if only you knew

[lightarainbow]

sometimes i wonder why i keep holding on to this dream that was once reality but drifted far away.
I stand here all alone and feeling empty inside not knowing which way to turn. I've tried to pick up the pieces and move on, but to this day it's still so hard.
I'll still never forget the first nite we met. We
talked for hours and that whole ride home after the club I have never felt so happy. You gave off an energy like iv'e never felt before and I never felt so connected to someone in my whole life. I want to thank you for the best 2 years of my life, It felt so good to love and be loved like that. But people change, feelings change and you decided to move on.
So here we are 1 year later, we have became the best of friends, and i am happy with that but sometimes it's just so hard. we both had our share of relationships since then, but nothing compares to what i shared with you. I could be having the worst day, and just hearing your voice puts my mind at ease and makes it all go away.
why can't things be different? why can't you still love me like i love you? why can't it be that easy? why can't you come running back into my arms.
instead i listen to you talk of other girls, and i just hide behind a smile and laugh it off and pretend it doesn't bother me. Then when things don't work out i have to hear how you will never find the right person and how bad you wish you would just find the right person already.
Then there's the nites since we broke up that we've spent together. I tell myself over and over again i won't let myself get hurt, only to find myself sleeping on tear- stained pillows nites later. i could tell myself i won't let it happen again but i know it's a lie. A part of me wishes i could tell you how i still feel about you, but i wouldn't want to risk the friendship. i really don't know what to do anymore.....sometimes i wish you only knew.

 

[E-girl]

the first thing that drew me to your post was your screenname... "Light a Rainbow" by Tukan is one of my favorite songs. X-dream, who is one of my favorite dj's always used to spin that song at Space, every time i saw him. anyways, i digress.
it's funny how sometimes i come on here and read a story, and it could be telling the story of my life, word for word. i met my ex-fiance at a club and it was in that same club that i finally fell really hard for him. some of my favorite memories of him are at that club, when he was loving me, and things were good. we were engaged for 2 years, and he ended up leaving because suddenly, me, this girl that he chased for so long, was not enough. he wasn't ready to grow up, and his promises weren't strong enough... he needed to be adored by every other girl on the planet or he wasn't happy. we stayed friends like we promised we would before we ever got together, but of course, it was never the same. and it's been almost 2 years now, and i have a new guy i love and he has probably been with half the country by now, and when we do talk, we say we're good, we're great -- but one of us always leaves tearful, or nostalgic (usually me, or else he just passes it off really well).
i do have a point. i think there is one person in each of our lives, that we not necessarily end up with, but that graces our lives at some point in time and creates this bond with us that we never really get over. i think there is one person that our heart always returns to, without fail. one person we always subconsciously go back to. i really do believe that. i think he is that person for me. when i'm really happy about something, i cant wait to write him an email. when i'm depressed about something, he's the one i always seem to sit and spill it to. we havent seen each other in well over a year, the phone calls have stopped, i dont even know where he lives these days... but every few weeks when i get that email from him, time stops for me, and i'm filled with this certain peace, just reading those words. and i know that he is that one person, whose bond i can never seem to break from.
you should be happy you have found that person. and if you dont have that person the way you want to right now, you have to believe there is a reason for it. but you should be happy that you'll always be the one his heart returns to. take solace in those feelings.