I'm worried my daughter is doing heroin

[Cornucopia]

First of all make sure she gets a proper medical taper I can't stress that enough. If you make her go through unmedicated withdrawal lifes gonna get ugly. Also she sounds depressed possiby suicidal. I started shooting heroine at her age because I wanted to die and hey if I can feel great and die at the same time then hell yeah. 5 months is not a long habit at all so I wouldon't recommend impatient rehab just a quick trip to a 5 day detox. Then she needs a full physiological evaluation. I would venture to guses there's been trauma in her life? I was sexual abused and until I started unraveling that disgusting stuff I didn't want to quit heroin. Your goal as a loved one is to create an environment where she feels loved and supported not punished and untrusted. Forget that shot about the police and never mention it again please they don't care about her.

Thanks for this, I understand. I am booking her in for treatment first thing in the morning. She's lucky that it is the easter holidays so she has a break from college for the moment, as I would really hate for her to mess up her course or get kicked out. As for her condition, she has not improved, and has taken some more pain medication as she is feeling ill, but I think we have convinced her that this is what she needs to do, if she wants to get better. I really hope this works...
I am also encouraging her to get some kind of therapy to help deal with the depression, but she says she won't talk to anyone. She hasn't had any major trauma in her life - I think this depression is just due to her feeling lonely, and isolated. That's what she told us, anyway. I don't know how to help with that side of things, except to suggest she socialize more.
And everyone, thanks for the info. I am using this to the best of my abilities.
Will let you know how it goes.

 

[neversickanymore]

just a heads up.. i would put this as your number one priority. if she doesn't figure this out she likely won't figure much out.

 

[starting_over]

I wonder if it's a good idea for her to take some time off school once she has completed this semester.

Depression and a lack of life direction ruined my grades and I ended up dropping out at 19. Going to uni right out of high school is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Instead, I got a bunch of various jobs and developed new hobbies (including drugs), but it gave me a better understanding of what I would / would not like to do in the future. Eventually I re-enrolled at a different college 3-4 years later with the $ saved up from work and graduated debt-free.

Possibly something to consider, best of luck.

 

[cj]

I wonder if it's a good idea for her to take some time off school once she has completed this semester.

Depression and a lack of life direction ruined my grades and I ended up dropping out at 19. Going to uni right out of high school is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Instead, I got a bunch of various jobs and developed new hobbies (including drugs), but it gave me a better understanding of what I would / would not like to do in the future. Eventually I re-enrolled at a different college 3-4 years later with the $ saved up from work and graduated debt-free.

Possibly something to consider, best of luck.

Good point. College is not a good place to be depressed. Your told that this is the best time of your life. If your miserable then we'll things arent looking so good.

Do you think her resistance to therapy is because you suggested it? When I was 19 I hated my parents and would do the opposite they wanted just to do the opposite. It sounds like there is a rift in your relationship somewhere? I think the best thing for you to do is ask her what she thinks she wants to do. Really listen and read between the lines. Unfortunately the relapse rates for heroine are really high and frankly I doubt she is done with it. That's why I don't suggest rehab you go in with a small interest in heroine and come out with a PhD in self destruction. That's my story anyway.

If she strait relapses after detox it's time to try suboxone. It sounds like money isn't a huge problem. Can you send her on a trip? It sounds like she wants to travel. I so wish my parents had spent there money sending me to Europe instead of rehab. Rehab can be very damaging for adolescants and at 19 she still is one.

My main point is you can't stop her from using pain killers but you can help her build the self worth to stop on her own.

 

[Cornucopia]

Good point. College is not a good place to be depressed. Your told that this is the best time of your life. If your miserable then we'll things arent looking so good.

Do you think her resistance to therapy is because you suggested it? When I was 19 I hated my parents and would do the opposite they wanted just to do the opposite. It sounds like there is a rift in your relationship somewhere? I think the best thing for you to do is ask her what she thinks she wants to do. Really listen and read between the lines. Unfortunately the relapse rates for heroine are really high and frankly I doubt she is done with it. That's why I don't suggest rehab you go in with a small interest in heroine and come out with a PhD in self destruction. That's my story anyway.

If she strait relapses after detox it's time to try suboxone. It sounds like money isn't a huge problem. Can you send her on a trip? It sounds like she wants to travel. I so wish my parents had spent there money sending me to Europe instead of rehab. Rehab can be very damaging for adolescants and at 19 she still is one.

My main point is you can't stop her from using pain killers but you can help her build the self worth to stop on her own.

She has been suggested therapy in those meetings and by the college as well. I think she just doesn't want to talk to anyone about her problems. I know there is a good possibility of relapse with heroin; I just hope and pray she comes out clean... I am hoping that if we get her booked in for therapy as well, whether she likes it or not, then that will at least help to sort out some of those issues and get her life together. And yes, I think one of the problems is that she doesn't enjoy college. She has told us many times she just wants to stay at home, doesn't want to socialize or do work etc. It sounds lazy but I know she's depressed and struggling at college because of that, so maybe taking a break from it wouldn't be such a bad idea. She was home-schooled in her secondary school years so maybe that is part of her reluctance to socialize?
Well, she may have spent all of her money that she saved up on heroin. However, I know her dad still has her inheritance money from her nan - about £1350, and I know her dad still has it safe. Thing is, she always was interested in Japan, anime and all that, and she was saving up to go to Japan. It was her dream, she said. Now, I don't want her to give up on that dream, and throw her opportunities away like that. Needs to get her life sorted.
I have already booked her in for a treatment, so hopefully, with luck, she'll be "back to normal" in a week or so, is what they said. Question: As we are in the UK, are the laws regarding medication different, opposed to the US? I've heard that methadone can trigger relapses? I just want her to have the best chance of coming off drugs, not to get addicted to another one. I'll also be vetting her friends better in future! Still can't believe this happened, as she was the last person I would expect to get involved in something like this.

 

[Sixxam]

I think you need to focus on one day at time. Even if she really wanted to quit, she will still struggle for months. The fact that she doesn't actually want to quit is going to make this difficult. And she will not feel better after a week. She won't even feel better after a month. Shit, I'm over three months clean and I struggle daily. And I want to be clean. Opiote recovery is some of the toughest stuff there is. Period!

You guys are in my thoughts.

 

[herbavore]

I have already booked her in for a treatment, so hopefully, with luck, she'll be "back to normal" in a week or so, is what they said. Question: As we are in the UK, are the laws regarding medication different, opposed to the US? I've heard that methadone can trigger relapses? I just want her to have the best chance of coming off drugs, not to get addicted to another one. I'll also be vetting her friends better in future! Still can't believe this happened, as she was the last person I would expect to get involved in something like this.

If by "back to normal" the clinic means through the worst of the physical withdrawals, OK, but for heaven's sakes how can a seriously depressed, isolating and scared young woman come out of one week of treatment cured of anything beyond the physical symptoms of withdrawal?

I understand the tendency to want your daughter to be able to simply slip this skin and walk away so to speak; but drug abuse and addiction never happens in a vacuum and at 19 she is long past the age when her parents have any say at all in who she associates with. There is something serious troubling your daughter that she is turning against herself (isolation, not wanting to reveal her pain to anyone outside, etc). She needs to know that you, her parents, can truly listen without judgment. I realize how hard this is having been through it myself. Of course we are judging! We are judging the situation as urgent and the drug use as detrimental to our child's well-being--and we are not wrong in those judgments. But for the child, even these judgments are translated into more fuel for feeling bad about his or herself at a time when they have absolutely no defenses inside. One of the books I wish I had read during my son's addiction was Gabor Maté's treatise on addiction called In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts in which he points out that self-medicating is often driven by very rational attempts to to treat the pain of a very ill psyche. One need not have suffered the emotional trauma of childhood abuse that many of the people he interviews had experienced; sometimes a very sensitive nature experiences even normal human life as overwhelming trauma. So recognizing that her choices were understandable may go a long way in making you a trustworthy person for your daughter to confide in during this time when it will take an almost super-human effort to reestablish a healthy relationship with herself.

Try your hardest to look beneath the drug use. Yes, it is a problem, hopefully one she can overcome for good at this young age; but what led her to be vulnerable to this kind of "solution" for her pain is much, much more complex that getting off a drug.

This is really an opportunity for your family to grow--in deeper understanding, in emotional strength, in the full capacity of love which always demands a certain degree of acceptance that the emotional lives of those we love, even our children, are their own to navigate. I know that the helplessness that you feel as a parent makes it so tempting to believe that the drug use is the problem. I see it as a symptom of the problem(s) and the first step in addressing it must be facing the sources and dynamics that contribute to the psychological pain that feeds it.

One of the moderators of Sober Living suggested that many people in that forum could offer you valuable insight as they themselves are experienced in the struggle against drug abuse in their own lives so I am moving this thread into that forum. If for any reason, you feel it should be moved back, please just say so. It's your thread and we want you to get the best support you can. I feel that hearing from people in your daughter's shoes right now could be very helpful--especially those that live in the UK and are more familiar with your medical and mental health systems.

Please hang in there and stay positive. Some of the strongest, most wonderful people I know are those that have not only been hurt by addiction but have benefited from the profound process of self-discovery in order to manage or overcome it.

 

[Felonious Monk]

^Please listen to herbavore and other members who have been in your position before. This is not something you can "stiff upper lip" or guide your daughter away from without her consent. She is going to need much longer than a week to get over this. She needs to be in therapy long-term (be thinking 12 months minimum), even if she's resistant to it at this point.

 

[cj]

First off welcome to sober living. I think your going to get some good advice from people who have been through this struggle and helped there loved ones through it.

Where is your family at now? Looking for detoxs? Hospitals can be good don't make a snap decision though. Also don't make snap decisions. I'll let some others chime in.

 

[Erikmen]

^Please listen to herbavore and other members who have been in your position before. This is not something you can "stiff upper lip" or guide your daughter away from without her consent. She is going to need much longer than a week to get over this. She needs to be in therapy long-term (be thinking 12 months minimum), even if she's resistant to it at this point.

Exactly. Couldn't be more precise.

 

[LandsUnknown]

Most of what you said here doesn't necessarily sounds like signs of a heroin addiction. It sounds like she is very depressed, and may have a substance issue of some kind. However, the substance issue could be as simple as heavy drinking. The thing with the spoons is concerning though in terms of what you're saying. However, spoons can be used to heat up other types of drugs than heroin (not that the other things are any less harmful). From what you said, there may not be any substance issue at all, it may be simply that she is depressed. Even if she does have a problem with heroin, other drugs, or alcohol, she clearly is depressed about something. It's a good thing that you're reaching out to her, because it sounds like she really needs someone right now.

 

[starting_over]

She has been suggested therapy in those meetings and by the college as well. I think she just doesn't want to talk to anyone about her problems. I know there is a good possibility of relapse with heroin; I just hope and pray she comes out clean... I am hoping that if we get her booked in for therapy as well, whether she likes it or not, then that will at least help to sort out some of those issues and get her life together. And yes, I think one of the problems is that she doesn't enjoy college. She has told us many times she just wants to stay at home, doesn't want to socialize or do work etc. It sounds lazy but I know she's depressed and struggling at college because of that, so maybe taking a break from it wouldn't be such a bad idea. She was home-schooled in her secondary school years so maybe that is part of her reluctance to socialize?
Well, she may have spent all of her money that she saved up on heroin. However, I know her dad still has her inheritance money from her nan - about £1350, and I know her dad still has it safe. Thing is, she always was interested in Japan, anime and all that, and she was saving up to go to Japan. It was her dream, she said. Now, I don't want her to give up on that dream, and throw her opportunities away like that. Needs to get her life sorted.
I have already booked her in for a treatment, so hopefully, with luck, she'll be "back to normal" in a week or so, is what they said. Question: As we are in the UK, are the laws regarding medication different, opposed to the US? I've heard that methadone can trigger relapses? I just want her to have the best chance of coming off drugs, not to get addicted to another one. I'll also be vetting her friends better in future! Still can't believe this happened, as she was the last person I would expect to get involved in something like this.

I would guess that home schooling led to a degree of social isolation, I've had coworkers who shared that sentiment... they didn't quite feel that they "fit in"

I have 0 experience with rehab but from reading many posts on this forum, and knowing people irl who have gone... the chance of "success" (complete abstinence) is very low. Back to normal in 1 week? Impossible after experiencing the warmth of opiates... heck, it's impossible after years for me. I've accepted that cravings are going to be a lifelong thing.

cj has a good point, your $ is likely better off booking her a trip to Japan. Besides, drugs are almost impossible to get there, but booze and cigs can be found in vending machines. FYI drinking age is 20 in Japan. Maybe the trip will spark her creative art side? Hostels are so much fun -- full of vibrant, youthful energy. It's so easy to make friends there!

 

[psy997]

Herbavore's post should be read three times over. Perfect.

This is in no way a get over it in a week issue.

 

[Cornucopia]

I know it will be very hard for her, and the chance of relapse will be high... But I have made a start and booked her in at least. It is a drug treatment facility, so hopefully they'll give her medication to help with the withdrawal, so at least she will come out of that, but I know that right after she has been treated she will probably try to go back to the opiates. I have got to do my best to stop her in doing so. She doesn't have a car so at least I know she's not going to go driving off anywhere. I'm so glad that it had only been 5 months, as I caught out the addiction quite early on, when she was finding it hard to hide it. I dread to think what could happen if she had hidden it for much longer - if she had overdosed I would have failed as a parent...
We can talk about that when she has recovered a little, if she is ready for travelling, especially on her own. However, a trip to Japan might just wake her back up? She's always been a fan of Japanese art/animation, and loved drawing it. I much preferred that hobby over the dope to be honest.
And Herbavore, you are right... I know she is reluctant to talk about her depression. I should have been there for her even before we got to this point... From now on, I'm not going to let her face these problems alone. I was just worried about her, and shocked more than anything. But, perhaps you have made me understand a little more about why she has been using opiates... I only wish I had been there for her before now. Thank you for your concern, I will bear it in mind.
Will report back to keep you updated

 

[neversickanymore]

Hang in there sending love to everyone trying to deal with this

 

[cj]

Your a long way from needing to search out methadone clinics honestly. But I'll enlighten anyway methadone is an opiate. The philosophy behind it is basically it's better to have a cheap pure steady dose of opiates so she's not out running the streets risking arrest HIV ect. It's an oral solution that takes away cravings by saturation it also prevents relapse in the same way. The H doesn't work because the methadone is occupying those receptors already and has built up a large tolerance. It's a long term commitment though as coming off it properly requires a long taper. On the other hand it is the most statistically effective treatment with most studies showing one year abstinence rates in the 60 percent range. For comparison an abstinence based rehab has about a 5 percent chance of getting her 1 year sobriety.

The detox will push for further treatment. If you do that the rehab will push for a halfway house. Then they will want her to go to NA meetings everyday and remain sOber forever. Odds are she's gonna fight the hell out of that at 19 and I don't blame her I did the same thing at 19.

Sorry I keep thinking of new stuff. I was in her almost exact shoes at 19. Short addiction freaked out family then rehab. All that happened in rehab is I learned how to be a smarter better junky. I met loads of new connections learned who sold needles how to shopt up easier ect. That's why I think a trip abroad would be a way better idea then a trip to rehab.

You also need to educate yourself on the 12 steps NA and AA. Then read the essential links whicH are stickied at the top of the sober living thread list. I know it sounds like a lot but if she was diagnosed with cancer wouldn't you want all the knowlegear you can get? In a way this requires more reading then a normal disease as there are more pitfalls for well meaning family to fall in. I'll sticky some links I think are important into this thread as well.

This is a good start for your reading.
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/811238-SL-Directory-(lots-of-amazing-info-inside)

Pay special attention to the rat park experiment. It also will help define the different levels of care and philosophy behind each aproach to addiction recovery. If she's at a rehab that's what there going to be teaching.

Also don't forget to take care of yourself and the rest of your family. She will need a healthy non stressed out home to return too. You might think about some therapy for yourself or the whole family even.

 

[herbavore]

I only wish I had been there for her before now.

Don't beat yourself up. You have been there all along I'm sure. Homeschooling a child is a big commitment and takes a lot of dedication. We are human beings and none of us have a clue what is really going on with even those closest to us. We can wonder, theorize, form opinions, take stabs in the dark, magically occasionally hitting the mark, but in the end, we are mostly mysteries to each other. A mother knows her child like no one else on a certain level. My son has been gone for almost 6 years. I still feel like I know every freckle, the particular shape of his thumbnails, the way his left foot was bigger than his right, which dimple was deeper, the exact shade of his green eyes. I even knew his fears and what made him laugh, the nuances of his humor and his aesthetics and his intellect. But what did I really know about this son that was so much like me as a child? What did I know of his deepest self? So much of parenting is simply experiencing the full body of love--all the joy and all the terror, all the peace and all the uncertainty and even the deep despair that only happens in the deepest love. Nurturing your daughter will be easier when you are nurturing yourself as well. This is scary. It is sad. It's OK to feel how terrible these emotions are but beware of blaming yourself. If there are regrets you feel give them voice but do not translate them into guilt. You are a good mother. You care and you are doing everything you can to make sure that you are present and available. And beyond that your daughter knows that she is loved. That is something that not every child gets.

 

[DoctorMolecule]

Well, there have been instances where she was acting strange. A few nights ago she was falling asleep while standing and brushing her teeth and had left the tap on. She seemed almost unaware when I came in to do my teeth... And she was still standing! I k ow that's not the only time something like that has happened as there has been more than one occasion, she was acting really slow and like she was in "another world." I have noticed her scratching a lot, but then it's no surprise because she just doesn't look after herself. As far as track marks, I haven't noticed, as she rarely wears short sleeves so I never get a look to be honest. And as for her eyes, I haven't noticed anything.
I haven't found anything like needles in her room either, (I haven't searched around to be honest as it is a pig sty in there), but I think that if she is, indeed doing drugs, she would have hidden them rather well...
Yes she has suffered from depression and anxiety in the past, maybe a year or two ago, and then she gradually got better. But now she's started going downhill again. I want to talk to her without sounding nosy.
Thanks for your advice.

She has been suggested therapy in those meetings and by the college as well. I think she just doesn't want to talk to anyone about her problems. I know there is a good possibility of relapse with heroin; I just hope and pray she comes out clean... I am hoping that if we get her booked in for therapy as well, whether she likes it or not, then that will at least help to sort out some of those issues and get her life together. And yes, I think one of the problems is that she doesn't enjoy college. She has told us many times she just wants to stay at home, doesn't want to socialize or do work etc. It sounds lazy but I know she's depressed and struggling at college because of that, so maybe taking a break from it wouldn't be such a bad idea. She was home-schooled in her secondary school years so maybe that is part of her reluctance to socialize?
Well, she may have spent all of her money that she saved up on heroin. However, I know her dad still has her inheritance money from her nan - about £1350, and I know her dad still has it safe. Thing is, she always was interested in Japan, anime and all that, and she was saving up to go to Japan. It was her dream, she said. Now, I don't want her to give up on that dream, and throw her opportunities away like that. Needs to get her life sorted.
I have already booked her in for a treatment, so hopefully, with luck, she'll be "back to normal" in a week or so, is what they said. Question: As we are in the UK, are the laws regarding medication different, opposed to the US? I've heard that methadone can trigger relapses? I just want her to have the best chance of coming off drugs, not to get addicted to another one. I'll also be vetting her friends better in future! Still can't believe this happened, as she was the last person I would expect to get involved in something like this.

Sleeping while standing and being so out of it is either a serious blood flow issue, or she is using opiates. This is a red flag, to me as a future parent

 

[simco]

I just wanted to second herbavore's urging not to beat yourself up about your daughter's addiction. This stuff can and does happen to *anyone* at any time in their life. The reasons people turn to drugs are so varied and complicated, even if it seems like there was a concrete motivator, the truth is almost always way more complicated than that.

You're doing your utmost to help her now, and that's exactly and entirely what a concerned parent can hope to do in this situation. I think you're doing a great, compassionate job.

 

[DoctorMolecule]

I just wanted to second herbavore's urging not to beat yourself up about your daughter's addiction. This stuff can and does happen to *anyone* at any time in their life. The reasons people turn to drugs are so varied and complicated, even if it seems like there was a concrete motivator, the truth is almost always way more complicated than that.

You're doing your utmost to help her now, and that's exactly and entirely what a concerned parent can hope to do in this situation. I think you're doing a great, compassionate job.

Addiction Knows no limits on who it finds. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, and the homeless IV drug user with a 10th grade education. What matters is how you react to this situation, it could be used for bad and beat yourself up or help you as a parent grow as a person. This same is true with your child. This period in her life could continue to spiral out of control or she can grow into a well rounded compassionate person. The same is for all of us