fortyandfinished
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2015
- Messages
- 4
Hello-
Firstly, I am neither intoxicated nor diagnosed a clinically depressed- though I know those statements mean very little in the real world. I am a 37 year-old male, 5'5", mostly lean, and I have been in a holding pattern since my early teens. I have taken enough drugs- prescribed or otherwise, seen countless doctors and social workers- and they all have the same refrain: "There is more than THIS. You can beat THIS."
That's the problem. The 'this' they are referring to is me. I cannot best myself, regardless of years of therapy and drug therapy. I am at a point where I would like to leave. I know that there are people, mainly family, that will incur a large amount of pain from my decision. I have a sister that is a surgeon and another that is a head nurse... I have always hung on to the notion that I would be okay. That things would work out. They aren't.
I would just like to know why those that want to leave are staying. Is it fear? The physical pain? The unknown? The guilt?
I am too old for teenage angst, but I am old enough to understand that there are people that do not have a place here. Some call us crazy, others depressed. But when the feeling of being separate from almost everything else has been the predominant and overriding feeling for most of your life, when do you take action?
For me, and I write only for myself, it is sooner rather than later. If this post is against any site rules, I do apologize. It's my first and while that is no excuse I understand if it is edited or deleted.
I would like to hear from those that have tried and failed, and from those whom have thoughts aligned with my own. I know that this cannot be simply me. I know that I am not alone. Unfortunately, that knowledge is not enough.
Cheers.
Firstly, I am neither intoxicated nor diagnosed a clinically depressed- though I know those statements mean very little in the real world. I am a 37 year-old male, 5'5", mostly lean, and I have been in a holding pattern since my early teens. I have taken enough drugs- prescribed or otherwise, seen countless doctors and social workers- and they all have the same refrain: "There is more than THIS. You can beat THIS."
That's the problem. The 'this' they are referring to is me. I cannot best myself, regardless of years of therapy and drug therapy. I am at a point where I would like to leave. I know that there are people, mainly family, that will incur a large amount of pain from my decision. I have a sister that is a surgeon and another that is a head nurse... I have always hung on to the notion that I would be okay. That things would work out. They aren't.
I would just like to know why those that want to leave are staying. Is it fear? The physical pain? The unknown? The guilt?
I am too old for teenage angst, but I am old enough to understand that there are people that do not have a place here. Some call us crazy, others depressed. But when the feeling of being separate from almost everything else has been the predominant and overriding feeling for most of your life, when do you take action?
For me, and I write only for myself, it is sooner rather than later. If this post is against any site rules, I do apologize. It's my first and while that is no excuse I understand if it is edited or deleted.
I would like to hear from those that have tried and failed, and from those whom have thoughts aligned with my own. I know that this cannot be simply me. I know that I am not alone. Unfortunately, that knowledge is not enough.
Cheers.
I didn't know how to take that comment either? I have never..at any point in my 30 years..truly felt that I completely 'fit' anywhere. I've been given different diagnosis over the years, every med u can name, etc. I'm sure we can both relate on many levels and instead of bs'n u im just gonna jump to it....have you ever found anything..big or small/simple/extreme...that gave you even a hint of joy? Or a sense of feeling happy? Hell even something or someone that allowed you to feel calm?