. I don't have fentanyl now. I literally got sold 35 pieces of chalk on friday. So... Just the heroin. I am positive that getting back on that shit (fentanyl) is why my mind is so fucked. And my plan was to use the H for 3 weeks and then Induce suboxone when it's all out my system. I have been on subs with great results in the past. But this vendor taking a month to ship has fucked that, cause now I can't get through the done and by the time I do, I'll be needing more. Fucking tried to make me feel guilty for being mad I had to wait a month on a shipment.. fucking idiot. So again... Does anyone think I'll be able to to feel this by Sunday? Fuck . I have to go to work Sunday, I took a point today cause I was in too bad oof shape to be there. I just need some rest. If I can rest, I can figure this out.
I've had periods of sobriety that were short lived, and have used both methadone and suboxone with good results in the past. All this changed once fentanyl was introduced into the mix.
This shit is evil. It actually cuts through methodone like a knife and will not allow you to successfully induce. But heroin, will not!! Or that's where I am now. I was up to 95mg until this passed Thursday, when I stopped. I wanted to man .
I really did. I've got a great job as a software engineer I've had for years but the fucking dope got me.. again. It always gets me. I was doing so well.
Now I have a $500 a week fentanyl habit and 95mg of methadone that I just can't kick. I'm rambling, I know I am. I havent slept more than a few hours all week and this is despite copious amounts of fentanyl, heroin, and alcohol.
Nothing seems to put me out except the alcohol, but it only lasts about half an hour, and then the anxiety pummels me awake. Can't breath . Gotta get up and pace. So fucking tired. Let's bang out another shot of heroin. Been doing that for days since I stopped the methadone. It's good dope.
I've had the same 3 times now and before I went on methadone it brought back memories of the good 90s dope. No fentanyl. Clean. Vinegar.. #4. Dissolves easily. Like curling up with a warm fuzzy blanket. But now.. nothing for almost 3 days. I don't recall methadone blocking heroin this bad?. I mean I know it does, but it's Saturday afternoon. And I can bang out a shot that would kill a normal person.. nothing. I'm not sick. Not at all. But can't get any fucking rest!!!!!!! Fuck!!!
Ok.. so I tried to induce methadone for months now. But they only start you on fucking 25mg, and up 5mgs every 2 days.
Lmao.. who can do this when you've been using fentanyl for a while, and your tolerance is . Well its high as fuck. It's a street analog. Pressed 30mg roxies. You know what I mean. At first 1/6 in a rig would knock me out. Then by the time I went to the clinic I needed 3 to 5 a day to maintain. No use in eating them anymore but the oral high was a good up buzz. They really don't have a buzz in a needle. They knock you out, and you're not sick for 15 hours. That's it. But up until I realized how fucked I was I could rest, but then I think it went all mental.
This is the 2nd time I've been on these things. The 1st time I went to detox and tried to induce buprenorphine after 112 hours and was thrown into the most god awful pwd I have ever experienced.
It was 22 hours of hell. The attending physician had me on a cocktail of non opioids for the first 110 hours that kept me 100% out of pain. It was a miracle. I couldn't believe that I wasn't on dope and I could sleep in withdrawal, but I had to induce because it was time. It was not time. It's never time. I've learned this. Not after fentanyl.
You need weeks. Ok.. so I got through it. And then they started me on suboxone. It didn't work. It made me sick all over again but they kept giving it to me and every day it got a bit less. So I left detox, feeling like shit. On suboxone with a new gained hope that I'm doing the right thing and I was told give it time.
I gave it 3 weeks. I eventually stopped because I couldn't rest, went to my DN vendor and purchased some high quality H. My intent was to get off the. Bupe, and go to methadone. The H was some of... No it was the best I've ever had in my life. Holy shit. So maybe I waited too long. On the 3rd order, the vendor went all fucking looney toons on me and made me wait for a month before shipping the product.
So I went to fent In the mean time. After a few weeks is when I started to hate myself and tried the methadone. And that's the same treatment I have just quit. I finally got the H 2 days ago. And I cant feel it!! I know the methadone does block it but for how long? 3 days? 4?
I always thought 3. Last dose was Thursday at 6am. It's now Saturday 1:50pm. I'm just wasting this dope man.
But I NEED sleep omfg.... Alcohol. First it was yellowtail Chardonnay. 2 bottles a night. Now it's tequila. I get a buzz twilight sleep for about 15 minutes.
Wake. Smoke... Repeat. And a shot of dope every 3 hours. I've wasted so much, and this has me just freaked the fuck out. I know I'm heading back to detox, but I just want the dope to work so I can rest first. No sense going to detox when you have grams left laying around.
Ok, I'm sorry guys. I'm all over the place. I'm usually a lot more in control of my faculties, but I'm losing it. I haven't had more than an hours continuous sleep in over a week, I have access to all the opiates one could want, but I can't go out. I don't have fentanyl now. I literally got sold 35 pieces of chalk on friday. So... Just the heroin. I am positive that getting back on that shit (fentanyl) is why my mind is so fucked. And my plan was to use the H for 3 weeks and then Induce suboxone when it's all out my system. I have been on subs with great results in the past. But this vendor taking a month to ship has fucked that, cause now I can't get through the done and by the time I do, I'll be needing more. Fucking tried to make me feel guilty for being mad I had to wait a month on a shipment.. fucking idiot. So again... Does anyone think I'll be able to to feel this by Sunday? Fuck . I have to go to work Sunday, I took a point today cause I was in too bad oof shape to be there. I just need some rest. If I can rest, I can figure this out.