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I wanna leave while I just scratching the surface of drugs

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medstudent123

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I am a 22 year old med student. Have been smoking weed and have done some psychodelics, oh and alcohol. My issue is that I have a VERY addictive personality. When I tried weed I loved it. I used to smoke dank indicas to a point where I went blank in the head. Just melted into nothingness. Basically eating very high levels on edibles. i WOULD GET SO HIGH i WOULD PASS OUT. I tried salvia and shrooms and they really woke me the fuck up. I wanted to try mdma and even opiates. The thing is when ever i do get high on weed and think of trying other drugs, there is always a voice in my head telling me "someday you may look back to today, and view it as the day you ade the worst decision on your life". Its weird. Its like i have 2 lives. In one, I am a student, I absolutely love medicine. I gave my life to get into medicine in Canada. I have this "potential" girlfriend going too. She is so beautiful man..ughh. But she is a "good girl", lol not like Im a badass by trying weed. In my other life, I am a loner sitting in one room drinking or smoking myself to a point of non existence. I quit alchohol a month ago, and have no intention of going back, (i wasnt physically addicted to it thankfully).

I dont know why I am writting this, just emtyin my head. I feel like my second drug life is taking over the most of my day. Like yestrday I just stayed in bed with junkfood and bowl and fucking bowl. I recorded the whole thing by accident on my laptop, and when I watched it sober I felt horrified. I looked like a retard, eyes closed, still, so dead. I dont mean to be rude but for me drug users always seemed like the "underground people", Like we live in separate dimensions, because non users and users never interact. I dont want to get sucked into harder drugs, everytime I blaze or drink I think of doing shit, and I have sources too. my weed guy has other drugs. Help me someone, should i just stop everything??
 
if bothers you then yeah stop everything. I think you are looking at things in black and white. Think of marijuana like coffee. I think some people get caught up in the idea that they're 'on drugs' when they are getting high. Coffee drinkers don't go around thinking like that. I think you need to integrate your two ideas of yourself into one. I find a lot of drug users like to think of things like this, like they are two different people but i think it's pointless to think of it like that. Congratulations on quitting alcohol, of all drugs, that is the worst one IMO.
 
RobotRipping said:
if bothers you then yeah stop everything. I think you are looking at things in black and white. Think of marijuana like coffee. I think some people get caught up in the idea that they're 'on drugs' when they are getting high. Coffee drinkers don't go around thinking like that. I think you need to integrate your two ideas of yourself into one. I find a lot of drug users like to think of things like this, like they are two different people but i think it's pointless to think of it like that. Congratulations on quitting alcohol, of all drugs, that is the worst one IMO.
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Thanks for the reply :) I see where you are coming from. But dont you think combbining the 2 "lives" lets call em, can be dangerous? I think you can get carried away ?
 
actually i think it will force you to be responsible. If you split up into two lives, one where you are perfectly good and well behaved then that lets you give the other part of your life where you have no restrictions and can certainly get carried away. This is similar to how people build and maintain massive addictions in secret. If you integrate these 2 'lives' into one, you will have to be responsible for your drug use so that it does not interfere negatively with your life or anyone else's. Of course it doesn't always work out like this but it's just a common theme i see with drug users.
 
RobotRipping said:
actually i think it will force you to be responsible. If you split up into two lives, one where you are perfectly good and well behaved then that lets you give the other part of your life where you have no restrictions and can certainly get carried away. This is similar to how people build and maintain massive addictions in secret. If you integrate these 2 'lives' into one, you will have to be responsible for your drug use so that it does not interfere negatively with your life or anyone else's. Of course it doesn't always work out like this but it's just a common theme i see with drug users.
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Wow, that makes perfect sense man. Do you use drugs by any chance? I have a lot of friends, even medstudent classmates that smoke weed maybe once a month and then not do it for another month. The problem with m is I can't. I either take a big break or do it and get back into the cycle of being high all the time. It takes away from important things in my life.
 
You could always take a break, you don't have to quit smoking forever. Another thing I would tell you right off the bat is if you have an addictive personality, STAY AWAY FROM OPIATES. Please. I think it's really good that you're noticing this early on, and you're concerned about taking caring of yourself and making the better decisions. I wouldn't even admit I have an addictive personality but I've seen my life go down hill when I got into that and many of my friends hit rock bottom. It's something I would advise anyone not to try, it's not worth the problems it causes later on. I dropped out of college, lost my apartment, my family didn't trust me and all my real friends wanted nothing to do with me. You have no idea how broken down mentally I was, but that's another story.

Tons of people who smoke weed eventually need a break. Whether it be they have a new job, get in trouble, or any other personal or family issues that they need to take care of first. I admire your responsibility and your concern for the more important things in life. If you feel it's getting in the way of your normal functioning everyday life, just try and put it down for a few weeks or months. You'll be completely clear headed and hopefully you'll figure everything out and then you can decide if you really want to smoke again.

A lot of people will tell you don't quit for your potential girlfriend, because if she really loves you she'll hopefully be able to look past your decision to smoke. I disagree with that, I was in the same situation awhile back and I made the same decision you're thinking about and I had a great time without drugs. When we broke up, I started smoking again but not to the point I was high almost all the time. I was able to cut back a lot, and I found out I was happy doing other things that didn't include me getting high.

Anyways, you seem like a really smart guy and I'm sure you'll figure things out.
 
Don't know if this will help, but I can relate, so I will give it a shot.
Ever since I was young, I always hated the idea of drugs, because my parents were both users, I never wanted to be involved with it,
Well, I ended up smoking weed, and while doing so, I always saw other people doing different drugs while smoking weed,
Eventually, I got interested, and tried multiple drugs.
Well, needless to say, I have a very addictive personality (thanks Mom, and Dad.)
I started getting into Opiates and Benzos (started with Morphine, Ativan)
I ended up getting hooked to Heroin/Oxycontin.
I recently went through rehab, and have been clean (with the help of subutex)
for about a year.

Once clean, I wanted to use drugs again, and figured I would choose the most harmless, weed.
Well, I currently smoke weed on a daily basis, and to be honest, I have always felt guilty about smoking weed and doing drugs,
Just because I always had the moral opinion that , it was wrong, but I think alot of that feeling came from how I was raised in my family,
and people around me. Always being told drugs are bad, people who do drugs are bad, etc, just made me feel guilty.
I recently realized that I have to start making my own decisions on whats right, and whats wrong, and stop letting
the way other people feel about these issues effect my own thoughts.

All I can say , is trust how you feel, if you feel you need a break, TAKE ONE.
I think thats your brain/body , trying to give you what little hints it can.
I personally never followed what my brain/body told me, and got myself into a lot of trouble.

Now I smoke weed, and it doesnt bother me too much that my family doesn't really care for it or like it too much, and neither do my co-workers, but what people do
in their own spare time, is their own problem. As long as you can control it, and it doesn't lead to any negative consequences for you, I don't see there being a problem.
Be safe, trust you instincts, personally, I'd stay away from opiates, knowing how addictive personalities work, you may tell yourself 'oh I can just try it once, and wont ever try it again',
it doesn't quite work that way, best of luck to you , be safe, be smart.
 
If you feel like it take a break man. Weed has its ways to change your personality, I'm not saying that weed gives you psychosis or anything but it just manipulates your thoughts over time. And suddenly you are at a point where you don't even know WHO you are because you're high as fuck all the time. I'm taking 2 weeks off right now (Day 1) because of that. Like with a painting, take a step back and watch. Take a quick reality check and see if that smoking style is sustainable for you in everyday life. Its actually quite FUN to take a break after the initial 4-5 days. You rediscover emotions and all that.

all the best for you :)
 
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