Idle Ramblings!

[haste]

Isn’t it amazing how a pill can change your life, or more to the point how it can change your perceptions that ultimately will have an impact on your life. This wonderful pill of ours has had a great impact on me in many ways – it has opened me up to many things that I was not aware of. I am new to the scene and maybe these ramblings you’ve all heard before – but it’s something I’m letting out more for myself than anything I guess.
Our ultimate goal in life is to make ourselves happy – we employ many means to achieve this goal – some successful others not, and so our experimental nature is born. Ultimate happiness for many is deeply embedded within the secret of life, and the secret to life is? For many this becomes a complex question and its here were many people will turn to institutions such as religion for guidance. Religion I have tried, while for many it posses the answers they seek, for me it did not unlock many mysteries but did help me broaden my mind. Recently I have delved further into many teachings, such a Buddhism that has helped me understand many things within myself. So the secret to life is? Well I believe it is different for everyone but for me it boils down to one simple thing – being content

Being content you ask? Can it be so simple, well contentment is not an easy thing to obtain itself. I do believe that contentment does lead to happiness and therefore worth obtaining. Society teaches us through many medians (i.e. TV, Magazines, Clubs, Friends, Education etc) that there are certain goals we need to achieve certain paths we need to follow. It’s this that I believe causes allot of our unhappiness, goals that we think we have to achieve and until we achieve them we are not truly satisfied. This is the point were I had reached and it was eating me inside, until I got to that socially acceptable point for my age I was not going to be happy. The catch 22 was that I didn’t like those points were all my friends were, it wasn’t me, but yet it was eating at me. I wanted it but I didn’t.
The night I dropped my first pill opened my mind and spirit and I explored areas I never knew existed. Deep within I looked, who I was, what I had, where I was going, what I wanted. This continued through into the next day, and I know many people might not like being scattered, I actually enjoyed it on this occasion. I realised many things that day. My divorce has always eaten me up, but I broke it down and realised that my pain was not seeing my son everyday, having the privilege that so many parent take for granted. I know understand the important thing for me is not how much I don’t have him, but making the most of the time I do. I also realised that material things mean nothing to me but what is important is friends – the people around me is what makes me happy – and that includes all the new Bluelighter friends I have made. I looked at what I had, put it into perspective – shit what isn’t there to be happy about, sure there are many things I would like to have, but I can easily live without them and therefore they do not rule my life.
Anyway I have rambled enough shit, thanks for listening

In the end this my thankyou to Bluelight, without it and it's support I would never have dropped in the first place. I owe my new found understanding and happiness to you all!!
Hugzz to you all

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"Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on" - Billy Connolly

 

[MíkeySåmmy]

i had a similar situation, taking e for the first time got me over an ex-girlfriend of 2 years that i was taking ages to get over. that night i remember myself crapping on to my friend about the fact that i couldnt care less about her and what do i need her for and so on..

haste, you said yourself, "on my dying death bed - I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I haven't". so good for you. keep that in mind, have fun, surround yourself with people that have love to give and recieve, party hard but in moderation, and things will be ok. you dont owe your happiness, as happiness comes from within. bluelighters and other warm people are just there to help.

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"I got the tarzan and jane of jungle just swung in on the vine this morning."

 

[BigTrancer]

That's really touching Haste

Love to hear it!!
My only comment is how good it is to see that you have found so much enjoyment in yourself and your life, catalysed by e. The pills are fun, but the longterm enjoyment obviously comes from your emotional awakening and the realisation that there are other forms of joy to be had from life. Once the roll is over, you still have so much to smile about

BigTrancer

 

[haste]

thanks guys

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"Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on" - Billy Connolly

 

[sunni]

i'm very happy for you, haste.
hooray for the things that help us become the people we want to be & hooray for us when we get there.
ps. your ramblings are far from idle.
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to the crazy person, the normal one is insane

 

[haste]

ok - there's already a post on the bad expereinces you've had, just wondering what your most memorable experience is - or how E has affected you or made an impact in your life

 

[Tarsarlan]

I don't have anything specific to post at the moment, only because it would take to long to put it all down and I've gotta get outta here in a few mins...
Something that always makes me take a step back and say to myself "Woah!" is when I meet someone in a club or a party, talk to them for a few minutes, and then for the rest of the night we're acting as if we've been friends for years... The familiaraity (sp?) always catches me by surprise...
*logs out and runs out the building*
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Common Sense isn't all that common

 

[haste]

What I'm about to say is not going to go down to well with a lot of people - but as always with haste - the truth must be told.
Over the past months I have seen Bluelight develop at an increasing rate, the Aussie sections now becoming a major part of Bluelight itself. The amount of new bluelighters joining the ranks is incredible, and when you have a shot memory like mine, you get yourself into trouble

Before I go on, please note that this is not a direct attack on anyone, it is just haste rambling on, just as the thread states. For those who know me, I have a habit of doing this - stop laughing sunflower

With everything we do in life, no matter how non-conformist we like to think ourselves, we are eventually slotted into many sub socities/groups. It is human nature to be wanted, loved, respected and to be heard - it's these basic needs that sets us on a search to find a place in society. A group of people with similiar interests as ours, people that will respect us for who we are and what we believe. Something that will give us direction, something that will steer us in the right path, and something that will give us purpose for the present. Many times during the course of one's life, we will shift from group to group to satisfy our changing needs.
We look in many places for such havens of acceptability, many find it on online communites. Communities such as Bluelught - bound together by the ever increasing need to build awareness of MDMA, drugs in general and the rave scene. Bound together by the social aspect that has developed during the course of time. This is all fine and well, and very special to find - but one has to face reality and keep one's feet on the ground. I have sensed through many threads that it is believed that Bluelight has this majic auroa, and majic power to transform people, to bring all walks of life together in peace and harmony. To a great extent this is true, and truely special experience that it is.
For me though, however special it is to me, it is a bulletin board made up of a variety of people from a variety of areas, a variety of interests, and a variety beliefs. I sense in many posts a tension to conform, a fear to speak out against the norm. Bluelight, like many other forms of social groups, has it's own boundaries and beliefs that can force people to conform. To sacrafice their own beliefs in order to fit in, or in fear of being seen as an outcast. All groups require structure and boundaries, it's these things that keep a group of people together that eventually form a social group. Each social group has it's own group dynamics that it must tend to. Bluelight is far from perfect and I have come to realise this - yes I have spoken against the holy grail - but it's my deepest concern and passion for Bluelight that won't let me shut up.
I try as a moderator to welcome people and express to them that their thoughts, beliefs and ideals are very welcome here. That they should not hold back in fear their opnions, no matter how different they are to the mainstream. On many occasions I have gone down the path myself of being judgemental, and I hate myself for it. Who am I to say whats right and whats wrong - everyone is entitled to a voice no matter what I think.
In the end I guess I am trying to say that Bluelight is not perfect and neither are we - we all have flaws and weaknesses. Suddenly having the titles Greenlighter/Bluelighter/ Moderator/Administrator does not make you into this all accepting, all forgiving saint - nor should it make you sacrafice your own beliefs in order to fit the title. And nor should you think that you know it all - we all can learn from each other. I just hope people, me included, can realise that we need to be more open, more accepting to people's thoughts, and giving them respect for who they are. Lets encourage free thought and not let people feel discouraged in fear of being flamed. Lets understand that none of us are perfect and like any relationship it needs to be worked on - repect should be earned based on human conviction and spirit. I applaud all those people that have stood by their beliefs and not backed down, and I encourage, no beg, any bluelighters to speak out and express their views. Even in a thread of 100 posts or more that all suppport the same argument - if you do not agree, or believe otherwise, speak up and be counted. To me, I give you more respect than any person who posts just for the sake of conforming. Bring back free speech and lets be open minded people that encourage mental stimulation.
I have been lucky enough in the past couple of months to have had some-one special to me that has made me realise alot of my faults. I have progressed so much as a person that I know would not have been possible without such a loving and caring spirit - thank you for entering my life

Once again I have come to the conclusion of another rambling session and I thank you all for your time and patience

hastey

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Sucker love is known to swing. Prone to cling and waste these things. Pucker up for heavens sake. There's never been so much at stake.
[This message has been edited by haste (edited 28 October 2000).]

 

[Miss Peks]

Haste I couldn't agree with you more. I have been sensing for a while that there are some BL'ters that are afraid to speak out their views for fear of being flamed. Such as on the Will E Tell discussion, (please don't kill me for bringing that up again).
Just think about this. Although we should think before we speak, we also have the right to our own opinions. Don't act like sheep.
If we all liked the same things and we all talked alike and looked alike and did the same things then this world would be a pretty boring place.

 

[br(e)tt]

Here here haste, well written. *passes you a beer* (or should that be a bourbon)

 

[Mr. Horse]

totally agree. Bluelight has gotton boring since people have "gone quiet". Speak up, tell us your thoughts, and dont be scared of other peoples opinions. The internet should be a place where free-speech flourishes. Be daring, be new, and BE AFRAID!! haha.
Well said Haste

 

[*sunflower *]

what a amazingly open and honest message hastey .... also, really important what you said about people saying what they believe, a persons individual beliefs and values are so important, no one should have to sacrifice that for the sake of other peoples opinions ......
and people are very different, but this is a good thing! i love that we live in a world of different cultures, ages, beliefs, shapes and sizes ... this means we can learn something from other people and hopefully become more tolerant and open minded.
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~peace out~
[This message has been edited by *sunflower * (edited 29 October 2000).]

 

[Dustoff]

ideally, bluelight is a place where all ideas and beliefs are accepted, everyone and there own opinion are encouraged to be heard without the fear of retribution, and i applaude everyone for this, however:
what about the basic human nature of conflict, what if i want to scream and yell and stir up some shit. Now im not saying that i want to do this, but it is a part of everyone, no matter how small a part, and i dont know where im going with this thought, so im going to stop...........now!

 

[haste]

Stirring up shit at the expense of others because it is within your nature is a poor excuse - especially if the person you have flamed has nothing to do with it. We all have our own personal problems that we have everyday, but to use it as an excuse is pretty pitiful. As humans we are often angered and we say many things at the spur of the momment. I think we are all guilty of going off at people verbally and feeling like shit later. But on the net, especially on a bulletin board we can afford the luxury of stoping and thinking things through. Remember that all the people on this board have feelings, and all will be going through their own issues - the last thing some-one needs is to be flamed because it is within your nature, or because you are having a bad day. Put yourself in their shoes and see if you like it. In the end, it all boils down to having a go at a person for having an opnion, don't like it, state your case calmly and rationaly - there is nothing wrong with a good debate. If your having a shit day and something someone has posted has angered you, then walk away and answer back when you are more calm - that way you can avoid looking like a dipstick in the end.
Another rambling brought to you by hastey

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Sucker love is known to swing. Prone to cling and waste these things. Pucker up for heavens sake. There's never been so much at stake.
[This message has been edited by haste (edited 30 October 2000).]

 

[yaytima]

i agree haste,
if something or someone's been pissing you off, sit back for a while and calm down a bit...or better yet, write whatever you want to say to this person down, but for god's sake *DON'T SEND IT*. Once you've gotten whatever it is off your chest, save it to your desktop or wherever, feel better for having gotten something off your chest, and go away and leave it until you've totally calmed down.
That's my way of doing things lately. The amount of times i've come back, reread what i've written, and thought to myself 'thank fuck you didn't send that YaytIma, everyone would have thought you were a crazy bitch' (which i am, of course) isn't that many, but it's saved me from looking like a real pleb. Not just on BL, but in everyday stuff as well.
yay
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~"And I said, 'That last thing is what you can't get, Carlo. Nobody can get to that last thing. We keep on living in hopes of catching it once for all.'" Sal Paradise, On The Road~

 

[Voodoo Chile]

I agree with everything you have said haste - especially about talking up when you dont agree.
I have to say though, that a lot of the time the reasons that people may not write what they feel, or go against 'the norm' is due to the people in 'power' being the ones who shoot them down.
When I first came to Bluelight I lurked for ages, never having the guts to post anything. I finally got the gumption to put down something I thought, and after my first post, I was told by the then moderator, that what I had said was the stupidist thing he had ever heard. What I had written was jusst my personal beliefs - it wasnt drug misinformation or anything like that.
It kind of made me wary of posting my beliefs, as it took me so long to write something as it was, and then I got shot down for it.
So people, please be careful when replying to others. You may not agree, but lets be constructive - not destructive.
Luv Voodoo

 

[haste]

I'm sorry to hear that, but I am also glad that you have built the courage to express your feelings on Bluelight. Being a Moderator/Administrator does not mean you are right, and it does not mean we know everything - it means we are a bunch of people dedicated to this board with extra admin powers, nothing more, nothing less. Granted these people have also been chosen for their extra knowledge and maturity, but there is also plenty of Bluelighters with the same skills. Eveyone should be equal here and teated in the same respect.
Keep expressing your thoughts!!!

[This message has been edited by haste (edited 30 October 2000).]

 

[Finn]

I agree with everything you have said Haste. You're such a wise old soul

Voods, I was a lurker for ages too. I was terrified that my first post was going to be ripped to shreds. It wasn't fortunately but I did receive a few comments about my second post.. That was pretty traumatising but I got over it.
I think Yaytima's suggestion is a great idea. I have done this myself a few times now. It has served me well, especially since becoming a moderator.
A little bit of perspective really does make things seem different.
Anyway, here's to more idle hastey ramblings!
Finn

 

[SchlinkY]

This is the sort of wise , intelligent discussion that brings me back to bluelight to validate my own experience and beliefs, not even that they should need it , but it is good to know you are not alone.....

 

[Mr. Horse]

OK....
now, I DO agree with everything thats been said here, but I do have to add my 3 gumboots.
You cant all be so delecate. Bluelight isnt about prancing around, telling everybody how beautiful and lovely they are. Yes, we are all friends, and friends fight. In a way Dustoff is right. Although it is a cop out to say it is human nature, he does have a point. If someone rubs you up the wrong way, then of course you are going to defend yourself and if it comes across a little edgy, then I think we all have to accept it. Yaytima, that is a really good suggestion, and I have done it many times, especially with the good ol "big fight with the G/F, lets send her a nasty email" thank god I didnt send half of them.

I just dont think we should have to ponce around here being ultra ultra careful of what we say, unless its what everyone wants to here. Isnt this going against the very grains of what this thread is about??
I agree with the fact that flaming gets you no-where, hell, you've all read my internet ettiquete, but when it gets to the point where peoples opinions and beliefs are surpressed because they may come across as being insulting, then we need to re-evaluate.
I just dont think we need to be so careful in what we write. We are all adults, and I think we can take a bit of abuse everynow and then, it will make you a stronger person

This of course doesnt mean I warrant unnecisary flaming, i'm just saying that if we got a little more tough skinned, we could deal with criticism a bit more.
Unfortunetely the world isnt made of fluffy couches and magical fairies who agree with everything you say.
again, just my 3 gumboots.
- horse

[This message has been edited by Mr. Horse (edited 30 October 2000).]