I'm sorry for all that you have to go through on top of your pain. It really can put one in a low place. It seems like most doctors, besides mental health professionals, don't bother to consider your mental health at all.
Yes, it's time to find a new pain doc. I know nothing good will come out of us even meeting face-to-face again.
Please just know that you are NOT alone. I won't ever claim to know what another is going through, though - just know that your pain and frustration is valid!! We are ALWAYS here to listen, support, and assist in any way that we possibly can. This site is a wonder - an open place where we can be honest! Instead of judgement there's support from so many amazing fellow humans who've been there, done that, and have different views of wisdom to share!
I had a pain doc for around 5 years that had a really awesome bedside manner - he was funny, personable, happy - great in every way, except when it came to actually prescribing me ADEQUATE pain medication. Not calling for sympathy or anything, but just to give context, I have CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia,) fibromyalgia, DDD, a plate in my neck, arthritis, several herniated discs, blah, blah, blah...and to top that off, a demanding job as a 911 supervisor that requires staring at 8 different monitors, answering phones (back before headsets) and turning your head consistently, sitting at a workstation, high stress that raises cortisol/inflammation, etc.
I used to have a great outlook on life and absolutely loved my job. I took no medications whatsoever...until one day my neck started aching and burning. My arm started to go numb. It slowly got worse, and towards the end of one shift, I was white as a ghost and felt like if I moved, I would crumble from the pain. I went to the ER...MRI/CT showed 2 discs at C3 and C4 pressing on my spinal cord. I was immediately scheduled for ACDF (fusion) surgery. Thus began my torment with chronic pain. 2 years later came the CLL and the rest of the bit, which only added to it all. I became severely depressed. I became anxious. The pain doc and the psych doc were in constant battle against what meds I could or couldn't take together, and throw in my neurologist, orthopedist, rheumatologist, oncologist, PCP at times... If I wanted my pain managed, I had to be depressed and anxious, or vice-versa. My pain doc would never increase my dosage, stating that I needed to be on the dose I was on a while longer. "A while" turned into months and months. He would insist on physical therapy and steroid injections, despite them just not helping. He then switched me to a fentanyl patch, which seemed to help, but didn't help the break-through pain, for which I was given the smallest dose of oxycodone, twice a day. Even my oncologist and rheumatologist had recommended to him that I may need a stronger medication (to which my pain doc stated that HE was the pain management physician and would make his own decisions.) By then, I had tolerance, so I might as well have been taking an aspirin. I had ALWAYS abided by all the rules, too. Always had my count every month, always had urine tests come out ok - the big issue was with my psych doc. Rather than him (pain doc) speaking to her (pysch doc) or any of my other docs on the phone, I always had to get office notes and letters, evaluations, visit records, just a million and 1 things. And this was even AFTER I stopped taking any psych controlled medications, like my klonipin. It finally came to a head one day. I went off, I had bottled it all up and was done being polite. I didn't cause a scene or anything, but I stood up for myself. I was tired of being tired. Tired of living in pain every day. Calling off of work (which I had rarely done before) missing out on my daughter's life, missing out on life in general! I had copies of all the notes from my various specialists in a big folder and tried to show him my progression, and continuation, of documented pain by each of them. I told him he was not doing his job. He left the room and slammed the door. About 15 mins later, he brought back a form for me to sign, releasing me from the practice. I refused to sign it and left. When I got home, I did exactly what you did. Called the office. Spoke with the manager. Filed a complaint. Moved up the chain as far as I could go. I faxed all of my paperwork. Asked them to check my history of counts/tests. It didn't matter. Made absolutely no difference. Despite filing this complaint allll the way up the chain, hearing apologies and excuses, in the end they sided with the doctor and that was that. They did taper me off everything slowly...that is the only good thing I can say about them.
I live in a very small area. This pain management practice is a chain, and is really the only place that, unless you were already an established patient, would accept new patients at the time due to the strict guidelines and rules enforced by our state. And our state is STRICT. I'd like to say my interaction with this horrible place was done; however, it didn't end there.
A few months down the road, I was admitted to the hospital due to some complications with my CLL. One of the nurses, who happens to be an old friend of mine, sat down and asked me quietly - with a worried look - what my drug of choice was. I looked at her, quite puzzled, and asked her what on earth she meant. She was pretty nervous and tried the "nevermind," but I insisted she tell me wtf she was talking about. I was flagged on the state's PDMP list as a "drug seeker" (that's not the official label but it might as well be.) As I stated, our state is extremely strict, but I knew INSTANTLY where this label had come from. But...I'll save that story for another day, as I'm sure my post is already TL;DR enough.
Thank you to whoever does/did read this, however. It felt quite cathartic to put this all down into words.
