I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to happiness!

[bluedom]

This past weekend I had a great mental breakthrough while tripping on a combination of DXM with THC (hash oil) where I reached the third plateau and also the sigma plateau. This was my first trip with psychedelics and disassociation and it was fantastic. I've posted the trip reports and my experiences in depth in other threads (search for my username or the DXM subthread in the psychedelics forum). During all my DXM trips I have great memories recalled which I love (I already have a great memory of a lot of stuff since age 3 and these memories are great) but it has been bringing up repeatedly my deep, dark memories of my addiction to alcohol.

The issue is that I started exploring my psyche with small molecules in my 30s and encountered alcohol which I was physically addicted to. I used and got out of alcohol addiction for 3 years, and 2.5 years of that was a really good time so in a meta sense, I did learn from the experience---the last six months where when the addiction really took hold and alcohol had no benefit to me but I still felt the need to consume it creating a vicious feedback with not only me but everyone around me. But now I'm free from alcohol addiction (3 years now), thanks to great support from my family, friends, and colleagues.

The realisation I had was that I really didn't care about what compounds I was taking. If I could get the experience through any other means (and I have and do through a form of intense focus which leads to euphoria that is MDMA-like but still cautious which is good) I'd do it!

The point of my post is that my addiction to alcohol was a diversion (perhaps useful but it was unintended) from what I really wanted to do. I backtracked and am the right path again I feel and I know now the problems of addiction first hand at a deep level. The happiness is not in the substance but in your own head and chasing happiness isn't a bad thing but chasing a substance is. I think that distinction is really very clear to me now.

Hopefully I'm not fooling myself here. The DXM + THC trips themselves appeal to me a lot but I've already started to get bored of them and neither is addictive to me, meaning I don't feel the need to keep taking more and more when I am sated. With alcohol, when I was really drunk, what I wanted to do was drink EVEN MORE! How crazy is that? It has never happened to me with any other drug, even opiates in the long term (I develop great tolerance to any euphoric affects immediately so it's pointless, like with THC and DXM also). DXM by itself seems far more cold and brutal than when compared to doing it with THC.

I have noticed a tendency in me to still try to find things that lead to opening my mind somehow either through experiences (which I definitely do and have done; I've done the skydiving/hang gliding/mountain climbing/nature thing and now I'm a city person which is what led to the alcohol problem) or through substances (which includes eating really spicy food). I need to avoid substances that are physically addicting to me with the combination of ruining my judgement and I think I will be okay. I think alcohol is an extremely destructive drug and it is used as a means of control in society and is the cause of a lot of pain. As I said before in another post, if psychedelics had been legalised during prohibition, we probably would not be consuming alcohol anymore. This is my speculation.

 

[Serotonin101]

Interesting idea. The three unalienable rights are life, liberty, and PROPERTY. Yet down the line (especially after slavery was abolished) property was replaced with "the pursuit of happiness". I agree that we all deserve some happiness, it's the route we take to achieve that so called happiness. My mind being wired in the addict way prefers a good shot of dope to the best sex I've ever had (I'm a drug addict not a sex addict). On the other hand, working out, getting more muscle, and looking good boosts my self esteem and brings about a different happiness and satisfaction, though not as strong, it's a new high so it's equally enjoyable to the same ol drug highs after awhile. Instead of carrying on to harder drugs or doing combinations or increasing dosages, maybe try something mild (substance) combined with an amazing experience. For instance, smoke a fat ass joint then go sky diving. I'm sure it would be exciting and new. For me, doing something new in the bedroom brings excitement back (maybe I am a sex addict? =P). Or just traveling in general is incredible and definitely opens your mind to new culture, language, architecture, food, etc. Hell going back to school is incredible too. Life does get boring sometimes and there's nothing like exploring something new, both inside and outside yourself.

 

[KillCops]

Ya thats what i say all the time. im not addicted to drugs im addicted to FUN no matter what form it comes in. its just that sometimes theres nothing fun to do then drugs. and of coarse using one substance to much would cause a physical addiction but its just the fun or happiness i seek and can still be responsible with drug use becuase if i notice im using one drug to much ill be like "man i better find a new source of fun" and move on. This is probably the case with alot of people.

 

[bluedom]

I fully agree with you that taking a mildly addictive substance like THC and then redoing the same activities that have gotten boring is really a good way to go. At least that's the way I've chosen. I don't use anything I was previously addicted to or can get addicted to though. I only use things I actually am fairly confident after a month of use that I don't demonstrate addictive tendencies to it even if I did initially. Travelling is one of the best things to do, as is learning (I'm permanently in school for the record) but it is always not possible to travel and going back and forth to a location is actually pretty boring and taxing (this is how I started drinking --- at airports and planes --- suddenly time just flew by when I landed drunk) and learning is a function eventually of how much your brain can take. I guess every activity can get boring to me if I do too much of it (that's how I know I'm not addicted to it --- this didn't happen with alcohol) and it's the boredom that drives me to search new things. So anwyays, to wrap it all up, your suggestion is spot on. Even in the bedroom, life changes a lot when you're a bit more relaxed with a substance that will help in the bedroom but again the main thing is to not develop a new addiction to this substance by association.

I think property is an artificial construct. Who does property belong to especially when we talk about land and other natural things? If it's compensation from labour I'd agree. Physical property is far less problematic than intellectual property. But either way, pursuit of happiness sounds good. But we don't have that. We have pursuit of property. I think that has brought about unhappiness.

Thanks for responding.

Interesting idea. The three unalienable rights are life, liberty, and PROPERTY. Yet down the line (especially after slavery was abolished) property was replaced with "the pursuit of happiness". I agree that we all deserve some happiness, it's the route we take to achieve that so called happiness. My mind being wired in the addict way prefers a good shot of dope to the best sex I've ever had (I'm a drug addict not a sex addict). On the other hand, working out, getting more muscle, and looking good boosts my self esteem and brings about a different happiness and satisfaction, though not as strong, it's a new high so it's equally enjoyable to the same ol drug highs after awhile. Instead of carrying on to harder drugs or doing combinations or increasing dosages, maybe try something mild (substance) combined with an amazing experience. For instance, smoke a fat ass joint then go sky diving. I'm sure it would be exciting and new. For me, doing something new in the bedroom brings excitement back (maybe I am a sex addict? =P). Or just traveling in general is incredible and definitely opens your mind to new culture, language, architecture, food, etc. Hell going back to school is incredible too. Life does get boring sometimes and there's nothing like exploring something new, both inside and outside yourself.