I'm so sad!!!

[irishgurl]

Hi everyone!
I am sorry to post about something that absolutely nothing to do with E or all the fun stuff we love so much. I just am having the hardest time making a HUGE decision in my life, and nobody will give me their opinions.. They keep saying "do whats right for Heather" As wonderful as that sounds, it doesn't help me when i'm stressing out and crying myself to sleep every night. So, heres my problem. I am supposed to be going to school in Tampa, FL starting this week (Thurs. actually) BUT I'm really not sure if i'm ready to move that far away from my family. I've never been that far away for a long period of time, and i'm just a little scared. OK, i'm more than a little scared.. I'm petrified.. What if I hate it so much I want to drive back? What if I dont meet people? Soooo many What ifs.. But, What if I LOVE IT? My Mom (the most important person in my life) wont tell me what to do, or even what her opinion is.. EVER! I know most people hate when their moms do that, but my MOm never has, and sometimes I just wish she would tell me how she feels about the things i'm doing. I dont know.. So this is what happened today:
We (my mom and me) leave Boston to drive to Florida. The whole ride, I'm pretty much silent, cuz I can feel an enormous lump in my throat and I knew if I tried to speak, I would start crying. 4 Hours later, we're in New Jersey at a rest stop to get a taste of Dunkin's.. I started crying when I ordered the coffee for my mom.. I couldn't stop, and In the car, my mom said she didn't want to take me to FL so a week later I would drive back home by myself because I was so miserable. I couldn't tell her it wouldn't happen, so she turned us around and came home.
Now, i want to be in school more than anything, I dont want to wait another semester. BUT i'm stuck here. I'm just soooooo sad and I dont think theres anything to be up in Boston for.. So why dont I want to leave? Theres not even a guy here.. I have an ex down in FL, who is one of my closestfriends now.. And, a guy I'll never have, who is my friend in NY.. My friends all have boyfriends, jobs, their own little lives to tend to.. I just dont know whats goingon with meand why I do these things to myself

Sorry to ramble and whine, but I really need to vent and like I said, nobody helps much. Thanks for being here for me to vent to..
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~*~* irishgurl ~*~*

 

[TraiN]

if i was put in your shoes this is what i would do(i get home sick easy too):
I would STAY go to Boston College or UMass or
somewhere close and where you could still see your family and your friends. Thats the way i would do it those schools are just as good as Tampa, if you wanna go for the weather its i bit better but i LUV the cold weather and the summers we have i guess i've never been anywhere for a long period of time i just love Mass (even though i say i hate it).
if i were you i would stay home and keep your
friends, friends are the most important thing, believe me i just went through a tough breakup and if i didn't have my friend (Smad) i think i would have died and just not have been able to take the pain of the breakup. well anyway enough about me

*much love to Smad* .. its hard to find friends especially BEST friends so stay, (thats just my opinion)

 

[Mr. Sticky]

Honey, the unknown is the scariest thing in the world for humans...and this definitely qualifies. Of course you had the response you did...I think most people who are tight with their family would have had a similar reaction.
...but there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just something completely new. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to make small changes in yourself that you've always wanted to make but couldn't because everybody who knew you would freak out. You can experiment with anything (I'm not talkin' prostitution or heroin addiction, of course); it's your chance to be completely free...flying without your safety net (family) constantly around. I'm sure you'd be amazed at what your capable of, and how satisfying it can be to do it on your own.
Don't forget, your family is only a phone call away, you already have a close friend in FL, and you've always got bluelight where ever you go. It's a chance for you to become exactly who you want to be...who you should be if left to your own devices.
I'm pretty sure why your mother gave you no opinions in the matter. She obviously wants to keep you near (she gave birth to you, you're a part of her), but doesn't want to express that for fear of you never becoming your own person. I'm sure her emotions are more conflicted than yours. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the way you said she handled it...she cannot make the decision for you...you have to make it.
The only thing harder for a mother than letting her baby go is having to see her baby die.
It sounds like now you regret turning around. Great!!! Remember that feeling when next semester rolls around; don't let go of it. Regret is a wonderful motivator...use it. So what if you weren't ready this time? Next time you will be. It's all a learning process--trial and error--so don't get down on yourself for "screwing up," not that I think you screwed up...but I think that's the way you feel.
You've got a long time ahead of you in life to figure it all out, so expect to make a few mistakes during the journey. Be patient, pay attention, and learn from it all...everything has something to teach us. As long as we learn, we're doin' pretty well.
Good luck, sister...it'll all turn out okay, I'm sure of it.

 

[HAVESA]

hey Heather,
I'm from Boston too, and I am alot like you are (but a little older). I too, moved to Fla. and it was the most scary thing that I had ever done, up to that point. I went to FAU in Boca, scared shit, but it didn't take long to make friends. After the initial shock of it all I began to be able to enjoy what Fla. had to offer 'n' it was an amazing experience. Since then I lived in Georgia and Germany (couldn't even speak it), and it's always the same, scared shit at first, then once you acclimate, things open up.
Believe me, I can tell from your posts, your a warm and outgoing person. NO worries in Fla if you decide to go. Believe me if I can do it you certainly can, I don't even post because I like to be safe, 'n' not offend someone 'n' shit, you're certainly more outgoing than I. I say go, you can ALWAYS come home to family and friends. I've been back for a few yrs now but I'll be movin to Seattle soon, yep scared again, but there sooooo much the place offers 'n' the peeps are really laid back, no status shit at all.
Sorry to ramble, well the point is almost everything I've done that scared the f*ck out of me happened to be the greatest exp. of my life, some have failed, some havn't but they were all amazing.
Whatever to decide, you'll aways have people to love and care for you and when you know that it alot easier to be brave.
John

 

[Enerbunny]

There's nothing to worry about honey, you sound like your a well rounded, likeable person...it may be hard for a few days, but you'll meet people quicker than you think you will. PLUS THERE ARE MORE FLORIDA BLUELIGHTERS THAN ANYWHERE!! I personally am from Georgia and moved to Florida by myself on a whim...I have since then made awesome friends and I have a good life. Plus I've met some of the greatest Floridians right here on this board.. We try to have meetups pretty often..planning one Jan 21st in Jacksonville, so you'll always have friends in Florida!!! Hope this helps you some... If you wanna talk more on the phone or something when you get to Fla. email me, I'm always available for a friend!!
PLUR
love you guys!!

 

[SpecilKNY]

Well - I'm not sure how much this will help you but what can happen if you move and decide to come back - you have all the time in the world and can always change your mind

Iv'e moved last year and a half - from israel where i was born raised and had ALL my friends to amsteram (didn't know anyone) and had fun there to NY - where again I had to start all over and I had even bigger problems with language and all - I have to tell you - you always make friends and if you don't like it you can always go back

well I hope that you'll take the chance go to FL and at least give it a try ..
or as an oldman once said
"If you don't try .. You'll never know..."
Or was that my father finding out i'm taking E LOL
Plur ..
SpecialK

 

[special k]

hon i agree with enerbunny you sound well rounded and should have no problems
leaving home could be really weird but it also gives you oppurtunities that youd never have at home.....and as for meeting people there are lots of cool bluelighters who will welcome you with open arms there are even a few of us in the tampa area(me, flower, wyrm, super_steve) and many more in orlando(less then 2 hours) and one of my personnal favorites in daytona soon to be in o town (ruru aka the wippit wizard).
when youve always asked someone what to do and suddenly they stop it is way hard but if you werent ready or they didnt have faith theyd tell you to stay dont you think?
listen to your heart and if you believe in a hiher power pray itll help more then youll know
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~special k~
"you will remain the same till the pain of staying that way is greater then the pain of change"

 

[special k]

hon i agree with enerbunny you sound well rounded and should have no problems
leaving home could be really weird but it also gives you oppurtunities that youd never have at home.....and as for meeting people there are lots of cool bluelighters who will welcome you with open arms there are even a few of us in the tampa area(me, flower, wyrm, super_steve) and many more in orlando(less then 2 hours) and one of my personnal favorites in daytona soon to be in o town (ruru aka the wippit wizard).
when youve always asked someone what to do and suddenly they stop it is way hard but if you werent ready or they didnt have faith theyd tell you to stay dont you think?
listen to your heart and if you believe in a hiher power pray itll help more then youll know
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~special k~
"you will remain the same till the pain of staying that way is greater then the pain of change"

 

[Guru Daddy]

Hey irishgurl!
Look at all the love in these responses! I'm gonna repeat myself here: I believe there are two forces in the universe, love and fear. Love will always kick fear's ass if you let it. You carry the universe inside you wherever you are - Boston, Florida, it doesn't matter. What matters is you. I've spent a great deal of my life trying to find smart, funny, artistic people who would want to sit around and talk about the kinds of things I want to talk about. Well, I finally found them and guess what they're everywhere! I just didn't see them because I was afraid - am I cool/smart/talented enough?... When I decided to just love myself, all those great people started loving me too. The point is, the answers are all inside you - not in other people, or where you should live. You are a loving, beautiful person (trust me I know this because we all are, its just a question of how much we stifle our love with fear), and you will be loved wherever you go! Trust that you will be loved, you deserve nothing less. Love is amazing - it feeds off itself and multiplies faster than you can believe. You know - we've all met people who when you say their names everyone goes: "Oh, I love them!" Those people have figured it out - its not about respect, glory, power or any of the usual prizes. And what's really great is if you love yourself and give love to others, you win all those prizes anyway.
Mr. Sticky makes a great point about the unknown (actually he makes alot of great points) - you see it all the time with drugs. People will tell you how crazy you are to "risk your life just to have fun" (like there's a better reason?), and then hop in the car and hurtle themselves down a highway so they can pick up the dry cleaning. The car is known, its familiar so we lose our fear of it. So how do you lose fear? Become familiar with every possible situation. Sounds impossible right? Its not, because every situation you find has one common factor - you! Become familiar (know) yourself and nothing is unknown. When nothing is unknown, there is nothing to fear!
OK, I can hear people saying: yeah, yeah, yeah, nice theory, now join the real world. All I can say is: just try it. Love everybody you see, especially yourself for one day. I promise you, you will be blown away by the changes you see.
You asked for an opinion. You rightly noticed that people generally don't like to give them because they are afraid of the "responsibility". What happens if I tell you to go to Florida and you hate it? Then its my fault and you'll hate me! I was in the "its up to you" camp for a long time - not anymore. Understand that your Mom loves you, and its her own fears that are stopping her. So here's my opinion - go to Flordia. Go with love for yourself and everyone you meet. Go with the certainty that you will love and be loved wherever you are, and that's all that matters. Go without fear - nothing is unknown because you know yourself. And go with the knowledge that clearly a bunch of really cool Bluelighters live in Flordia!
Love and Peace,
Guru Daddy

 

[Megorit]

Hey Sweetie! I know exactly what you are going through!! My parents got a divorce when I first started high school so my little sister and my mom were my entire life...Time came to go to college and eventhough I could have gone just about anywhere I chose LSU because my brother was going to be there and I had gotten so attached to the being with family thing...Well brother boy ended up heading to South America and I went ot LSU anyway...While I was at school my mom's finacee got cancer, then they broke up, my mom got back togther with my dad and with all that going on I decided that everything was too crazy and I needed to be home for my sister....I came home only to have my mom and dad break up again and my mom's boyfriend's cancer to go into remission...I went back to school the following fall and while I was gone my parents got back together again and actually REMARRIED!! I managed to make it through that following spring semester only to have my parents break up again...Well, now they are back together but I have stayed home. My sister needs some stability in her life...She is only 8!! Now, my parents are moving to TX from PA and I have to decide who I am going to do what for...I have a great job, good friends, and see myself going somewhere. In my heart, though, I feel like I have to follow my family...It is really tough!! I am so torn...Just try and hang tough and hopefully the answer will come to you...That is what I am praying for!!!
XOXO

 

[PaRaDoX]

I was going to post... but you already have SO much support for ya... both ways... =) so instead of my usual long winded self... allow me to say:
GO FOR IT! (fla that is)
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"Like a shooting star,
Accross the midnight sky!
Wherever you are,
Yer gunna see me FLY!!"
-BANG!
PaRaDoX -and PLUR for all!