Oddfellow
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2015
- Messages
- 1
*Apologies: This post unintentionally unraveled into something lengthy and cathartic, Whoopsie Daisy. *
It's bizarre finally posting to Bluelight after so many years of searching the forums for whatever particular tidbit wisdom I needed to suit my drug addled purposes..but never once did I get a mind to just ask the question myself. I was 16 my first visit and looking for ideas and theories regarding possible methods for slowing, preventing or reversing tolerance to amphetamines (because the obvious solution --temporarily abstaining --was out of the question)...I thought it was all good fun and was very satisfied with myself as the young, conscientious drug user and sloppy cheerleader for harm reduction.
My earlier questions about pharmaceuticals (and the occasional veterinary strength powder) over time eventually turned into questions regarding heroin and eventually methamphetamine. The information I'd need to know would get grimier the further into my habit I progressed; Hepatitis C transmission (and the use of kitchen chemicals to clean rigs), crude methods for salvaging and sharpening overused barbed needles, cotton fever, dehydration while on speed, psychosis, HIV, overdose information, et all. I could always find something helpful on Bluelight.
That last trip through treatment, however, got it just right and all the pieces fell into place perfectly, that county funded hellhole in the desert helped me put the worst behind me…when I’d arrived there, my meth flavored autobiography was one half a work of fiction (I didn’t even notice). Most of the guys there had done serious stints in jail or prison, so it didn’t take long for my lies to become see-through. I eventually had no choice but to reconcile who I was and who I wasn’t, that was the best part.
So I put everything behind me, and then a little later on after treatment, after moving and starting a new life, I put the 12 Steps behind me too; Living now in the gentrification capital of the west coast. I'm in school and am around close friends and new people, having found my place in a community of similarly minded people.
Life has much promise now, but life is not simple and will continue to be not simple. It becomes even less simple when I can’t ascribe to the idea that all the answers can and should be found exclusively through AA/NA fellowship, philosophy and methodology…Jesus Christ.
I've questions about the relapses I've had, about why my brain operates in a totally different way than it used to, about drug combinations and about drug interactions and all the operating chemicals in the brain; about the science behind these things. I've questions still about precipitated withdrawal and overdose, harm reduction related questions and ones about drug/alcohol treatment modalities...questions about the truths and fallacies of 12-Step land and research in the field of addiction treatment . I've questions for active and former junkies and about Ibogaine and DMT, the brain, the body and every goddamn thing under the sun.
It's bizarre finally posting to Bluelight after so many years of searching the forums for whatever particular tidbit wisdom I needed to suit my drug addled purposes..but never once did I get a mind to just ask the question myself. I was 16 my first visit and looking for ideas and theories regarding possible methods for slowing, preventing or reversing tolerance to amphetamines (because the obvious solution --temporarily abstaining --was out of the question)...I thought it was all good fun and was very satisfied with myself as the young, conscientious drug user and sloppy cheerleader for harm reduction.
My earlier questions about pharmaceuticals (and the occasional veterinary strength powder) over time eventually turned into questions regarding heroin and eventually methamphetamine. The information I'd need to know would get grimier the further into my habit I progressed; Hepatitis C transmission (and the use of kitchen chemicals to clean rigs), crude methods for salvaging and sharpening overused barbed needles, cotton fever, dehydration while on speed, psychosis, HIV, overdose information, et all. I could always find something helpful on Bluelight.
That last trip through treatment, however, got it just right and all the pieces fell into place perfectly, that county funded hellhole in the desert helped me put the worst behind me…when I’d arrived there, my meth flavored autobiography was one half a work of fiction (I didn’t even notice). Most of the guys there had done serious stints in jail or prison, so it didn’t take long for my lies to become see-through. I eventually had no choice but to reconcile who I was and who I wasn’t, that was the best part.
So I put everything behind me, and then a little later on after treatment, after moving and starting a new life, I put the 12 Steps behind me too; Living now in the gentrification capital of the west coast. I'm in school and am around close friends and new people, having found my place in a community of similarly minded people.
Life has much promise now, but life is not simple and will continue to be not simple. It becomes even less simple when I can’t ascribe to the idea that all the answers can and should be found exclusively through AA/NA fellowship, philosophy and methodology…Jesus Christ.
I've questions about the relapses I've had, about why my brain operates in a totally different way than it used to, about drug combinations and about drug interactions and all the operating chemicals in the brain; about the science behind these things. I've questions still about precipitated withdrawal and overdose, harm reduction related questions and ones about drug/alcohol treatment modalities...questions about the truths and fallacies of 12-Step land and research in the field of addiction treatment . I've questions for active and former junkies and about Ibogaine and DMT, the brain, the body and every goddamn thing under the sun.
