I'm scared and I feel bad and I really need some reassurance..

[azgaza]

So basically the problem is I did way too much ketamine the past week; up to 3 grams a day or possibly even a bit more, although not every day as much but most days and I got k-cramps from that but because I had a lot of places to go, parties to attend and people to meet I kept going with the K to get rid of the pain and pretend I was ok, which worked but extended the duration of the k-pains until the point they're still here today and have been for 8 days now.. although with varying intensity. Right now they're bad but managable.

(might be useful to know I'm female and only weigh around 108 pounds). To help with keeping the pain down I also took around the max dose of paracetamol those 8 days; averaging 3.5 - 4 grams a day but there may have been two days where I took 4.5 or 5 grams. I also phoned the emergency line to ask if that dose was too much and they said I should be safe. I'm not taking any more now, if the pain continues I'll suffer through it I brought this on myself. I'm also cutting down with the K now and I just plan on staying home and taking care of my body. What got me properly worried is that I took 4.5 grams of paracetamol the the past 24-28 hours and a about an hour ago I got sick, very nauseous (with very intense k-cramps too) but I was already a bit ill, sore troath and stuff and I threw up (which I don't easily do, last time was 16 years ago), luckely just water and afterwards I felt a lot better, which is now. But I read the first symptom of paracetamol overdose is nausea. Still, I should be ok, but I'm just scared and I feel bad and I want more people to tell me I won't die that stuff will be ok. I'm also all alone now and I just feel so bad that I did this to myself it was stupid and I was perfectly aware of what stupidity I was doing but I couldn't help myself.

Please someone tell me my liver will get through this if I don't take any paracetamol for atleast half a year and cut down / do just a tiny tiny bit / not do any K for the upcomming atleast week or so to let my body rest a bit?

Also if anyone has any advise on how to deal with escapism tendancies in another way then taking dissociatives, that would be good advise. Because the problem isn't really just ketamine addiction, it's a sort of urge to flee from reality into my own world and my own mind, something I've always had. Before it was a 6.5 year cannabis addiction which i got rid of on my own and before that I practically lived in my own imagination. I do like taking dissociatives for reasons I call good reasons such as inspiration, partying and creativity boosting and self exploration but I want to get rid of the escapism-reason, the fleeing from reality. Why do I not like the world .. my life is fine really, I'm normally quite healthy, I have nice friends, I have a great family, a lovely home, great cats, good intelligence, I can do a lot of stuff, I make a lot of stuff and I have some nice study plans to get that part of my life back on track as well.

Someone please tell me I'm not dying I don't feel very nauseous anymore, just a bit because I threw up (just water luckely ) about an hour ago and haven't eaten in a few hours and well obviously that doesn't make me feel good, but not nearly as bad as about two hours ago.

Also does anyone know what I should look out for in terms of other symptoms? When should I call the emergency doctor? If the nausea stays away, does that mean I'm 100% safe?

Edit: Just a digital hug or anything would also help I feel lonely and in physical pain and, obviously, kind of ashamed / bad I did this to myself..

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Ketamine can hurt your bladder.

I think if you stay off of it, everything will get better.

 

[OGKooosh]

you'll make it girlie. but you should probably lay off the K for longer than a week if at all possible. as capt. H. said it can really fuck up your bladder so just be on the look out for blood in your urine and you'll be gravy.

 

[herbavore]

First off, here's the hug ((((((())))))). I am truly sorry that you feel alone and ashamed.

As far as wanting to escape the world.....when I hear that, I always think, "wait! the same world I can't get enough of?" There are worlds within worlds within worlds right in your own neighborhood, there are countless ways to see the world depending on what you look for and there are tons of ways to change things up that are not working out in your life. Add to that, there are currently 196 countries so if you subtract the one you live in that means 195 that you could escape to. I don't mean to sound glib. I just seriously think that when a young person feels the need to escape the world that it means they have not taken themselves out of the one they want to escape and seen other worlds. Your life is a one time deal. Escaping with substances that harm your organs and make you feel bad about yourself is not working for you. Getting off the ketamine is a start but finding out what it really is that makes your world so unbearable will perhaps take a bit more work and no small amount of courage; still, it will free you. I think that you are in a good place to look at that right now.

 

[azgaza]

Thank you for the responses That does help a bit. About an hour or two after I posted the original message I felt pretty much fine again. The pain in my upper body went away (the K-cramps) and the nausea did not return either. I was able to eat some food and not do any more ketamine for atleast the evening, night and today. Now I still feel psysically fine although ofcourse a bit .. well still ashamed and not quite proud of what I did to myself yesterday.

I'm aware of the risk of bladder problems, luckely those have not yet occured to me, not even slightly. Probably because I'm not a daily user (more of a weekend user who occasionally takes 4 day weekends), and I drink a lot of water. However the amounts I sometimes take due to tolerance and just a fuck it attitude do hurt my gallbladder and the pain that causes is completely unreal. I'm going to cut down, not quit ever, I know I don't want to quit there's also plenty of benefits such as inspiration, creativity boost, recreation, partying and conciousness exploration only I am aware of that I can do all those things doing maybe 1 or 2 evenings of K a month and no more then half a gram in an evening and thát way I won't hurt my body with it while the habbit I currently have is not healthy.

Most of all I want to work on finding out why I want the escapism and get other parts of my life back on track (such as study, driving license, doing more healthy hobbies other then art and music). Either way I hope I can keep myself under control. I'll use tactics as having other people keep my K for me so that I cannot use it on weekdays atleast and not every weekend hopefully the cutting down will be succesful that way. I don't want to quit it, I love the substance too much, I just want a healthy habbit and I had one in the past for two years prior to starting to overdo it and I know that works fine if I do it that way, I just need to get myself to going back to that.

Either way I'm glad I feel fine again, now to learn from this...