Well I survived rehab. I survived kicking suboxone. It was rough really rough actually. 3 weeks of nasty sickness. Then I shot dope 2 hours after I got off the plane but really that's hear nor there in my mind. I met some interesting people there but I realized that I don't necessarily fit the mold. These kids are listening to MTV jams all day while I'm reading books on politics. These kids don't know shit bout drugs I'm trying to educate them the whole time like a teacher or some shit it was weird. I really can't believe how fucking useless drug treatment is I often felt like I had stepped into the twilight zone. Like is it 1956 or 2014? I started to wonder for real. Like there best answer is that i need a spiritual awakening. Right thatll be the day. Im fairly certain that god is not coming to save me. It's no wonder the success rate is so low it would have been funny if lives weren't at stake. There where times I couldn't help but roll my eyes and laugh at how fucking screwed I am. I ended up just telling them what I thought they wanted to hear to get out.
I'm back in college right now for the summer mini term. But it feels pointless I feel like this shit is for the birds. I want to do something important I want to change the world. I see all this injustice all this pain and it hurts my soul. I see the war and I just want to yell hold the fuck on! Why do you want to lock me and my brothers in cages for being sad? Why can't we just live our lives? Why all this struggle? Why all this pain? What should I do?
At the end of the day I'm not going to do shit. I'm paralyzed by indecision and fear. I'm going to watch life pass me by as I work some soul destroying job. I am going to die alone and regret the shit I didn't do. I should be out protesting writing a book hitch hiking across the country cooking meth in the woods. Doing something besides sitting here wasting away. I dont know why I don't. I'm honestly scared to figure out why I don't. I'm scared I'm going to realize I am a coward. I would rather live in a haze of drugs then confront reality.
I'm back in college right now for the summer mini term. But it feels pointless I feel like this shit is for the birds. I want to do something important I want to change the world. I see all this injustice all this pain and it hurts my soul. I see the war and I just want to yell hold the fuck on! Why do you want to lock me and my brothers in cages for being sad? Why can't we just live our lives? Why all this struggle? Why all this pain? What should I do?
At the end of the day I'm not going to do shit. I'm paralyzed by indecision and fear. I'm going to watch life pass me by as I work some soul destroying job. I am going to die alone and regret the shit I didn't do. I should be out protesting writing a book hitch hiking across the country cooking meth in the woods. Doing something besides sitting here wasting away. I dont know why I don't. I'm honestly scared to figure out why I don't. I'm scared I'm going to realize I am a coward. I would rather live in a haze of drugs then confront reality.