gothfaery3
Bluelighter
8/15
Its weird
How i sit here she adds
Acting as if i am someone special or someone to be looked at. Acting as if I actually enjoy the coffee that I drink or the window that I sit in. I like the attention
That is what she says
This keyboard is hard to type on. Keys, small, like teeth or buttons or nails. She wishes he were here
She wishes he were here forver. She wishes for him to never leave and to linger like the smell of her apartment on his clothes lingers forever
She wishes he were never to leave. She scolds these selfish thoughts. She knows it is what is best for him and for her but she wants him to lay by her side forever.
Tan on white. Large on small. Feet and hands and belly. One.
She wishes for forever.
I miss him already. The sky is blue like I am lost. A touch so soft. A feel to genuine. She misses his thoughts, as she is able to feel them in her head more really then his thoughts in his own head. Forever is a long time
Do you long for nothing
Nothing in the world
Everything
What do you want?
Everything he says.
You he says
I want you he says.
As if he knows who I am he asks me to give my all to him. I wish to be able to oblige this but I cannot. I cannot give everything. She cannot give herself. That is a lot to ask of a silly girl. I am a silly girl. She is a silly girl.
Sometimes I wonder if she thinks at all. People wonder what she thinks of
So many people. They wear colors that are unreal. They walk in shoes that are not made for human feet and serve no function but to add many inches. As if a woman’s entire purpose were the height of the shoes she is able to walk in. I am less of a woman like that she always wears flats like I always wear flats. She wears what I wear isnt that odd she thinks isnt that odd.
We are so alike in this way but so different he says. Like I don’t want us to be different. Like she cares. She doesnt care about what he wants her to be.
She is everything he wants her to be. She knows it.
I have loved you for three years.
I have loved you for three years
I have loves you since the day I first saw you
Life is weird like that. I want to know now. What? What the plan is. What if there isnt a plan? There must be a plan. I don’t want this anymore if there isnt a plan.
Why now. Why now when the everything is changing and she is a grain of sand in this world. Why now do you love me for three years and do you love me since the day you saw her why not tommorow. Yesterday. Why not yesterday it would have been better then. But now I lay here next to you knowing seconds are ticking by and I wish for just a few more to stare into those eyes. She lays there next to you tracing your line with her small hands while the seconds tick by. They wont be back but she is a happier person knowing you. Your hair is like wine to the thirst her hands have begun to exhibit and they drink you knowing that, while maybe far, there will always be more where that came from. Tan and white she cannot ever be better but always is worse but is less of that because of him.
I could write pages for you of you and on you. I wish I could write this on you so you would have it forever but instead I write it on me. On the inside of me. Wanting for you to ask her how she really feels. I wait for you to ask her this and I scream from inside her head please please please ask me this.
I want for nothing more then to love you and now I feel like the woman. This gives me stilettos.
She wants for your happiness. She wants for nothing then for you to never be afraid. I want for you to never be alone. And I will travel a thousand miles if you feel cold at night and I will walk across the world to be your shoulder to cry on and I will swim through an ocean of your tears if it will make you smile and all you have to do is ask for her. Just ask for me and I will chase away anything that scares you because I am stronger then you ever thought imaginable. I may be unable to fix your heart and mend your mind but I can do whatever you ask and whatever you need she will try. She will try for you.
How can she be so strong for you but so weak for herself she wonders. Years of them still has not fixed her. Wars her mind has raged on her spirit still continue but she can somehow still be everything for him. Its things like that that people don’t understand about her. How she can be so together but so alone in her head. Like half of a person. Half of a mind. AloneAloneAlone
Her childhood is what she misses the most but its not the years of drugs that have taken that away but a father that doesnt know whats best for his daughter and never grew into a man old enough to know whats best for himself.
He has done everything I have ever wanted to do. The travel the possessions and then life. She has everything she ever wished for but still he needs more and she knows why. She knows because she has been there. Fear cannot be hid by key largo and sadness cannot be brushed off by cars. Or books. Or anything worth money. Fear is banished by trust. Sadness is banished by love.
She will miss you when you’re gone.
I will miss you when you’re gone.
I like you because you are different. Different then who he says then everyone she responds.
I like you because you do not care. Of what she asks of nothing he says. You do not care about anything... if you only knew she thinks if you only knew.
~~~~
Im sure that makes no sense to anyone...it ws written for my boyfriend who left for school today. I just havnt written in a while and I thought i should post something.
Its weird
How i sit here she adds
Acting as if i am someone special or someone to be looked at. Acting as if I actually enjoy the coffee that I drink or the window that I sit in. I like the attention
That is what she says
This keyboard is hard to type on. Keys, small, like teeth or buttons or nails. She wishes he were here
She wishes he were here forver. She wishes for him to never leave and to linger like the smell of her apartment on his clothes lingers forever
She wishes he were never to leave. She scolds these selfish thoughts. She knows it is what is best for him and for her but she wants him to lay by her side forever.
Tan on white. Large on small. Feet and hands and belly. One.
She wishes for forever.
I miss him already. The sky is blue like I am lost. A touch so soft. A feel to genuine. She misses his thoughts, as she is able to feel them in her head more really then his thoughts in his own head. Forever is a long time
Do you long for nothing
Nothing in the world
Everything
What do you want?
Everything he says.
You he says
I want you he says.
As if he knows who I am he asks me to give my all to him. I wish to be able to oblige this but I cannot. I cannot give everything. She cannot give herself. That is a lot to ask of a silly girl. I am a silly girl. She is a silly girl.
Sometimes I wonder if she thinks at all. People wonder what she thinks of
So many people. They wear colors that are unreal. They walk in shoes that are not made for human feet and serve no function but to add many inches. As if a woman’s entire purpose were the height of the shoes she is able to walk in. I am less of a woman like that she always wears flats like I always wear flats. She wears what I wear isnt that odd she thinks isnt that odd.
We are so alike in this way but so different he says. Like I don’t want us to be different. Like she cares. She doesnt care about what he wants her to be.
She is everything he wants her to be. She knows it.
I have loved you for three years.
I have loved you for three years
I have loves you since the day I first saw you
Life is weird like that. I want to know now. What? What the plan is. What if there isnt a plan? There must be a plan. I don’t want this anymore if there isnt a plan.
Why now. Why now when the everything is changing and she is a grain of sand in this world. Why now do you love me for three years and do you love me since the day you saw her why not tommorow. Yesterday. Why not yesterday it would have been better then. But now I lay here next to you knowing seconds are ticking by and I wish for just a few more to stare into those eyes. She lays there next to you tracing your line with her small hands while the seconds tick by. They wont be back but she is a happier person knowing you. Your hair is like wine to the thirst her hands have begun to exhibit and they drink you knowing that, while maybe far, there will always be more where that came from. Tan and white she cannot ever be better but always is worse but is less of that because of him.
I could write pages for you of you and on you. I wish I could write this on you so you would have it forever but instead I write it on me. On the inside of me. Wanting for you to ask her how she really feels. I wait for you to ask her this and I scream from inside her head please please please ask me this.
I want for nothing more then to love you and now I feel like the woman. This gives me stilettos.
She wants for your happiness. She wants for nothing then for you to never be afraid. I want for you to never be alone. And I will travel a thousand miles if you feel cold at night and I will walk across the world to be your shoulder to cry on and I will swim through an ocean of your tears if it will make you smile and all you have to do is ask for her. Just ask for me and I will chase away anything that scares you because I am stronger then you ever thought imaginable. I may be unable to fix your heart and mend your mind but I can do whatever you ask and whatever you need she will try. She will try for you.
How can she be so strong for you but so weak for herself she wonders. Years of them still has not fixed her. Wars her mind has raged on her spirit still continue but she can somehow still be everything for him. Its things like that that people don’t understand about her. How she can be so together but so alone in her head. Like half of a person. Half of a mind. AloneAloneAlone
Her childhood is what she misses the most but its not the years of drugs that have taken that away but a father that doesnt know whats best for his daughter and never grew into a man old enough to know whats best for himself.
He has done everything I have ever wanted to do. The travel the possessions and then life. She has everything she ever wished for but still he needs more and she knows why. She knows because she has been there. Fear cannot be hid by key largo and sadness cannot be brushed off by cars. Or books. Or anything worth money. Fear is banished by trust. Sadness is banished by love.
She will miss you when you’re gone.
I will miss you when you’re gone.
I like you because you are different. Different then who he says then everyone she responds.
I like you because you do not care. Of what she asks of nothing he says. You do not care about anything... if you only knew she thinks if you only knew.
~~~~
Im sure that makes no sense to anyone...it ws written for my boyfriend who left for school today. I just havnt written in a while and I thought i should post something.
