i will not steal..

[bbgirlclueless]

if your not ready to do anything for the next high and to stay not sick that is a good thing get out while you still feel this way

thanks mrflowers,i am trying.8(

 

[bbgirlclueless]

I don't know how old you are, but your therapy sessions should be confidential from even your parents even if you are under 18 with the rarest of exceptions. You're entitled to your privacy regardless. I hope that you will make the choice to live a life free of addiction. Your future, regardless of your age, is up to you to make.[/QUOTE]

i was sort of ready to tell her i was back on drugs and wanted to quit and needed help,i said 'supposedly' if i were to say that i was taking drugs,would it be confidential,she said 'no,since your parents are the ones who 'brought you in' (i turned 18 two days back..) she'd be lying to them by telling them i wasnt taking anything when they asked,i said fine im not taking anything,she raised an eyebrow,and said there's always a blood test,i felt literally flooded with fear,that if that were to happen how it would hurt my father so...i thought what the fuck,although i love my parents but are you getting paid,and paid so bloody much, to treat me or them? so came again i home unmotivated,and perhaps it was no excuse to start taking drugs again,i did.

 

[bbgirlclueless]

Just a question:

You said the shame makes the anxiety worse. And that you cannot tell your therapist or anyone about your drug problems b/c that'll make it worse. But dont you think the eventual thievery (which I can almost promise you will start when you become sick enough), and the shame that will bring, will long term make things way worse than just fessing up and getting help now?

We all tend to look at the short term. ESPECIALLY when we're doing drugs. I think if you look at the long term, big picture, you'll see this "I deserve to suffer on my own. I cannot ask anyone for help; they dont deserve it. And then they'll find out" giant attitude is going to do you a lot more harm than it will good.

But once again, its kinda hard to see that when youre doing drugs.

While we're all unique, simultaneously: you're not unique. You will not overcome drugs where others have failed. They will fuck your shit up. If you're already aware that you might steal, and scheme, and blah blah blah you've actually got one up on many other people. You're aware of whats starting. Do something with this knowledge. Get help.

As QUASISTONED said: It gets worse with time. Oh how it does get worse. Drugs wont make your life grow to be a beautiful rose; you are not special in this regard. Nip it in the bud.

on a tenth note,since im new to bl,is there a mega thread here that helps people go through the different stages of withdrawal? what i mean is where people can post what they are feeling and the tremendous urge to do what we did and people just....i dont know...say something to make you stop? apart from the dark side?

 

[bbgirlclueless]

my therapist says she cannot hide my drug use from my parents were i to confide in her if id used again,my motivation to quit is to learn to deal without drugs.objectively i feel shes protecting herself since there arnt many people in my town willing to take their kids into therapy,by letting my parents kniw stuff and satisfying them so not to lose me as a customer.she talks more then listens and if she by her will talks 15mns above the alotted hour she will charge another half fee,or if my parents are talking to her after my session is over,she'l charge half of her original fee for that,i sit in the waiting room during these times.last week my parents called her to suggest that perhaps i was using again,talked fir maybe 45 mns at different intervals,she said let me talk to her later,we talked 10 mns,she considered this all a session and charged the usual fee. I emailed her telling i felt completely miserable,told stuff about this n that,she never replied,my parents say she must be a busy woman since she replies to sms a day or two later. I sms'ed her to tell her advance payment had been mailed to her account,she replied in a minute with thanks...is that common practice?

Please sm1 reply about the therapist