I'm worried for him :(

[BlueWeepingRose]

My boyfriend has Asbergers and he drinks. It's becoming a problem now and I notice by his mood swings and he gets upset easily. I've been very patient with him and understanding about his struggles. Lately he hasn't been speaking to me and I've been giving him space. I'm really hurt over this: Anytime I say anything or I'm honest with him on things, he takes it as I'm judging his character which I'm not. I'm simply being honest with him and if I ever need to talk to him, I'll ask him questions and respect his personal space.

I have a mental illness of my own and take care of myself. However at this point, he won't speak to me and I'm not nagging him. As of right now I'm thinking maybe I should stop trying so much cause I've did everything to support him. Anytime he's upset, he runs away and goes into hiding. The drinking is also concerning for me since I was an addict at one point in my life and this isn't the road I won't to go down again. I love him so much, but at the same time I'm growing exhausted cause he's not opening up to me and continues to act distant. I'm at a loss for words as of right now cause I feel sad seeing him do this to himself. This has been nagging me all week and I just had to get it out there. The drinking is destroying him. As of right now he's sick and home from work and he's been sick in the past. He's getting so bad now that he's starting to binge drink.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

If he's not listening to you... then what you're saying is falling on deaf ears. It's not your fault.

Can you remember when you were an addict? Could anyone get through to you? When did YOU wake up? It's a journey that one needs to take alone... and get out of there alone.

If you tried everything, try something you haven't. One last try.

Have you tried writing him a letter? Hand write it. It'll be therapeutic for you and will be something different for him. People on the spectrum have a difficult time with social cues, and seeing other people in a emotional state. Words on a paper and spelling everything out may just get through to him. Make it one letter and make it good. Make it clear that this would be your last attempt before giving him some real space to reach out when he's ready.

It's also very important to organize the letter. Try not to make it one big rant. Try revising it so your points are clear.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

If he's not listening to you... then what you're saying is falling on deaf ears. It's not your fault.

Can you remember when you were an addict? Could anyone get through to you? When did YOU wake up? It's a journey that one needs to take alone... and get out of there alone.

If you tried everything, try something you haven't. One last try.

Have you tried writing him a letter? Hand write it. It'll be therapeutic for you and will be something different for him. People on the spectrum have a difficult time with social cues, and seeing other people in a emotional state. Words on a paper and spelling everything out may just get through to him. Make it one letter and make it good. Make it clear that this would be your last attempt before giving him some real space to reach out when he's ready.

It's also very important to organize the letter. Try not to make it one big rant. Try revising it so your points are clear.

Thank you for responding to my thread. Yeah he's pretty hard headed to be honest and his social cues are kinda hard. So sometimes I have to explain things to him.

However you're right about being an addict and how you have to get through it alone. I ended up stopping once I realized nobody would be around me anymore. Than I wanted to get help.

Thanks for you're input. I'll write him a letter and give it to him the next time that I do see him. Think it'll help me heal since it's very hard for me to see him do this to himself. Anytime I'm sad, he honestly don't know how to respond to it. So that's something I agree with you on. Hand writing it will help him understand. Thanks for you're advice.

 

[JessFR]

I've had problems like this several times. I was talking about it with someone once and she put it down to men and women just being different. "Women are the communicators" she said. And that's certainly how it feels sometimes.

I've had this problem with my last two boyfriends. Emotional issues that he was having that I was either worried about or were somehow negatively affecting me, and being utterly unable to get him to talk about it. They'd both always be unable to see any attempt to discuss it as an attack and attack back. I dont want to believe in such a stereotypical idea of women being talkers and men refusing too, but so often that's how it felt.

I NEED to talk about my problems, whereas they (my ex's) seemed to NEED not too. And in both cases I told them that not talking about it won't make it go away. It'll get worse till I give up and leave. In one case of the two cases, I did. I tried writing him a letter, which I also hate to do cause it's so impersonal. And I just don't believe in handling things that way. But I was desperate, there was just NO way to get him to shut up and listen long enough to properly understand what I was saying about how his behavior was hurting me. He didn't mean to hurt me, quite the opposite he wanted to protect me. But he felt like he had to do it all alone and wouldn't let me in on what he was going through.

I don't know what the answer is, I never found an effective solution, but just know you're not alone. And it might not be entirely to do with aspergers. One of these ex's was on the autistic spectrum but the other, the one where I left in part (it wasn't the only problem) over it, wasn't. One was a fellow junkie, the other wasn't.

Good luck.

 

[pofacedhoe]

autsim of varying degrees present their own issues sperate from alcohol one of which can be poor communication and poor understanding of how the other partner feels

plus they can enjoy shutting themselves away just to have their own space

the drinking is its own problem

at the same time you can take horse to water but not make it drink.

people only change about themselves what they want to change

alcohol is one problem here but poor communication is the second. also with spectrum shit it can be mild and cool or extreme and hard to work with- everyone is different so how it is expressed in each individual is also different