DemonSeed
Bluelighter
Good evening TDS,
Be at ease, I didn't literally sign a pact with the Devil. I just wanted to attract your attention, though I didn't choose this title randomly. What I want to share is a totaly different approach to drugs addiction based on my own drugs induced psycotic episodes, and the results of my reflexions which were inspired by the esoteric books I have been reading. You know that there is always a gleam of truth to everything. We have all seen a movie or saw a fiction, like in Supernatural, where the protagonist trades his soul to an evil spirit in order to acquire special powers. In this sort of contract, at a given point, the demon comes to reclaim his part of the deal. He takes the soul away from the infortunate protagonist. These stories are as old as the world and as such can be considered a myth. That's the theory, let's see how it can apply to reality and to drugs addiction. Please, I know this thread is long, but before saying something stupid, read it to the end !
I used to do a lot of amphetamines. I would take this drug in order to acquire many various "special powers": extreme euphoria, large doses of energies, huge confidence. This allowed me to have abilities way beyond anything I could imagine at the time. I played video games on the Internet and my performance were astonishing. I thought "How is it possible for me to do Matrix-like moves?". This was not just my imagination because other players asked me the same question sometimes! I also enjoyed writing and to read for hours and hours because my ability to do these things were also astounding. The price to pay was at first quite benign; but the more I used the more I was took down into the spiral of meth / death.
After a binge, you feel depress, tired, suicidal and it takes many days / weeks to recover. The price to pay is suffering and the more I used, the more intense my pain became. I have always ended up hallucinating weird things like bizarre creatures, shadow "pixeled" people, scary voices who says mean things, all sort of very strange and scary things. I am not schizophrenic ; I do not see or hear things when I am sober. At a point, I would take my dose and would not feel good at all; I was lost, crying, desperate. On such an occassion, I took a video of me. It is very disturbing to watch because you see me undergoing extreme pain. When I watched this video a year or two later, I was shocked to see that over my head was a limpid red spirit anchored over the crown of my head. It looked like flames, with a face, self-transforming, burning like a raging fire. I was shocked! On this video, I see myself going through more and less intense waves of pain. And when I would reach a peak of suffering, this evil spirit rage more intensively, enjoying, taking more delight into the pain I was undergoing. This hallucination was so complex, so realist, that I could not have ever imagined such a thing. I can't see this sober, I was under the influence of meth at the time, which among the various gifts it offers, can give a strange distorted perception of the overlapping of the various dimensions of the world.
Now years later, I have quit using meth and I find myself in a very beautiful, insightful moment in my life. I have a job, I have dreams ; not everything is fixed, but I feel in control. Now what is the link between the myth of Faust (it’s how it’s called) and meth / drugs addiction ? I was an atheist until the day I took psilocybin mushrooms. Even after my experience of the Divine, I didn’t beleive in ghosts, but I felt much more spiritual. At this time, my intuition told me that there was something beyond the visible gross material world. Time was to teach me that spirits, ghosts, invisible worlds exists. They are overlapped with the physical world. I am currently reading « Singing to the plants » which is the best esoteric book I have ever read. It is about shamanisn in the Upper Amazon. Some people most be familiar with Ayahuasca, which mestizo shamans use to get in touch with the spirits. They believe that everything – plants, stones, thunder, light, animals, objects – is associated to a spirit. In this order of idea, drugs such as meth contains a spirit. Ever wonder why some people call her Tina ?
When you crave for meth, what you don’t see, is that it may be calling for you. When you accept its offer, that is, when you do meth, you are making a deal with this spirit. In exchange for the « gifts » it offers to you, you accept that it’s going to nourish itself from the sufferings of your crashings. This sort of creature, I believe, is purely evil : it offer you something, but in fact it gives you NOTHING, instead it do VIOLENCE to you, and unconsciously you indulge to it. When you take drugs, you accept that the drugs will harm you. Somehow, you play a game with death. I am tempted to think that this sort of spirit feeds up from your negative emotions. It is the same for opiates and even pot – a nicer « plant spirit ». Some drugs should just not be used, because they are very powerful and malevolent spirits within them. Though they may not be just evil, for example, someone not abusing his ADD / morphine prescription will get positive effects from these drugs. I think I don’t have to explain more details how the myth of Faust apply to heavy drugs addiction. It speaks of itself !
I know this sounds very crazy, some people will not want to give a thought to this. Drugs addiction in this perspective is a spiritual crisis, whenever you admit it or not. Personaly, I know I am still struggling. When I have money I start to crave intensively for hydromorph. This is why my mother manages my money. I am planning to go to Péru, to the Takiwasi rehabilition center once I have enough money and when my Spanish will be good enough. I want to go deep within myself, to take out the illness forever and ever. After this, my dream is to study « la medecina » Ayahuasca to become a « wounded healer » (another fanstatic myth !). I suggest you read this personal experience which explain how a guy beat up his addiction with Ayahuasca http://csp.org/nicholas/A32.html Do not take Ayahuasca on your own, it is pointless, read « Singing to the plants » and you will understand how shamans work there to cure all sort of illnesses. If someone want to say that this is crazy… go ahead, think and say what you want. I do not care because I know I am sane. I would appreciate thoughts, comments, personal spiritual crisis experience, ayahuasca therapies anything that could contribute to this discussion.
Be at ease, I didn't literally sign a pact with the Devil. I just wanted to attract your attention, though I didn't choose this title randomly. What I want to share is a totaly different approach to drugs addiction based on my own drugs induced psycotic episodes, and the results of my reflexions which were inspired by the esoteric books I have been reading. You know that there is always a gleam of truth to everything. We have all seen a movie or saw a fiction, like in Supernatural, where the protagonist trades his soul to an evil spirit in order to acquire special powers. In this sort of contract, at a given point, the demon comes to reclaim his part of the deal. He takes the soul away from the infortunate protagonist. These stories are as old as the world and as such can be considered a myth. That's the theory, let's see how it can apply to reality and to drugs addiction. Please, I know this thread is long, but before saying something stupid, read it to the end !
I used to do a lot of amphetamines. I would take this drug in order to acquire many various "special powers": extreme euphoria, large doses of energies, huge confidence. This allowed me to have abilities way beyond anything I could imagine at the time. I played video games on the Internet and my performance were astonishing. I thought "How is it possible for me to do Matrix-like moves?". This was not just my imagination because other players asked me the same question sometimes! I also enjoyed writing and to read for hours and hours because my ability to do these things were also astounding. The price to pay was at first quite benign; but the more I used the more I was took down into the spiral of meth / death.
After a binge, you feel depress, tired, suicidal and it takes many days / weeks to recover. The price to pay is suffering and the more I used, the more intense my pain became. I have always ended up hallucinating weird things like bizarre creatures, shadow "pixeled" people, scary voices who says mean things, all sort of very strange and scary things. I am not schizophrenic ; I do not see or hear things when I am sober. At a point, I would take my dose and would not feel good at all; I was lost, crying, desperate. On such an occassion, I took a video of me. It is very disturbing to watch because you see me undergoing extreme pain. When I watched this video a year or two later, I was shocked to see that over my head was a limpid red spirit anchored over the crown of my head. It looked like flames, with a face, self-transforming, burning like a raging fire. I was shocked! On this video, I see myself going through more and less intense waves of pain. And when I would reach a peak of suffering, this evil spirit rage more intensively, enjoying, taking more delight into the pain I was undergoing. This hallucination was so complex, so realist, that I could not have ever imagined such a thing. I can't see this sober, I was under the influence of meth at the time, which among the various gifts it offers, can give a strange distorted perception of the overlapping of the various dimensions of the world.
Now years later, I have quit using meth and I find myself in a very beautiful, insightful moment in my life. I have a job, I have dreams ; not everything is fixed, but I feel in control. Now what is the link between the myth of Faust (it’s how it’s called) and meth / drugs addiction ? I was an atheist until the day I took psilocybin mushrooms. Even after my experience of the Divine, I didn’t beleive in ghosts, but I felt much more spiritual. At this time, my intuition told me that there was something beyond the visible gross material world. Time was to teach me that spirits, ghosts, invisible worlds exists. They are overlapped with the physical world. I am currently reading « Singing to the plants » which is the best esoteric book I have ever read. It is about shamanisn in the Upper Amazon. Some people most be familiar with Ayahuasca, which mestizo shamans use to get in touch with the spirits. They believe that everything – plants, stones, thunder, light, animals, objects – is associated to a spirit. In this order of idea, drugs such as meth contains a spirit. Ever wonder why some people call her Tina ?
When you crave for meth, what you don’t see, is that it may be calling for you. When you accept its offer, that is, when you do meth, you are making a deal with this spirit. In exchange for the « gifts » it offers to you, you accept that it’s going to nourish itself from the sufferings of your crashings. This sort of creature, I believe, is purely evil : it offer you something, but in fact it gives you NOTHING, instead it do VIOLENCE to you, and unconsciously you indulge to it. When you take drugs, you accept that the drugs will harm you. Somehow, you play a game with death. I am tempted to think that this sort of spirit feeds up from your negative emotions. It is the same for opiates and even pot – a nicer « plant spirit ». Some drugs should just not be used, because they are very powerful and malevolent spirits within them. Though they may not be just evil, for example, someone not abusing his ADD / morphine prescription will get positive effects from these drugs. I think I don’t have to explain more details how the myth of Faust apply to heavy drugs addiction. It speaks of itself !
I know this sounds very crazy, some people will not want to give a thought to this. Drugs addiction in this perspective is a spiritual crisis, whenever you admit it or not. Personaly, I know I am still struggling. When I have money I start to crave intensively for hydromorph. This is why my mother manages my money. I am planning to go to Péru, to the Takiwasi rehabilition center once I have enough money and when my Spanish will be good enough. I want to go deep within myself, to take out the illness forever and ever. After this, my dream is to study « la medecina » Ayahuasca to become a « wounded healer » (another fanstatic myth !). I suggest you read this personal experience which explain how a guy beat up his addiction with Ayahuasca http://csp.org/nicholas/A32.html Do not take Ayahuasca on your own, it is pointless, read « Singing to the plants » and you will understand how shamans work there to cure all sort of illnesses. If someone want to say that this is crazy… go ahead, think and say what you want. I do not care because I know I am sane. I would appreciate thoughts, comments, personal spiritual crisis experience, ayahuasca therapies anything that could contribute to this discussion.
