psyfiend,
May I ask how old you are...ballpark figure. What is the surgery for? I think it would help more if we knew your age group. I am writing this to you with love and good thoughts, so if I write anything that may be offensive, please accept my apology now.
Since from your posts, I assume you are in your 20s to very early 30s, I must tell you this, "don't worry, the worst is yet to come." unknown
I know everything is relative and your pain and perception of your life is real, but I have found out in my own experience, that pausing and trying to put myself in other's shoes, seeing things from their viewpoint, has helped me immensly in the past when I have been full of despair. Is your surgery for a life-threatening disease, or something your body can heal from. Also, when something bad happens there is always something good that happens right after.
You do not have children to support, or a wife yet, the pressures of having to support an entire family -- people depending on you for their existence? Think about how stressful that would be. I am sure you will find out some day. But everything we do in life or that we experience -- whether good or bad -- will affect us the way it is supposed to by how we perceive and deal with each of these experiences.
I am 58 in case you are wondering so all of my advice has been field tested by myself. But they are only one person's perception. I try to exercise critical thinking to everything I can so that I may see every possible outcome and viewpoint. I still have my days where I will sit in my back walk in closet with music blaring -- today was some new rapper name Fault -- and I will sit on the floor and stare until I get tired of being distraught and dramatic for my own viewing. I then get up and do something that is mindless but fun and has nothing to do with responsibility or the current shit everyone has going on in their own lives.
There are sayings I like to live by like, "prepare the worst, but hope for the best," unknown, or "if life is a bowl of cherries than we are all fruitcake." unknown. I try not to take anything so seriously because then I won't laugh at it and laughing at any shit that blows my way has been the best part of getting through this difficult but wonderful life. You should know that if you every decided to just give up, you would miss out on the rest of your life. I tried to cash it in one time after I was sexually assaulted by a stranger with a gun. I was out of my mind and full of pills and vodka, but if I had succeeded, I would have missed so many things I can't imagine missing. Examples would be how my sister and I finally mended a lifetime of misunderstandings by going to therapy and now I have relationship with her I never thought possible, how I accomplished getting my bachelor's degree, or attending grad school, how I'm working toward law school now -- at my age -- because I have a purpose and many goals I want to accomplish, and how after 28 years of marriage to a man that will always be miserable, I found the courage to divorce him and fell in love for the first time in my life and know what it feels like to start a new chapter, minus the bullshit.
Most of all, I am changing into the person I know I can be and believe that I am supposed to be. You will find out that in your later years, you will understand everything, but not understand anything. Therein lies the best part of life.
Just keep going and know that things may not always be the same, but they will definately change. It has to. And when you go to bed, you wake up to a brand new day where you can either fuck up more or make different choices. I always used to tell my best friend about the Nazis and the killings in the ghettos and concentration camps, and how Stalin killed more than Hitler by literally taking every bit of food from Ukraine and other peoples, starving them to death. When I feel depressed, I think about them. Now that would be a fucked up day if you ask me. I am not making light of anything, but sometimes it helps to try and see if it is the unhappiness we are used to or if we are really trying to get out of a depressing situation. I have had many surgeries, I've gained over 80 pounds due to a doctor overprescribing me a medication, and now, I am facing surgery in the next week for a hystorectomy that could have been avoided, but the same doctor was an alcoholic and did not inform me of an abnormal test six years ago. He has fled to another country and was stripped of his medical license, but what if this turns out to be a terminal cervical cancer situation? That would be depressing and it's too late to sue the doctor and he is still drinking and can't practice medicine. I was angry for about a week, but now I figure, hey, I get a versed drug trip before the surgery and a nice morphine drip afterward. So, I see the positive in this. As for the comical, the doctor says I should start losing weight easily after surgery, and if I also figure if i have to do a round of chemo, I will definately lose weight. So, this can surely be seen as a win-win situation.
In conclusion, try to remember that everything will really be ok in the long run. If that doesn't help just think, someday you may look back at this moment in your life and plow into a parked car! he he
All grownups are pirates -- Stay strong.....Courage!!
C
I was told my surgeon / doctor who told me dont lift over 30lbs):I went to the gym for likie 4 years straight (pre-covid bullshit) and painting.. (also some of my paints have expired)
