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Im in this 'funk' and need to get out.

Psycho.nova

Psycho.nova

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2013
Messages
41


Hello community. I haven't posted in quite some time. Last was about fanatical obsessions with the chemicals that the psilocybin mushroom offers. Since then i've rly taken a fall. I've reclused myself from life. Sleeping 16, 17 hrs a day. Not caring one bit about what my family thinks. Just wanting to sleep all of my twisted emotions away that i have in my situation. Im asking for advice. Support. Methods of practice to overcome this. I have given up so many outlets that i once used so well to cope with problems. Skateboarding, which was rly like my first love, is something i want to turn too again. Jammin, my second love, i've also given up on. Though both things are just lying here in my room. And i would go out and do them. I've tried. What keeps me from going back is i go out for the sake of going out. By the time i do get to the park Im constantly in worry. Worrying about how can be so selfish and come out to skate when my family is left on the line.
My family owns a restaurant here in the heart of Philadelphia, and our home is part with our business. Very little do i help out. My 60 yr old grandmother works, it seems like entire days down in the lobby serving customers, running food, upstairs prepping, watching my sister so my mother in law can then come down and work a few hrs. I've lived here now like going on 2 yrs maybe. I left for awhile, and came back realizing it was the best place for me to do.
Here i have the resources to get a degree. Im blessed with the networks that my uncle offers through his company in construction. I don't know where to place myself in all this. In the kitchen. In the field. In school. In my passions. Im sick of being a sore in my family, as they all work. Ridiculously a lot.
The most bothering thing, of all, is i don't talk to any of them. I can be right next to them and just don't say a word.

So, holy ghost, how can I come out of this apathy and start to create some emotional energy in my life. Please share what keeps yourself charged and I will take it to heart. I want to wanna get out of bed, in the morning, again. and find peace. Oh holy god it has been some time since i've experienced any peace
 
i guess your experiencing depression?

getting your blood moving around your body again is one of the things that can kickstart a positive outlook on life

if you are currently just staying in your room and sleeping, then skating in the sun is going to appear as an improvement to your family surely.

what helps me is running 30 minutes every day, not enough can be said for consistant exercise in terms of combatting depression and apathy.

I dont speak to about half of my family so dont take that too hard, do you get money from working in your family's restaurant? could you use money and the things you could buy as a motivator to work?

work is actually another great resource to becoming a functional person again, routine really helps you feel a bit more optimistic about life and everything becomes a lot less of a struggle to do

also you mentioned you are unsure of what to do with yourself anyway, I would suggest passions until you feel ready to work (start with trying kitchen perhaps, if you cant dig that environment then construction?) and then once you have your shit together you can focus on your studies
 
I used to be in the same "funk" or rut if you will, and was there for so many years I'm surprised I'm still alive today.

Exercise is a must (unless you're a chronic pain patient and are physically unable to). This has helped my depression more than I can even begin to explain.

Have something you're passionate about in life, and dedicate time to it every day.
 
Mysterie said:
i guess your experiencing depression?

getting your blood moving around your body again is one of the things that can kickstart a positive outlook on life

if you are currently just staying in your room and sleeping, then skating in the sun is going to appear as an improvement to your family surely.

what helps me is running 30 minutes every day, not enough can be said for consistant exercise in terms of combatting depression and apathy.

I dont speak to about half of my family so dont take that too hard, do you get money from working in your family's restaurant? could you use money and the things you could buy as a motivator to work?

work is actually another great resource to becoming a functional person again, routine really helps you feel a bit more optimistic about life and everything becomes a lot less of a struggle to do

also you mentioned you are unsure of what to do with yourself anyway, I would suggest passions until you feel ready to work (start with trying kitchen perhaps, if you cant dig that environment then construction?) and then once you have your shit together you can focus on your studies
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Surely, yes. It is a motivation, they keep telling me, write down your hrs..write down your hrs. Trying to motivate me. I guess money isn't what is rly bothering me right now, or I would get in there and bust ass. and ya i need to get my blood moving and skating would be two birds for that. being a creative outlet too, and keeping me from feeling like a douche for working out when i still feel like a stranger in my own home. I couldn't be with you any further thank u. I desperately need a routine. Its just so hard to get up in the morning, when I live right next to the room of my uncle, who i feel like i'd be disturbing due to us not hanging out in the first place. I'd be motivated to wake up early n put in hrs every day if I didn't feel like such a stranger around the people that work with my family and of course, my family. Its my relationships that are rly on the line here
 
I just spend way too much time alone to the point to when it's time to be around someone im so introverted i don't know how to meet minds with them. It gets dumb when the number of ppl im around increases. For the longest time i feel like i haven't been able to have an intelligent conversation with someone. Im always skimming the surface in conversation, saying just enough to not seem totally unresponsive. and the rest of the time im staring off into the distance. Idk what's appropriate you know. I get an urge to say a certain something then wait too long and say well its too late to say that now, like if im not immediately able to say what's on my mind then saying it a second or two late is missing any point in saying it. Im not like afraid to be with another person. I just stop being alive around them. Im not like it when im by myself. I laugh at shit n comment on shit n i think the shits funny. But its like i lack the delivery when im around other ppl. and of course if i don't believe its appropriate first, how the hell is anyone else going to.
I guessed a psychiatrist would diagnose me as depressed, but i would just say its from all my hesitation and neglecting of doing the things i know i should be doing. Fuck meds. I roll an organic cigarette and smoke bud. Everything just feels loose like i don't have an archetype to follow. or any principles to live by. and idk where to look find them.
 
Psycho.nova said:
I just spend way too much time alone to the point to when it's time to be around someone im so introverted i don't know how to meet minds with them. It gets dumb when the number of ppl im around increases. For the longest time i feel like i haven't been able to have an intelligent conversation with someone. Im always skimming the surface in conversation, saying just enough to not seem totally unresponsive. and the rest of the time im staring off into the distance. Idk what's appropriate you know. I get an urge to say a certain something then wait too long and say well its too late to say that now, like if im not immediately able to say what's on my mind then saying it a second or two late is missing any point in saying it. Im not like afraid to be with another person. I just stop being alive around them. Im not like it when im by myself. I laugh at shit n comment on shit n i think the shits funny. But its like i lack the delivery when im around other ppl. and of course if i don't believe its appropriate first, how the hell is anyone else going to.
I guessed a psychiatrist would diagnose me as depressed, but i would just say its from all my hesitation and neglecting of doing the things i know i should be doing. Fuck meds. I roll an organic cigarette and smoke bud. Everything just feels loose like i don't have an archetype to follow. or any principles to live by. and idk where to look find them.
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To be quite honest, after reading this post, I would say you're suffering from depression yes, but I think the bigger problem here is social anxiety.

People with social anxiety have problems when they are with other people, but the problem gets drastically worse when they are around more and more people. I remember being in high school, and in the 5-10 minutes before class would begin/end and everyone was talking, I would often have the sensation I couldn't say or do anything because part of my mind would be listening to more than one person at a time, and the other part of my mind would be too nervous to join a conversation even though there were multiple ones going on around me.

When you say that you "say just enough to not seem totally unresponsive", this is another way people subconsciously cope with social anxiety. I have gone through this countless times myself. Other people who befriended me in life at one point were literally appalled at how bad my social anxiety was at the time. I could go into great detail explaining this but I will choose not to.

I also would have problems bringing up stuff, over-thinking when to bring something up or what to say, how to say it, etc. - the second you stop thinking about it and just do it, all of this stops being a problem. It's hard to realize this when you're experiencing social anxiety though.

When you say "fuck meds", is this because you don't want to be on medication? I think if you were on the right medication, you would be astonished at how well it could work for you, and then you wouldn't be opposed to medication.

Smoking cigarettes can increase your anxiety. Allegedly (IMO I think it varies person to person) cannabis can also compound/worsen social anxiety/depression. I think that, if anything, taking a short break couldn't hurt to try to ascertain if it's either helping or hurting, or neutral.
 
I've tried it. Made my face hot. Hated it. Anit-d's. Lexa. Put me in a worse place. If i got this way without taking any meds through just the stresses of life i can come out of it by dealing with them.
 
When i try n just do it. N forget the thinking about it. Thats when i feel i come off as inappropriate or some kind of ass clown. N when i try to be respectful im a pussy as bitch. Soft n too gentle for any other guy to ever respect me. Which i need to make some damn friends. The balance is fucking retarded. I use to feel older when i was younger. N now that im an "adult" i feel immature and inexperienced. I felt more experienced when i was 16 shit
 
Recreationally ya and it rly was a great experience. But thats dependency man cmon....
 
It sucks feeling this way...I know from experience.

You have tried one type of anti-depressant? There are so many and what works for one may not do shit for someone else. I know you probably don't want to spend a lot of time trying different ones, but hey what do you have to lose? Doesn't sound like you are busy with much else. Some of them work great for both anxiety and depression as they often go hand in hand.

Meds aren't the only answer but the right one might give you that motivation to start doing the other thingss. Then when you start doing other things you will probably feel much better.

Depression runs in such a cycle, you don't feel like doing anything but staying in bed and staying in bed makes you feel more depressed!
 
Psycho.nova said:
Recreationally ya and it rly was a great experience. But thats dependency man cmon....
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Ummm...using them for a legitimate medical reason is a lot different than using them recreationally. You just need to make sure you take them like you are supposed to.
(Of course unless you KNOW it will be a problem to take them correctly)
 
Have you considered talking with a psychiatrist or therapist? It might help you figure a way out of this rut you're in. I need to do this myself when I get insurance to cover it. Shit, I can't even find a job. It sucks for me too because the longer I sit around with nothing to do, the more depressed I feel.
 
also i have to add im with you about meds being a cop-out, unless you are an extreme case for depression/social anxiety which it doesnt sound like

and the past week i have stopped smoking weed and it has improved my mood and confidence ALOT, weed abuse often leads to greater anxiety and depression if you are already susceptible to those things

you could still blaze once a week on a sunday i guess but if you are smoking 5-6 times a day like I do when im in stoner mode it does nothing for my motivation and outlook on life.

ive been down the anti-depressant road as well and imho, i would only suggest someone take them if they are seriously considering suicide
benzos are worse than heroin in terms of withdrawal and long term side-effects you are right in avoiding using them for more than 1-2 weeks
 
Antihistamines are also good for social anxiety. I am not saying that you should use a drug to deal with social anxiety at all. Therapy is recommended above anything else.

I'm just saying, in the mean time, using small-ish doses of an antihistamine could help with social anxiety, and anti-histamines aren't reinforcing/rewarding, so you won't have to worry about getting addicted.

Abusing benzodiazepines only causes you to have worse anxiety, so it's good that you're avoiding benzodiazepines if you at one point had a problem with them.

It's also possible that your anxiety is being exacerbated (possibly even caused) by something else, like a thyroid condition, or high blood pressure. Have you had a doctor rule out physical-based causes of your anxiety?
 
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