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TDS I Wish I'd Never Been Born

mrflowers00 said:
i so wish i had never been born cause i would feel guilty to kill myself for what that would cause my loved ones idk if you can ever get fully over it but you just have to try to enjoy the little things and keep your head up
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this...
I completely understand man. I could never off myself because I love my family too much, but if somebody offered me the chance to just disappear, I'd take it in a heartbeat. I guess I can blame the dysthymia.. but personally I've found that, although life feels so empty most of the time, it's best to live for the little moments.. the ones that make you happy. But I really can completely sympathize with this.

You didn't mention anything, but are you on any anti-depressants? I'm on prozac and Wellbutrin. I've tried multiple SSRI's and I can't say many of them have had any noticeable effect on me.. but the Wellbutrin has actually helped dramatically. Stay strong my friend.. therapy has also helped me a lot. Don't give up man, we're all here for you.
 
I feel like this at least once a day. When I asked my boss to let me off early sometimes to see a shrink he literally couldn't believe I was having trouble. I was 'morale in a box' as he put it. You are so much more than your feelings - your despair, anxiouness etc. Think of how you can excel at something when all this shits in the backround - that's not just you pushing it away, you're just using you consciouness in it's totality. Just try to step back from them that vortex of thoughts whenever you can and realise that you're totally in a position of control.
I know your family love you, but that's not enough of a reason to keep living. You need to kepp living because this is for you! Nobody else can live it. Make it yours.

Wishing you the absolute lbest.
Buffalo.
 
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Bob Loblaw said:
I really appreciate it, you guise.

These replies mean more to me than you will ever know <3.




^I seem happy in that thread because that's the only time I am happy :\.




If I gave up on everyone who disappointed me 3 times then I would have literally no one in my life, except maybe my grandparents.


It's so tempting to do something "stupid" tonight, but I'm not going to. It's just tempting.

I'll be all right


:(
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See man, it does help a bit, for now you gotta lap up the 1% 'ers if you like ! Lets us know how you're doing though bud and for sure if your head gets in that horrid dark place, talk to us on here. :)
 
China Rider said:
you're a 'kid' you're not supposed to know what you want out of life and you probably won't until you're into your 30s
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This is a big one. A huge part of recovering for me was simply getting a little bit older. I didn't really believe it before, but my 30s are shaping up to be much more enjoyable than my 20s.

There's no need to feel ashamed in making this thread. We all need a little help sometimes and reaching out like this is a reassurance to yourself that you're ready for some changes.
 
spork said:
This is a big one. A huge part of recovering for me was simply getting a little bit older. I didn't really believe it before, but my 30s are shaping up to be much more enjoyable than my 20s.

There's no need to feel ashamed in making this thread. We all need a little help sometimes and reaching out like this is a reassurance to yourself that you're ready for some changes.
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yeah,me too.my 20s were hell on wheels,first 7 years of 30s fucking miserable.
just now,almost 40,my depression is starting to lift.
getting older seems to work for some of us.

OP,hold on,man,you'll never regret the fight when you look back
in 6 months going "Goddamn!".
 
I feel you and feel the same way lately however, do whatever you can to stay alive and healthy. Find other ways to comfort yourself and don't beat yourself up either.

You are Loved and not alone.
 
I often times find myself miserable. I've wished for death and tried once. Now I make a gratitude list. Sit and really think about the things you should be grateful for...and slowly as you add to the list reflect on each item.

In my life right now I'm constantly running faster to stay in the same place....if I didn't have my gratitude list I'd probably end it.
 
Asclepius said:
I swear this resonates with me, for MANY reasons.

Partly cause I felt like that a few days ago, partly because I used to feel that way very, frequently when I was younger. My arms are still scarred, although I havn't cut myself in years but I went through a long period of slicing and dicing, so much so, that I resemble a patchwork quilt.
Luckily, the 'episodes' of feeling lost and identitylessness aren't as frequent now. It does get better but it does require alot of support and it seems that that is exactly what your doing on here, reaching out for it.


Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you, apart from the fact that you think, there is something wrong with you.
You may have addiction problems, your esteem may be low, you may be insecure.

So fucking what! ;)

No need for 'sorres' hun...If, you didn't doubt yourself and life, from time to time you would be a deluded nutcase.

However, being stuck in blaming yourself for flaws that are only human - IS a problem. That is somethoing you can work your way out of, with support.

I really hope you start to give yourself a break, take some time to take time, to take it easy, get to know who you are - when you are not berating yourself for being 'wrong'.

You can do it, you can come out of this, make it easier for yourself -that's at least what you deserve. Have some heart and understanding for yourself, its the only thing you need to want to do hun. :)

<3
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This is some real gold, right here. This helped me out reading this......just an effin' beautiful response. :D
 
You guys are all wonderful <3.

My mother is coming to visit me today; I'm going to talk to her about seeing a doctor. I think therapy would be better than medication, but that's not an option due to logistics. I don't know what I need, but I can't do this on my own anymore. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago & then it got better. And now it's all coming back, but worse.
 
Bobby, I just started going to a therapist and either he's really good at fooling me or I just really liked him but I felt great leaving there. Just having an hour to be in control and talk about whatever you want is awesome. It really makes you feel great.

<3 Can you look into a low-cost/govt. assistance psychiatrist/therapist? Honestly it took me this long to see one and I finally did and it's been so helpful.
 
Bob Loblaw said:
You guys are all wonderful <3.

My mother is coming to visit me today; I'm going to talk to her about seeing a doctor. I think therapy would be better than medication, but that's not an option due to logistics. I don't know what I need, but I can't do this on my own anymore. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago & then it got better. And now it's all coming back, but worse.
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Best way mate, when shit gets heavy, you need your family/best m8's big time.
Glad you are feeling a little better.
Although forgive me if you are not, you just seem a bit more balanced in your mind, like good perspective.
Which is a good sign to me.


And I agree about booze, if you must drink then no spirits and take your time over a few lagers/beers.
Take it easy bro. <3
 
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Have you done anything you're proud of, or made something? It can be quite difficult to feel that you own anything, or that anything is yours these days - with a house you've got rent and a mortgage. Cars aren't cheap and often require loans. Education costs money and those loans have to be paid back.

I'd suggest trying to do something that is just yours. A simple example would be to build something, whether it's practical, like a piece of furniture, or a sculpture or something like that. It's rewarding to make something that you own and feel proud of, and it might help you to feel that you're important. Work with people and throw yourself into working, studying, voluntary-work, etc. It doesn't really matter what it is because it's less about the result and more about the act of helping people and being needed, as well as exercising your creativity.

Animal shelters and charity shops are obvious choices. You could go overseas and help orphans, too. How about writing or music? You have talents, some you're aware of and some you've not yet discovered. Cooking is great 'cause everyone loves food and it always tastes great. Just take your mind off of it. I know exactly how you feel - we're so numerous and not the least bit unique, so how can we leave any sort of mark upon the world, or create a legacy for people who follow in our footsteps? It's difficult to find an identity these days, but it probably always has been...

Hurting yourself can be cathartic, but ultimately it's more trouble than it's worth. You've nothing to lose.
 
bobby i feel empathetic towards you because i am in a similar situation you are/were. somedays i want to give everything up for that next shot of dope, literally everyday is a grind. it seems like there is no point living on in this misery, but there is hope with abstinence to certain or maybe all drugs.

sounds to me like you are VERY co-dependent. i know this because i am the same way, i look to other people and what they think about me to gauge my happiness. when i have friends and they seem like they like me, i feel happy, but when they all leave me i feel like a piece of shit. i always feel like i am not good enough for other people, so i self sabotage all my relationships so that i maintain control cutting the umbilical cord myself. i yearn for my mother's acceptance with EVERYTHING, and this reality i entertain has really fucked with me. it seems so easy to say just man up and deal with it, but that is so far from the truth. i hold these truths so dear that if you even begin to question them i run away and get high AT you for trying to make my life better.

it is fucked up, but i am really really afraid to be happy WITHOUT any drugs or relationships; i cant and i dont want to be happy without any drugs because that means i have to stop playing the victim and that means i am successful in life. this fear cripples me on a daily basis, i literally will Fuck Everything And Run away as fast a possible.i have a really hard time accepting myself because i make everything about other people (co-dependency), i look to outside cues that i am happy and well. i have no friends in my life right now, i work at one of the shittiest jobs someone could have, i have no apartment, car, and my own family disowned me.

just remember you are not alone in this battle, look at all the people in this thread that came to support you! we have not given up on you even after you gave up on yourself. i know it feels like the war has been lost, but NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF! you are awesome and you are hilarious!

much love,
-laC
 
My mom takes Celexa and says it works very well for her. (she deals with major depression, anxiety, and panic worse than mine as well so I believe it.) She's also taken basically every other one (zoloft, paxil, prozac, wellbutrin) Celexa is her favorite. Be careful not to take anything that's going to interact with it though.
 
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