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In a world of trouble...

V

Volcom

Guest
I never thought my life would turn out this way, sometimes something happens that changes you forever, it changes your DNA, who you are inside. I made a stupid mistake that ended in me killing someone.. I can't sleep, when I do I have nightmares. I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do.
 
I'm guessing this happened recently. As you're posting anon I don't want to ask any questions which are to specific, but can you tell me what you regard your options as being at this point?
 
Reply to initial thread...

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=533988

^ Original thread, thanks Mods...

Thanks for all the responses.. Yeah, I'm seriously stuck, I can't fucking think of what to do... I can't tell anyone because of the obvious ramifications, not even a counsellor they are duty bound to tell the cops...

It did happen recently but it feels like it happens every single day.. Over and over. I'm going insane, I really think I am. Nothing I do helps, no amount of thinking or analysing or abusing the fuck out of drugs, the anxiety and the deep hatred I feel and have for myself is overwhelming. I really have fucked everything up and I see no way out except suicide.

Logically, turning myself in and facing my punishment would be the morally and ethically sound thing to do, but certain circumstances make me really hesitant in doing that. I can't explain what they are, it would give my identity away.. I'm not strong enough to deal with this, I don't know what the fuck to do, but what I'm doing now isn't working, it's sending me into a deep, dark place that I don't want to be in but I feel like I deserve to be...

Fuck...

The illogical part of me says to run. Run forever. I don't know if I could keep it up, always looking over my shoulder or whatever, always being worried and not being secure or stable.. I don't even know if I can think logically in this state of mind, it's perhaps not even possible considering what I did. I must be a fucking monster, a maniac, a lunatic...

I'm just lost and in distress. I feel so detached and distant from everyone. I'll never forgive myself for what I did, I can't even live with myself...
 
This may be too hard to answer, and if it is you dont need to answer it, but if you can, could you explain what happened? I think it would help us to better help you if we had an idea, especially if it was something that was an accident.
 
Are you sure that counsellors in your area are bound to tell the police? I'm studying addiction counseling (how we spell it here) in the US and we CAN'T tell the cops. We can only break confidentiality if someone is GOING to hurt someone, not if they already have. I would likely lose my career and face fines if I did so.

I am not an expert but I fully believe in confidentiality and I'd like to help you any way I can, so if you'd like to talk feel free to PM me and we can certainly take it off site if you'd prefer, also my email is in my profile.
 
^That is interesting. i did not know that.
That would be an excellent idea OP.
Seek out a professional to help you.
I am not sure what you did but you sound like a guy I once knew.......
He told me during a night of lots of drugs, that he had been a part of killing 2 girls.
I went along with him, listened to his story, half blowing him off thinking he was thinking I might think he was cool for that-??
He is gone now.......
I wish I would have taken him seriously and suggested he speak with someone.
Whatever you have done, you can work through it. <3
Please find a counselor to help you out.
And if you can't, we can try to help with whatever information you can give us- but we are not professionals- so we may not be able to offer the same resources you would get from someone like that- but we can listen <3
 
^I was checking around a bit and it will vary by jurisdiction... some ALLOW counselors to break confidentiality to disclose crimes such as murder and some require it while others do not. I'm NEARLY positive we can not in Illinois but I don't feel like I can say with 100% certainty. It is something you should check though for your area.
 
If you're concerned about a counsellor breaking confidentiality (I think that the circumstances under which they can do so vary according to jurisdiction), then consider talking to a priest - they won't break the seal of the confessional and I've never known a priest yet who cares whether a person in distress is a believer or not.

I have a couple of friends who've been responsible for the deaths of others. While it has absolutely changed their lives they have eventually been able to move past it to a point where it no longer defines them.

I'd definitely take up Cane2the Left's offer.
 
Lolie said:
If you're concerned about a counsellor breaking confidentiality (I think that the circumstances under which they can do so vary according to jurisdiction), then consider talking to a priest - they won't break the seal of the confessional and I've never known a priest yet who cares whether a person in distress is a believer or not.

I have a couple of friends who've been responsible for the deaths of others. While it has absolutely changed their lives they have eventually been able to move past it to a point where it no longer defines them.

I'd definitely take up Cane2the Left's offer.
Click to expand...

This was my immediate thought, talk to a priest. I have known a few people in NA who would only do their 4th step with a person duty-bound in terms of confidentiality. That is not to say that the priest is not going to give you direction--how you should handle this situation. You sound like you are in a lot of pain, and for what it's worth, I hope you can find peace.
 
^excellent advice. A priest is a good suggestion if you don't feel like you can talk to anyone else. You don't have to live with this eating you up.
 
Cane2theLeft said:
^excellent advice. A priest is a good suggestion if you don't feel like you can talk to anyone else. You don't have to live with this eating you up.
Click to expand...

Kind of ironic advice given that I'm a militant atheist, but it's the one resource I can think of which is highly accessible and guaranteed to maintain confidentiality regardless of jurisdiction.
 
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