I'll never be the same again. I can tell you for sure.

[deadendgame]

Yeah. So I'm a 25 year old schizophrenic drug addict. The story goes like this. I took a pill of adderall and I liked it. When I was on it, everything was fun. I could study, play video games, watch movies, and jack off. This went on for many months until my tolerance shot so high that it's almost the LD50. I only get one bottle of adderall and that's it. This poses a problem for me as I get depleted of supply really quickly. So I call up my best friend and she hooked me up with meth. So I smoked crystal meth with my buddies and I suddenly realized that my friend is really hot. I wanted to fuck her but I decided to keep it in my pants. The drug dealer suddenly became the most attractive lady I have ever seen. I experienced true happiness for once in my miserable life. Meth makes me really happy. I really loved smoking crystal meth and being with people who like what I like. The next couple of months were the shittiest month of my goddam life. The only substitute I have is caffeine and nicotine and yeah that helps, sort of. My parents found out about this shit and they want to kick me out of the house and family. Even the slightest thought of drug makes them fear and angry. Yeah, we're Asian, and I don't know how Asians do, but clearly they do not want me to be happy. So what they did was a little bit fucked up. I can't use the vehicle, I can't get adderall or even OTC, I lost all my privacy privileges as my parents look through my texts, i can't even see my doctor cuz they're afraid she might deal me drugs, and one more violation and I'm homeless. Like I have a fucking tumor on my chest and my mom won't even let me see my GP. Anyways, my point is happiness was an emotion I used to have. Like I can do what I do, but I get no enjoyment out of it. I can't jack off, I'm sucking at the video games, movies are boring as hell, and I don't give a shit about my friends. Am I asexual? Like when I'm talking to a friend and they tell me how good their day was and aced their test, like who gives a shit? I only pretend to care so I can maintain that relationship with that person. Yeah, so life is still going on, but I can no longer feel happiness no more, but I'm too pussy to kill myself. This is some kind of living hell. I need to kill myself because if I die, the sadness is gonna metastisize to my entire social network, but these people who didn't give a damn about me when I was alive suddenly start caring. Why are people so selfish? So, should I just wait until I die? No. I am determined to get that drug again because it is the only thing that can bring me happiness. Meth is like my anti-cancer medication. I need remeron to sleep but the doctor is not giving it to me cuz he thinks I'll abuse it. My social worker is a useless POS that just sitting there telling me to not do drugs. Yeah, my life could get worse I guess, but clearly my life can't get any better.

 

[RedRum OG]

That really sucks man. All my Asian friends have very similar sounding parents. Very
intense and traditional. You are dealing with withdrawals or PAWS. Which on top of your usual depression makes things very hard. Try to get help and talk with people. Try to exercise, it works wonders.. I feel for you man. But there are great people on this site and can give you much better support than I.