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I want a child...what about you?

felix said:
^ on a similiar note, i know a couple of women who said for years that they didn't want kids. they had to go through all the constant explaining like you mentioned, and when they finally did become pregnant they admitted that they'd been trying for years. :o

just something to bear in mind if anyone feels like bugging people about it. mind your own business!
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it does get tiring explaining to people why you don't want kids. this happens to me a lot, and it's really frustrating that people just don't get that some people just do not want to have kids. i don't dislike kids. i don't mind playing with kids. i just don't have any desire to have my own. i'm a dog and cat person. they give me all of the love i need, and teaching them new things is just as rewarding as watching a child grow, in my eyes.

the issue is people breaking societal norms. you're supposed to want to get married and have kids. i don't feel that i should be expected to do anything but take care of myself and live my life how i wish.

oh, and i am not trying to conceive felix. :)
 
I dont really see what the big deal is. I want kids, but I can certainly see plenty of reasons why someone wouldnt want them.
 
LiveIllegal said:
Oh, please. Jamshyd has probably expressed his lack of a desire for children more than anybody and I haven't gotten upset with him on it. I think you guys are overreacting and giving Porcelain shit over semantics. Subjective my ass, any reasonable human being would read that and conclude that she really loves her kids, not that she has a codependency problem. I think SigmaSis was off the mark but you're the one who has made a big deal out of this. I was simply saying that you guys are harping on Porcelain for a petty reason and I think you ought to cut that shit out. This is just me discussing my opinion of course:p
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So, now you've not only called me ridiculous and unnecessarily judgmental, but also petty and unreasonable, all because I took Porcelain's initial comment at face value. Just because you disagree with what I said or because she later come back and reworded her sentiment to clarify (and counter my comment) doesn't make me any of those insulting things you've called me. And you're chastising people for harping? Seriously? To quote you, get over yourself. 8)

Trying to find self-worth is a selfish and dangerous reason to choose to have children, but plenty of people do it, so I think what I had to say was absolutely on-topic and absolutely not unreasonable or semantical.

Moving on...

Perpetual Indulgence said:
I agree. As a nuturing woman of 35 with a dog, cat, and a husband going against the norm can be exhausting. I don't let it get to me anymore. To me, it is like telling a gay person, oh you wait you will change.
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Haha. Try two dogs, two cats, a six-year live-in boyfriend NOT husband, and no plans for marriage or children. It is exhausting. And who knows, maybe my outlook will change and I'll decide I want children (or marriage), but whether it does or not, it's none of anyone's business.

If I do make that choice, it will probably be to adopt. I find it horribly callous and short-sighted for anyone to talk of adoption in anything but positive terms. We live in a grossly overpopulated world anyway AND you give love to an existing child who desperately needs it. Everybody wins.
 
kytnism said:
the greatest and most rewarding challenge ive conquered in life has been parenthood. if you ever want to experience the true meaning of ego loss, fuck lsd; become a parent.

its the most selfless and giving lifestyle anyone can encounter. its amazing what it does to the soul. its magical really; and difficult to put into words. ive learned more about myself, my life partner and daughter in the past 7 years of parenthood than what i ever did in 21 years walking the earth solo; my fiance would also agree.

i remember saying to my mother around 4 years into parenthood, why the fuck didnt you tell me how difficult yet awesome this would be? and she laughed and said "darling, noone can put into words the trials and tribulations of parenthood and even if they could; you wouldnt have listened. its one of those things we've all gotta do. hold your breath, jump into the deep end; and enjoy the ride."

thats the best way i too can describe it.

its awesome that youre yearning for that s_s; and have also considered the notion of adoption; we too have thrown around the idea over the past two years as we'd love to have another baby, but prefer the idea of opening our lives and home to a child in need of a loving family.

best wishes mate and hope to hear of a little s_s' presence in the late future when the time is right for you. the world needs more fantastic parents and figure heads. <3

...kytnism...:|
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I think that's BS. Having a child is ALL about feeding your own ego.

You want power over someone, someone who will look up to you, and someone to carry on your genes.
 
bow-viper1 said:
I think that's BS. Having a child is ALL about feeding your own ego.

You want power over someone, someone who will look up to you, and someone to carry on your genes.
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Speaking of BS....
 
I don't want to get married, but I do want children. There are all sorts of stigmas associated with this too, so I totally feel the women on here who don't want children and get other people's opinionated bullshit thrown at them.

It is a personal choice! Ever heard of it? Moving on!
 
jaymie said:
It is a personal choice! Ever heard of it? Moving on!
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Agreed. People have the right to choose whether or not they want or don't want children. Just because [you] don't find that reason as being legitimate, well, it's not really [your] decision to make. :\

As jaymie said, moving on!
 
Well, I knew there would be some resistance with my statement. My observation was based on the three girlfriends I had who expressed absolutely no desire to be parents, and who were, in turn, the coldest and/or most self-centered women I have dealt with. Perhaps this was a coincidence, perhaps not, but I am not particularly interested in increasing the sample size (of these girls) to get more accurate results. Two of these girls were the only children of their families, so i'm not entirely sure what role this may have. Sex drive was normal, maybe even elevated, so I dont think it was hormonal (perhaps excessive unbound testosterone could be linked to this, although I highly doubt it).

Obviously, there are flaws in my statement, people do have children for narcissistic reasons etc. A number of you cite situational type reasons (lack of money, unstable s/o situation) as being reasons for not wanting children. This is understandable, but would the same apply if you had unlimited resources & an optimal situation with your s/o?
 
negrogesic said:
Obviously, there are flaws in my statement, people do have children for narcissistic reasons etc. A number of you cite situational type reasons (lack of money, unstable s/o situation) as being reasons for not wanting children. This is understandable, but would the same apply if you had unlimited resources & an optimal situation with your s/o?
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I personally would not... here are my feelings best summed on the subject: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=5796433&postcount=39
 
I'd like 2 kids - one to replace each partner - ideally, one kid of each sex, but I won't lose sleep over that.
I find little less inspiring than the opportunity to be able to play a major part in moulding a mind to be able to appreciate and enjoy life as much or more than I do.
 
My girlfriend and I have discussed it as a distant future thing (I've still got way to much irresponsibility and adventures in me still, as does she), if we can find an agency willing to adopt a to a pair of damned dirty lesbians.

Unfortunately the last adoption agency we dealt with (homeless animals) decided we werent fit to adopt even a dog because we're lesbians and that obviously means our relationship (3 years strong) is doomed because we can't cement it with the bonds of marriage and we'll be unable to take care of the dog.

On the other hand, both of us on an emotional level would like to experience pregnancy and child birth but on top of not having a good way to get each other pregnant we both have some moral stand against bringing more kids into the world when there are plenty of kids out there that are getting the shit end of the stick.

If we've got a lot of love to give to someone then I feel it's ultimately better to give it to someone who already exist and who already needs it rather then creating a mini-me or two specifically for that purpose to satisfy a selfish motive to experience child birth.
 
Jamshyd said:
I personally would not
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A guy not wanting a child is not entirely uncommon.

In regards to women; "wanting" or a "desire" to have children, and deciding to not have them is, in my mind, quite different. To me, adoption would count as "wanting" a child. For whatever reason, it appears as though a portion of women simply don't feel that innate desire to have children. Perhaps I am wrongfully attaching some broader implications ("coldness", impatience) to this apparent "lacking", but this is simply what i've observed.

Bottom line: I don't trust women without maternal instincts, whether or not they decide to have a child. I suppose I could be 100% wrong in doing this, but I think this instinct can be picked up upon by men, who naturally (if unknowingly) choose women most viable for procreation.
 
I always "knew" I was infertile. I was so sure, and I'm a little bit psychic. As a teenager I (very stupidly) had a lot of unprotected sex with my boyfriend and never got pregnant, and that was my 'scientific evidence'.

Since then I've been pregnant five times. Never use a hunch as birth control ;)
 
I would love to have a child, one day. Not for at least 10 years though. I do have concerns though that I don't know how to be a father. My father died when I was very young. I didn't have a grandfather either (they died in the same year). The only "father" image I've ever seen was on TV. Sadly I still find myself, even though I'm 18 and live alone, seeking that fatherly treatment from older men; bosses, my friend's dad's, which I've never gotten because they always have lives of their own. I've had empty promises of fishing days and camping trips, only to be let down and crushed. I have serious reservations that if I ever made my own child feel let down like I did that I could never forgive myself.

So to answer the question, I would love to have a child one day(male or female)... I just don't know if I'll be able to be a good father, which makes me question if I should or not.
 
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purplefirefly said:
I have not. I basically have nothing scientific at all to back up my "feeling". It's just that...a feeling. :)
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Well would you like to know for sure? Cause I cant imagine testing is all that expensive. Although I can certainly understand you not wanting to cause of the fear of it being negative.
I dunno, I'm not a woman so my opinion might not be all that good but peace of mind seems priceless IMO.
At any rate good luck I hope for the best :)
 
delta_9 said:
Well would you like to know for sure? Cause I cant imagine testing is all that expensive. Although I can certainly understand you not wanting to cause of the fear of it being negative.
I dunno, I'm not a woman so my opinion might not be all that good but peace of mind seems priceless IMO.
At any rate good luck I hope for the best :)
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I'm not trying to have a baby right now so finding out isn't a priority for me right just yet. I think I may think about testing once my husband and I are ready to start trying.

anna! said:
Never use a hunch as birth control ;)
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Hmm....I wonder if there is a correlation. I have been on birth control since 2002 (with a 1 year lapse a couple of years ago). But I don't think I a attribute that to any potential infertility because I know that the birth control should be protecting me. Interesting thought though! :)
 
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purplefirefly said:
I'm not trying to have a baby right now so finding out isn't a priority for me right just yet. I think I may think about testing once my husband and I are ready to start trying.
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Oh I see. Well that makes sense then
When you do decide you're ready I certainly hope everything works out :)

purplefirefly said:
Hmm....I wonder if there is a correlation. I have been on birth control since 2002 (with a 1 year lapse a couple of years ago). But I don't think I a attribute that to any potential infertility because I know that the birth control should be protecting me. Interesting thought though!
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I think it depends on the method of birth control. "The pill" wont cause infertility, but hormonal contraception can cause temporary infertility I believe.
Either way I'm not trying to worry you or anything I'm sure everything'll be fine
 
recons said:
I would like to have a (or multiple) child(s).

Mainly because I realize that some things in life require generations to complete, having a small army of loyal workers from my blood, and having someone to love would be nice.

I don't want to adopt, I want my own kid(s) not someone else's discarded human waste.
However, I am as celibate as a monk, have no relationship experience, run when relationships are possible, and don't want the actually responsibility of wife/child nor do I want to give up the unprecedented freedom I have.

Maybe one day I will settle down, but until I can do it easily, I don't want to even try.
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:( <><>
 
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