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I'm a Bluelight toddler for sure!

D

Deleted member 426963

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2016
Messages
10
Location
NC
I've used your awesome site so many times but have never joined. My biggest fear is I will do something wrong and thus be put in the proverbial naughty corner, and unable to access the info I need and know I won't be able to find anywhere else. I guess that's why I've never joined. I've read all the rules, twice.

Yes, I was always the teacher's pet. Little miss goody-two-shoes, but deep down, I just don't want to disappoint anybody; especially members of this site whom I deeply respect. I will go to the end of the Earth to avoid confrontation. So, if someone wants to argue with me, straight up, you will win.

About me: I was a math teacher but got very sick mid way through my career and am now on disability. I'm dependent on many high powered meds and have a wonderful pain management doctor with a lot of support. I'm 49, have 4 children (3 are out of the nest), and one wonderful husband. Life would be wonderful if I wasn't in pain all the time.

I look forward to being an official bluelighter but indeed, I am a toddler in all senses on this site so please bare with me. Maybe one day I will be able to contribute something worthwhile. That's my goal:)
 
Last edited:
Herbavore, ooooo Internet troll. That's me!

I just took a quick tour of the forum you recommended, and wow!, that group seems tailor made for me. I started my medication regimen so innocently. I'd never had more than a Percocet before I got sick and then bam, after a 3 month hospital stay and two months in a live-in physical rehab center, I exited on dilaudid tabs, dilaudid injections, Opana, and a host of other toxins. A year later I wasn't taking my meds exactly "as directed". I went from little miss follow all rules to a very bad girl in my eyes. The guilt sent me to some very dark places many times and I deal with a lot of mental illness as a result as I know many of us have.

I have such respect for anyone dealing with chronic pain. It rocked my life and spit me out. I will never judge anyone ever again. I do get all my meds from pharmacies prescribed by very well respected neurologists, but I'm no different from someone getting pharmaceuticals on the streets because they are in pain and have no other way to access the meds they may need. The only difference between them and me is our supplier.

Thank you for your kind words!
 
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