Mental Health In a bad situation.....

[Improvised]

Hello everyone,

I was referred here by a friend. Right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. To give you some background of what I'm going through....

I'm a spiritual person who is very serious about his beliefs. I am labeled as schizoaffective since my last hospital visit and for 10 years, I was labeled as by polar. Now, whenever i start to get what the pact team calls "religious" red flags go up everywhere for them. I don't do anything to harm anyone, I pray for people in public on the streets, asking them if I can of course, and i get very deeply into the word of God.

My problem is this, when I'm drinking and smoking, they, the pact team, don't care, nor put any effort into helping me recover. When i am doing well, and following my God as I understand Him, I get locked away in a AP level (psych ward) and put on heavy anti psychotics, this in term breaks my connection with God as i understand Him, and I begin to become zombified, as it has already started. As for explaining my connection with God, those of you who do not believe, this would be my motivation, higher understanding, and consciousness.

I am currently on 10 mg of abilify by mouth daily, and a 30 mg shot. I am also taking 600mg of seraquil and the team tells me it's not a high dosage. As of late, I have been getting headaches and paranoia sets in after an hour, and I have been forced from my new medications to sleep 11 hours a day, unlike my normal 3-5 with an evening nap. I also was not tapered off of zoloft I was taking for a month, so that may be contributing.

I've looked up some meds that i think will be better suited for me... tegretal and lamactal sound like a good combination. I'm just not sure what to do, I can feel myself becoming less of myself everyday and I don't like it.

Please help.

 

[Moreaux]

I'm moving this to the Mental Health forum as I feel you're move likely to get feedback here. Can you try to discuss their reasoning with your team? I've found that sometimes health professionals reasoning doesn't always make obvious sense, and discussion can help tremendously. I would also raise your concerns to them as it sounds like you your needs may not being met. I'm sorry you're feeling this way - good luck!

 

[MrRoot]

Idk if I should post this as I respect others religious beliefs but anyhow I have to add my two cents about being in a psychosis. I have had three drug induced psychotic episodes before.

Anyhow everytime I have had the episodes I have felt like that my brains work in the best way and there is nothing wrong in me and that those drugs just hamper my thoughts and I should stop using them.

During one episode I thought that if I had access to a lab and plenty of pharmaceuticals I would definately find out a new breakthrough of treating addiction. I send out few job appliances and did my CV and forged letters of recommendations and set up few phone numbers similar to real pharmaceutical companies to be able to answer them if someone tried to verify those recommendations and read a hell of lot stuff about pharmacology. Within a week I was working as a lab worker in a pharma company and no one noticed that I had zero experience or education in what I was doing.

Luckily after few days I slipped out in a therapy session that I got a new job and was about to do a new innovation and then I was hospitalized which I was against because they were ruining a one time change for a mankind. I guess they had heard that one before.

Would there be any ways to still be religious without it going so out of boundaries that medical staff consider it as abnormal?

There shouldn't be any harm if someone wants to pray in the streets for others and things like that. I consider that as a part of more serious religious activities which I wouldn't as an atheist do myself but I can see why someone who believes into god would do. Nothing wrong doing this.

Are there any change that during psychotic episodes your reasoning may be too much relying to a higher force and it hampers your decision making? It is really hard to distinguish bad decisions during psychotic episodes as your thought patterns just won't work as they should and therefore doctors give anti-psychotics to us even as we might not want them.

 

[w0w0mg]

Sometimes when you're having one of those episodes you don't realize the severity of it, you may think you're doing nothing wrong but society sees you as harassing or even threatening.
Now, this may not be the case but the doctors usually know what's best for people - If you truly think that they're wrong and you're being over medicated then maybe you should try a different team of them and see what they say. They might offer you a different approach that you may like a lot better. I wish you luck my friend!

 

[Improvised]

First off I've never had a psychotic breakdown and and none are documented on me, just manic episodes where I.. talk too quickly. I still talk extremely fast on these meds and they have to come to the understanding that I am geared that way.

As in getting a new team, I can't, they are attached to my housing... A little about the team and myself. I've been with them for 10 years, over the past 5 key players who went above and beyond their job responsibilities have left. Now I feel as if it's a team without a true passion to work for mental health and it seems as if they are treating this like a job. I feel this way because they have a morning meeting everyday, my concerns are never brought up. I don't witness these meetings, I know they aren't bringing up, because days or even a week or 2 later, if i express my concern to a different team member, they are completely oblivious to my concern that i told to another team member. I am getting lack of care and attention for serious issues...

To explain how i go about prayer, and so you know I'm not going about it wrong, I normally pray in 2's with a friend.

This is how i go about it.

me: hi how are you?

[they reply]

me: what is a need in your life?

[normally they are confused]

me: what do you need prayer for?

[normally they tell me]

me: i was wondering, could we bow our heads here and pray? if not i can just pray for you as a walk away.

[half the time they say yes]

I then pray for them and Minister to them, as I am a new ordained Minister going on 2 months.

if anyone could think of some way I could be helped, please dig deep.

Also in the hospital I was recently stripped from the meds I was taking for a little over a month that did not effect me in this way, and I wasn't tapered off them. I am experiencing more than half of the side effects. I have expressed this to the team and they said there's nothing they can do about it...

 

[ZombieMode]

This sounds very similar to what I'm going through.
I don't buy into psychiatry's lies, I feel my experiences were of a spiritual nature also.

I was wrongly labelled as a schizo last year for hearing "voices". I asked them who they were, they responded with "guardian archangel Michael", and were always of a positive & loving nature. They have since left me since being forced to take abilify injections.

You might like the book "anatomy of an epidemic".

The medicine is actually poison, I feel. I have witnessed first hand the damage it does to a person in such a short time (only took a month or so before I started losing my spiritual connections and emotions, etc).

My advise to you would be to stay strong, don't tell them about your personal beliefs or feelings, as there is hardly any difference, if at all, between what they call "psychosis" and what we call "spirituality".

Try to focus on what they want to hear - work, social interactions, etc. As soon as I told them I cant communicate properly and therefore cannot return to work, they lowered my dose of the poison with the view to take me off.

Good luck
-ZM

 

[paranoid android]

While i do have to say i worry about anyone that says they talk to God or are in direct contact with God (would anyone not doubt my sanity if i say said i talked to Lugh a Deity in Irish mythology?) i will leave my own religious beliefs or lack there of out of it.

In my opinion putting someone on 2 different oral anti-psychotics along with a long acting injection is fucking insane. They should find a anti-psychotic that works for you and taper you up to the dose you need. I suffer from Bipolar disorder and use Lamictal as my mood stabilizer and also 300-400mg's of Seroquel and 300mg's of Wellbutrin if the Lamotrigine alone is not controlling my symptoms. The only time i have ever been given 2 anti-psychotics is when i have needed a fast acting or emergency anti-psychotic such as Zyprexa because the Seroquel is not doing the job. But that is only needed when i am flipping out Manic.

If u do have Bipolar disorder they should try you on a mood stabilizer such as Lamotrigine or Lithium with a anti-psychotic until the mood stabilizer starts working then see if you can do without the anti-psychotic. Many people with Bipolar do well on mood stabilizers alone (the only 2 true mood stabilizers that help both Mania and depression are Lamotrigine and Lithium) but doctors these days often use atypical anti-psychotics as the first line treatment even though mood stabilizers are supposed to be despite the fact that most of them have worse side effects then mood stabilizers then most people. I would definitely bring this up with your doctor.

 

[Improvised]

Thank you all for all the input. I'm going to keep you updated of what happens after i talk with my doctor... if that day ever comes... =/

I was looking into tegretal and lamactal, since they have a certain form of lamactle that goes with tegretal.

 

[manboychef]

I also have to agree with the fact you may be overreaching a little with the ministering people on the street. It is one thing if someone comes to you to pray over them, but to stop people and ask to pray is a little out there.

IME: I have OCD and panic disorder. It has taken me years of learning about myself to understand when I am having tics. I have lots of irrational fears that I believe are real. You may be in this same boat...you think what is happening is completely normal, but in all honesty and fairness the people around you think differently. My family used to not say anything when I was having "OCD moments", but I have asked them to describe them to me as they are happening so that I can reflect on my thoughts and feelings and take a stab at changing them.

Just recently my girlfriend's ex was acting crazy and trying to break us up by making me think she was still seeing him. It turned out not to be true, but I just couldn't turn my brain off and disregard his actions. This led to me obsessing over the fact that I may be breaking up a relationship, and hurting this man. I needed proof. I would stop at nothing to know that this was not true, or if it was true so that I can break things off. It took my family telling me that this was not normal behavior in order for me recognize that I was having an "OCD moment" and that I needed to apologize to my girlfriend.

I guess you should really talk to your doctors and express what you need.

 

[Man in the Dark]

First off I've never had a psychotic breakdown and and none are documented on me, just manic episodes where I.. talk too quickly. I still talk extremely fast on these meds and they have to come to the understanding that I am geared that way.

As in getting a new team, I can't, they are attached to my housing... A little about the team and myself. I've been with them for 10 years, over the past 5 key players who went above and beyond their job responsibilities have left. Now I feel as if it's a team without a true passion to work for mental health and it seems as if they are treating this like a job. I feel this way because they have a morning meeting everyday, my concerns are never brought up. I don't witness these meetings, I know they aren't bringing up, because days or even a week or 2 later, if i express my concern to a different team member, they are completely oblivious to my concern that i told to another team member. I am getting lack of care and attention for serious issues...

To explain how i go about prayer, and so you know I'm not going about it wrong, I normally pray in 2's with a friend.

This is how i go about it.

me: hi how are you?

[they reply]

me: what is a need in your life?

[normally they are confused]

me: what do you need prayer for?

[normally they tell me]

me: i was wondering, could we bow our heads here and pray? if not i can just pray for you as a walk away.

[half the time they say yes]

I then pray for them and Minister to them, as I am a new ordained Minister going on 2 months.

if anyone could think of some way I could be helped, please dig deep.

Also in the hospital I was recently stripped from the meds I was taking for a little over a month that did not effect me in this way, and I wasn't tapered off them. I am experiencing more than half of the side effects. I have expressed this to the team and they said there's nothing they can do about it...

You are doing the right thing. Stay strong in what you believe in. We all have to respect each other's beliefs. I hope this board can sympathize with you and not judge you. You are trying to help people and not push your beliefs on people. When you say pact team is that your mental health providers? You know if u feel you lose touch with God when you take AP it is no diffrent from when a person who is in touch with the universe and nature will be disconnected by these drugs. You are out trying to do good for people and I commend you for that, we are all connected no matter what we believe. If it's all for a greater good it can't be wrong.

 

[Man in the Dark]

I also have to agree with the fact you may be overreaching a little with the ministering people on the street. It is one thing if someone comes to you to pray over them, but to stop people and ask to pray is a little out there.

IME: I have OCD and panic disorder. It has taken me years of learning about myself to understand when I am having tics. I have lots of irrational fears that I believe are real. You may be in this same boat...you think what is happening is completely normal, but in all honesty and fairness the people around you think differently. My family used to not say anything when I was having "OCD moments", but I have asked them to describe them to me as they are happening so that I can reflect on my thoughts and feelings and take a stab at changing them.

Just recently my girlfriend's ex was acting crazy and trying to break us up by making me think she was still seeing him. It turned out not to be true, but I just couldn't turn my brain off and disregard his actions. This led to me obsessing over the fact that I may be breaking up a relationship, and hurting this man. I needed proof. I would stop at nothing to know that this was not true, or if it was true so that I can break things off. It took my family telling me that this was not normal behavior in order for me recognize that I was having an "OCD moment" and that I needed to apologize to my girlfriend.

I guess you should really talk to your doctors and express what you need.

Hello Chef,

Let me start by saying I have a lot of respect for you and I know you have had a long tough road as I witnessed here on BL. Why do you say it is a little out there to talk to people on the street and ask them if they need prayer. Whether you believe in God or not I don't think he means any harm and is just trying to help. I can see if he was a type of person who was yelling at people and telling them they are going to hell. That's a different story. I say this because today as I met a lady who was working as a valet who is 57 years old has seven children one who is 27 and is severely schizophrenic and I talked to her and she told me her very sasd story how she has to take care of all of her children by herself as the father split.

I tried my best to be positive and talk with her as she started crying and some very nice lady approached her and asked to pray for her and she accepted and it was a very positive experience for all of us as we all felt connected as people regardless of our beliefs no matter what they are. Isn't that what it's all about.

I understand where your coming from as we suffer from some of the same mental issues especially the OCD. I also suffer from MDD, GaD, psychosis as a result of severe PTSD. I am open to all beliefs and religions. Unfortunately there are many people out there that give their religion/beliefs a bad name but I feel the OP is just trying to help and if it makes him feel better and helps someone in the mean time I say good for him.