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Im in too deep....

M

McHigh_HMG

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
394
Location
Connecticut
Ive been IV'ing heroin for about a year now and its slowly starting to interfere with my though process. I just admitted to myself that i am an addict maybe about 2 months ago. I feel like ive distanced myself from my fam even more, im constantly thinkin about heroin, i dont have a job and i really just feel like i need somehing in my life.
I wanna stop using but i dont even trust myself. I dont feel comfortable with the thought of my parents knowing directly that i have been doing this to myself (they may have an idea). I have one good friend who knows and plenty other friends that dont. The friends that do know are the ones doing the same thing so it doesnt do good to go to them. I have family who have been addicted to other things such as crack and oxys but have been clean for a minute now. Right now im just not comfortable going ti family yet but it is a possibility. I dont have a way to put myself through rehab or some kind of program. I just started getting physically addicted and im not liking it one bit. I started using heroin recreationally and was succesful doing that until i started only using money for that and soon it was the only drug i really came to like or enjoy versus anything else.
I wanna get a job but its not that easy right now and im not to good when it comes to women. I feel like tgats the two things that would help me bring me out of this hole i dug to deep for myself to get out.

If anybody could feed me some options that been through a similiar experience, please give me some advice. Anything is welcome.
 
If you don't trust yourself, maybe rehab would be an option. Sounds like you want to stop, but need some help along the way, rehab will provide exactly that. Just keep in mind that your brain needs complete rewiring, which can be a long process. A good support network after rehab or quitting by yourself is essential for this, sober living or NA for example.

However, the most important thing is that you want to quit for yourself, not for any other reasons. It's your decision after all, other people can help, but ultimately it's up to you.
 
I would consider telling your parents. They may react better than you think. If you are too terrified to tell them in person you could write them a letter, which would also enable you to fully explain things and provide them with some info about addiction. If you aren't ready for that you could tell them you are depressed and would like to see a therapist. You could also read some self-help books, go to meetings, ask your friends for support. The sooner you get help the better. I had to learn the hard way that it only gets worse and worse, and that telling people in my life wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined it to be and actually turned out to be very helpful.
 
Are you in the U.S. and are you still on your parents' insurance? If so, rehab may be covered and this alone would be a good reason to tell them. As the parent of a late drug user I can tell you that your parents probably suspect more than you think at this point and losing you to addiction or worse is by far more terrible than everyone having to go through confronting the truth of the situation. I think swimmingdancer's idea about writing a letter, especially if you are willing to go to rehab, is a great idea. Let them know that you do not need more shame or fear or judgement, you are already heaping that on yourself. You simply need support to do what you have to do to get off crack. It would be good if you were already taking steps in that direction like going to meetings, researching meeting alternatives online like Rational Recovery, etc. Good luck. Remember that isolation with this is your worst enemy. It is very hard to do this alone and in secret.
 
I think that the fact that you want to stop is a step in the right direction. You can't quit if you don't want to. I know that's probably an overly simple way of looking at it but it's true. Try everything; go to meetings, ask for help from your family, ask your doctor. Do something. And know that you might fail the first time you try. Most people do from what I've read on here. But don't stop trying.
 
^

Personally, I'd try stopping without telling your family first. This doesn't mean you will be alone in the process at all. There are many resources to support you through the process (such as HERE :)). Also as everyone already said, groups and what not can work for certain people too. It is not impossible to stop on your own but it is really hard. no point in pretending otherwise... you have to be really ready to. it also sounds like right now youre at a sort of 'crossroads' where you can either get really deep into it or turn things around. obviously the best would be to seek some help before you no longer would consider it! The reason I say try without your family first is just because it will be a lot less pressure... but i dont know your family and they could be super supportive and amazing. i use secretly (successfully kicked with methadone recently all by myself!) and the idea of my family knowing terrifies me. even though they would be supportive of me and helpful im sure. i just couldnt deal with the pressure and disapointment. the most important thing is that you ASK FOR HELP if you need it. your health and safety and happiness is more important than anyones opinion of you! good luck :>
 
Im not depressed or anything but im now seeing what kind of shit this brings to a person. All the people that i know that been using for years warned me to stop before it gets serious but i was too ignorant to listen to them and now im going through it.
 
McHigh_HMG said:
All the people that i know that been using for years warned me to stop before it gets serious but i was too ignorant to listen to them and now im going through it.
Click to expand...

Which just means you're just like most of us on BL. Don't beat yourself up about it. We're all guilty of the same thing.
 
McHigh_HMG said:
Im not depressed or anything but im now seeing what kind of shit this brings to a person. All the people that i know that been using for years warned me to stop before it gets serious but i was too ignorant to listen to them and now im going through it.
Click to expand...

I just meant if you aren't ready to tell your parents that you could tell them you are depressed as an excuse to see a therapist.

But really I think it would best to tell your parents and go to rehab if at all possible.
 
^i thought that was what u meant. I wanna go to a rehab... Its just the fear of my parents thinkin of me as an addict. I think once the summer is over and i go back to school im gunna just buy some subs and take em whenever i have a craving. I know they wotk when your dopesick but from the shit ive read and heard they dont stop the craving which is the thong thats gunna get me in the long run.
 
And meetings are out of the question for me for now because i have someone in my main fam who goes there and i wouldnt want thwm to see me there. At least until they dont know. Thats only an option once i have the balls to go talk to someone in my family.
 
I don't know man, your goal should be to live your life with as little substances with you as possible, best without any.

Why not give living drug-free a try? It looks as though you are not getting hugely dope sick which means you quite possibly can get off this shit unaided. If you go on sub, you will have to go OFF sub, for which the WDs are nasty too. There's no avoiding the WD and it'd be best that you face it as soon as possible as it will be lesser.

Also, look into what made you use heroin. You may be bipolar, be suffering social anxiety, have depression; there will be an organic/psychological reason for it which, if unfixed, will have you coming back to the drug again at some point in your life.

That's they way I see it but I haven't been addicted to heroin per se.
 
I don't know man, your goal should be to live your life with as little substances with you as possible, best without any.

Why not give living drug-free a try? It looks as though you are not getting hugely dope sick which means you quite possibly can get off this shit unaided. If you go on sub, you will have to go OFF sub, for which the WDs are nasty too. There's no avoiding the WD and it'd be best that you face it as soon as possible as it will be lesser.

Also, look into what made you use heroin. You may be bipolar, be suffering social anxiety, have depression; there will be an organic/psychological reason for it which, if unfixed, will have you coming back to the drug again at some point in your life.

That's they way I see it but I haven't been addicted to heroin per se (though the process of addiction is fairly generic, unfortunately).
 
Well theres deff more than one meeting but theres one on my street that i cant go to but ill most likey run into someone i know which isnt a problem unless they know my family one way or another.

Right now im only 3 days clean and going through minor withdrawl right now. I really only used it recreationally as with plenty other substances but heroin soon became the only drug i spemt money on besides buds. It just became an addiction and i never seen myself as an addict until i started using a needle which just fucked me over in the long run.

Ive never thought more about my life than i have in the past two weeks. Im 18 and gotta get my priorities straight. Im tryin to get a job and a life really. A good amount of friends are just movin on with their lives (ones that dont use). I used to chill all the time with everybody but once summer started it seems like ive been just chillin with the people i go down to cop with. I feel like cause this summer was SOOO boring so far i started using it more than ever.
 
Just a quick thing about meetings. It's called Narcotics ANONYMOUS for a reason. That's why only first names are used and stories are to stay inside the fellowship.

It sounds to me that your'e on the fence about quitting. I was where you were at man, when I was younger. I'm not trying to write a bible or anything. Just, once I admitted to myself that I needed help and asked people for help, al ot more options became available. Social services is there to help, get medicaid man, they pay for numerous rehabs. It's hard to tell someone you're a junky, certainly, but if you truly want to get back on the right fucking track it seems necessary.

I have been on methadone before for a couple years, I've been on (and currently am again) on suboxone, I've spent a decent amount of time incarcerated.. homeless.. Believe me, it doesn't get any better from here.

You seem young, and I just hope you do okay bro. it isn't easy, and you may not get it on the first try. Relapsing is just part of recovery, but if I knew then what I knew now, afterall the rehabs, jails, hospitals, clinics/doctors, I would definitely still not be struggling with this bullshit.

You see all yoru friends moving forwards, going to college, having a good girlfriend, making money, etc. Being stuck as a heroin addict is just an endless cycle of bullshit. An infinite time loop of despair, and suffering. Try to break that loop now, before it gets (too) out of hand, as it only compounds itself down the road. Like a snowball rolling down a hill.

It stops being fun quick.

Feel free to PM me if you need anything.
 
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