In a seemingly bad place... hard to get off klonopin and kratom, lonely, devoid...

[Chziime]

So, I've been on klonopin for the past few years, on and off, rarely more than 1mg/day, which I know is bad. I recently started a hard-quit off of it, going from 1mg/day to .75/day for 2 days... but today (the 2nd day) I felt a scathing anxiety. Something that I've thought was under control, at least by the theanine and phenibut I recently ordered that seems to help. By the way, I am currently on 1.5g phenibut, kanna, and 3mg klonopin, so sorry if my thoughts are "simple" and scattered. The anxiety was so unusual (though I believe it's due to eating before falling asleep last night... normally I do intermittent fasting and don't eat past 9. I also am starting an herbal detox program, and follow the primal/GAPS diet as closely as I can. I exercise regularly and have a great diet high in lipids), so unusual that I ordered 4oz of kratom to come OVERNIGHT, $20 shipping... as a freelance videographer, I both have money trouble, innate genius, and often the need to be under the influence of a low/medium dose of Kratom while on the job.

I also currently feel lonely, like all this has created such a dissociation within me... let alone the fact that I drove 800 miles recently to visit my ex-gf, took some kratom at times, and just needed the transient moments to keep my romanticism within me.

I feel like recently I have come to terms with my own reality (I am an artist and filmmaker working on my 2nd feature, something that can describe how I feel but still would achieve no catharsis). I have delved into nihilism the past year, have taken shrooms several times, gone on solitary adventures, and still feel an emptiness. Something that I have treated in the past with mindfulness and meditation. I can't relate to anyone and my only desires are to be alone and numb myself. I feel like I have gained so much knowledge the past few months, knowledge that include my non-desire to aspire for what's generally conceived as knowledge, knowing what I want to do... but I feel a tinsel of psychosis (kratom-oriented?) in which I know so much about the illusions of my own humanity that I cannot enjoy anything. Currently, the desire to be with others and the baseline anxiety has prevented me from achieving such nihilistic non-goals.

Does anyone relate to my hazy description, or offer any advice? Thank you guys..!

 

[Chziime]

I am also taking NMDA antagonists such as magnesium, zinc, and theanine... in the past I've even tried low-dose DXM. Would Sarcosine, something that looks interesting, act as an NMDA agonists, thus negating my plan, or is it more like a regulator?

 

[Alex000]

Make your Klonipin taper much slower. With benzos it is best to taper slowly to ease wd symptoms and complications.

 

[Missykins]

Way too many drugs. There is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem. People who think kratom is this benign substance are fooling themselves. Getting off of it is going to feel like quitting any other opioid. Who is prescribing the Klonopin or are you obtaining it illicitly? It's time to come clean with your treating physician (provided you have one ) with your goals to discontinue the Klonopin and your continuing anxiety. I do, however, believe that medications do have their place but not unregulated drugs that you are ordering over the internet. There is no way to guarantee their authenticity.

I'm not familiar with the diet you are following, but any diet that contains fresh foods and few preservatives can only be beneficial. A Vitamin B Complex supplement may be helpful with your mood. Mushrooms, nihilism, and solitary adventures will probably only contribute to your feeling of isolation. Does the mindfulness and meditation help? Have you considered finding a therapist? There's also nothing wrong with good old 12 Step fellowship meetings when it comes to getting off drugs and addressing larger issues.