I See A Darkness

I think I've safely ascertained that I'm anonymous here, well, as anonymous as one can be online.

So I'll be honest.

I can't take anymore. I can't keep going. I'm so fucking tired of living. I'm such a wimp that I know I won't end my own life but I can feel any passion for life draining out of me like blood seeping from a severed artery.

I have a shit job. I have a shit body. A shit face. A shit personality. I am grotesque. Everything that I ever loved leaves me and it's because I alienate people from me.

I have never had, and never will have anything to offer the world. I'm unloveable. I've been so fucking lonely for so long because my personality defects mean people don't tend to stick around very long.

On one hand I'm saying that I just want someone to help me. But on the other hand I'm saying I just don't care anymore. I'm so fucking lonely. I have to shut off any emotion or I'll end up in a fucking mental institution.

I'm being driven crazy by the world and by my own head and I don't know how to make it stop.

I don't know ANYTHING anymore.

 

i know that feeling all too well. life can be a frightening thing sometimes, but so many people go through the same type of feelings you're having even if they don't talk about it. just know that you're never truly alone. my PM box is open if you want to talk to me.

 

Thank you spork. I may take you up on that when I have more time. Thank you. X